What body part is the Naked Cowboy supposed to sign when they meet now?
Other richers don't seek out poor donors. They don't need to -- their poor employees are already available and unable to say no. In countries like Brazil, plantation owners will bring their employees to the hospital, claiming that they're willingly giving up their organs because they just love their boss that damn much. That and if they don't, they get dumped in the middle of the Amazon with naught but an unsharpened stick for protection.
But hey, at least nobody's dying, right? Sure, except for the ones who are. In 2011, a Brazilian jury convicted three doctors of murder for declaring four patients legally brain-dead and removing all eight of their kidneys. Problem was, they weren't brain-dead, meaning these doctors stone-cold slaughtered them for their organs. The organs, by the way, had already been purchased for over $40,000, which is absolutely the worst possible way to prove to someone that their life has value.
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"Dibs on the spleen."
"Dammit, Martha, you always get the spleen."
Oh, and that was 1986 money. It took Brazil 25 motherf**king years to convict the murderers. They knew about it the whole time, but Brazil's justice system is so slow and bureaucratic that it makes a Washington filibuster look like Superman spinning the world on its orbit.
Feel free to send Jason tons of money so he can make fun of himself in the sequel to this article. He'll survive, somehow. Barring that, stalk him over Facebook and Twitter, like all the cool kids are doing.
Interested in seeing more people who used money as a cheat code? Then check out The 18 Most Horrifying Things Rich People Got Away With and learn about the horrible human that is Robert H. Richards IV. Or read The 6 Most Pretentious Dishes Rich People Pay Money For and learn about edible balloons.
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