"Look, we can do this the hard way, or the really hard way."
We had to leave this one for the end. And we just want to say ... we're sorry.
So, what's sexier than Christmas and sex toys? Well, according to this ad from RFSU, in collaboration with Naked Sweden, anything. The official slogan reads "Christmas just got sexier," which isn't saying much since family, reindeer, and egg nog are the exact keywords paramedics use to counter Viagra overdoses. If a 400-pound drifter comes into your home like this, you don't think, "Sexy." You think, "It might be best to turn the gun on myself while I have the chance."
"Oh, I can cock that thing for you if you want ..."
Every detail of this is disturbing, from Santa's power-lifter abs to the tiny glimpse of his peach leopard thong. This man is here to do terrible things, and that's before you realize that entire sack is full of dildos. That's not a joke -- look closely.
"Stockings, you -- I'm not going until everything gets stuffed."
In one image, they managed to ruin both sex and Christmas, which, if you think about it, is pretty impressive. They probably give out awards for that kind of thing, down in that special part of hell reserved for advertisers.
Ryan Menezes is an interviewer and layout editor here at Cracked. His Twitter page is sexy and horrifying.
For more questionable advertisements, check out 8 'Sexy' Ads That Will Haunt Your Dreams and 12 'Sexy' Ads That Will Give You Nightmares.
Are you on reddit? Check it: We are too! Click on over to our best of Cracked subreddit.
Spread the confusion and ruin the mood for all your friends, click the Facebook 'share' button below.