"You just pulled us over because he's black cherry!"
OK, maybe it's not the most lifelike replica, but the driver, 56-year-old James Campbell, might have gotten away with it if he hadn't gotten greedy and been caught speeding. The officer conducting the stop wasn't overly impressed with Campbell's attempt at subterfuge: "I was trying not to laugh at the guy because I thought it was quite silly." Utterly unrepentant, Campbell admitted to reporters that he had been deploying the dummy gambit for months and felt justified in his actions because he didn't want to be late for his new job. And, maybe just for laughs, but nonetheless worthy of further investigation, he also made the disconcerting admission about his barely anthropomorphic creation: "He's got a sister down in the basement, and on special occasions I bring her out and she wears a tutu."
Police Impersonators Exert Their Authority In The Worst Ways Possible
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Police impersonators usually fall into one of only a few categories, all of which tend to include the words "socially inept" in their psychological profile. We'll let you be the judge of whether the subjects of this entry fit that description, or if they're just creative mavericks who found an ingenious (albeit obscenely illegal) way to cut through all the red tape and conduct important business -- such as cutting to the front of the Whataburger drive-thru line to get a triple-triple combo meal before the fries get all soggy.
In March of this year, when an off-duty corporal from the Odessa, Texas, police department observed a vehicle with "law-enforcement trappings" deploying flashing lights and a siren to blow past everyone in line at a fast food restaurant, his gut told him that something about the situation was amiss. Presumably after making sure it wasn't just the chief going off on another one of his cholesterol benders, the corporal decided to investigate. Initially thinking that the man must be a volunteer fireman or something, the corporal followed the vehicle to a nearby apartment complex, where it was discovered that the driver, one Michael Chico, was actually of the "or something" variety. Though Chico was wearing a haphazardly assembled uniform, he in fact was not a law enforcement officer of any kind, but rather one of West Texas' most impatient citizens who not only went "code one" to make fast food even faster, but also used the lights and siren to avoid having to stop at traffic lights.
"They stop serving breakfast at 11."
"Release this man!"
In another instance, this time in Ohio, a man tooling around pretending to be five-0 aimed a spotlight into another driver's car. Then, in the finest Starsky & Hutch tradition, he proceeded to swerve in front of and cut the other vehicle off, with the apparent intent of exacting some DIY justice. It was revealed to be a poor decision of the highest order when the subject of his vigilante car stop turned out to be a profoundly unamused, real-life cop. Our faux crime fighter, later determined to be a 50-year-old man named David Scofield, was taken into custody for mental evaluation.
Along with a fake badge and a shirt with SWAT emblazoned on the back, the following was recovered from Scofield's car: two loaded pistols, a rifle, a shotgun, silencers, ammunition, and a bulletproof vest. This just goes to show that, as laughable as these kinds of antics are, they should never be taken lightly. Nonetheless, Scofield got off pretty easy, with a judge merely handing down a $1,000 fine and 18 months probation for the charges of "impersonating a police officer, mishandling a firearm, and obstructing official business." It's unclear whether he shaved his stereotypical cop mustache off himself, or if the judge demanded its removal as part of the penalty phase.
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"It's a disgrace to the real mustaches that protect and serve the upper lips of this city."
E. Reid Ross also occasionally slanders dogs over at Man Cave Daily. Feel free to follow him on Twitter here.
Also check out The 9 Most Hilarious Ways Criminals Were Caught and The 6 Most Hilariously Stupid Criminal Excuses Of All Time.