12 'Sexy' Ads That Will Give You Nightmares
Sex sells, but that doesn't mean that selling things using sex is easy. You figure a little cleavage can go a long way to sell cars or beer, but in the wrong hands a sexy ad can turn into the stuff nightmares are made of.
Not even sexy nightmares, either.
#12.
Baby Soft's Sexy Toddler
It really is hard to work pedophilia into your ad campaign gracefully. In the 70s, this Love's Baby Soft ad, with a dolled-up, pouty-lipped child and the slogan "because innocence is sexier than you think" appeared in an issue of Tiger Beat magazine.
And really, what better place to convince both young girls and sexual predators that this product can turn a preteen into a sexual dynamo?
We can't figure out whether this ad means the 70s were a much more innocent time (when, what, nobody had heard of pedophiles?) or a much, much sleazier time. From our brief research into the 70s, we're going to go with the latter.
Fortunately, we've come a long way since then...
#11.
Anti-Pedophile Awareness
... or, maybe not.
The Child and Adolescent Reference Center, perhaps worried about the army of pedophiles that Love's Baby Soft ad recruited, figured they needed to raise awareness about the problem. But how? Public service ads are so easy to ignore, and it's crucial that the public understand the horror of this issue.
Hey! Why not diagram a child blowing a dude?
The end result is a bizarre image of an invisible pedophile who's apparently only visible when viewed through some special infrared camera. Parents, your child could be getting teabagged by an invisible pedo right now.
And if the overwhelming awfulness going on in this ad isn't enough, there seems to be an ugly "how-to" vibe at work as well. How many pedophiles saw this and thought, "Rolling chair? Toy truck? Brilliant!"
We shudder to think.
#10.
Dolce and Gabbana Rape
If you're not familiar with the Dolce and Gabbana, you've likely seen the clothes if you've run into a douchebag recently. Apparently eager to distance themselves from the douche demographic, the fine folks at the D and G marketing department decided to aim for those fashionable, gay, gang-rape clubs you're always hearing about.
We could spend the rest of this article detailing all of the untold stories in the above photo. Is the naked victim dead, or just knocked out by heavy tranquilizers? The man zipping his pants, did he just finish, or is it his turn? The man on the right, listening intently... is he so new to the world of rape that he must take detailed instructions from his gray-haired rape coach on the far right?
#9.
Burger King
Like any good restaurant, Burger King is well aware that people love blowjobs. But most ad campaigns that find success by incorporating fellatio into their sales message do so by implying that if you buy their product, you will be on the receiving end of copious amounts of oral sex mere moments later. Burger King, on the other hand, apparently thinks it would work better for everyone if you were to just blow them instead.
According to the ad for their new Big Seven Incher, one of the most atrociously named food products since the McSodomy with Cheese, it will "blow your mind away." Is that what the expression the woman's face is supposed to mean? It kind of looks like she's trying to cope with the revelation that the Burger King mascot has a greasy sandwich for a dong.
Note to self cracked does not use the phrase NSFW lightly
ReplyI cried in terror.
Reply
ReplyI’m a sweet, friendly, caring girl in search of "the one". I am an admirer of those who
wear uniform. so I got a profile on ---s e e k i n g u n i f o r m.c 0m --. It's a 10-year-
old club for uniformed personnel finding their intimate lovers.. maybe you wanna hit your
dreamed uniformed lover there!
My friend just told me a nice place -- T' a'' ll m' i n 'g 'l' e. С'⊙'M '-- it's the most effective site in the world to connect with, date and marry tall, and big people.. It's worthy a try.
ReplyScrew you Spammy McSpamalot.
I wish we had more gumption here in the U.S.
ReplyYou can get a four gallon jug of it for $5.99 at Wal-Mart.
That Deutsch one is hot as fuck. So's the Dolce and Gabbana.
ReplySo were a few others, but I'll refrain from mentioning which for fear of appearing even more deviant than I already do.
I agree. I loved the Dolce and Gabbana one...not so sure about the Deutsch one, though.
A great list, with the exception of #11 - it wasn't meant to be sexy, it's nightmarish on purpose (at least I hope so).
ReplySo, basically, AIDS is Hitler reincarnated?
ReplyThe picture for #2 creeped me out...
ReplyYes, because Dolce & Gabbana never once did overly suggestive ads about a group of men overpowering a single woman. Nope, never at all. They just do "gay rape," apparently.
ReplyOnly #2 was considered NSFW?? My co-worker just caught me scrolling between #4 and #3... Pretty sure I'll be called into my supervisor's office later! Still, a very funny article... way to perv it up Cracked
ReplyI'm pretty sure that the shoe ad doesn't have a female in it (gay wrestlers :D) fun fact: Most ads with only legs showing actually use male models because men have better proportioned legs than women hehe
ReplyI'm going to have to disagree with that statement. Most men I've seen have either skinny stick legs or legs that look like someone stuck a slab of meat on the back of a stick.
The real question here is which legs do you have (if male) and which do you prefer(if female/gay)? (and I'm asking gays to only pick one category to vote in)
#9 Just kills me every time I see it. It's basicially saying, "Hungry or not, you're going to be orally violated by a sandwich."
Replyall very disturbing...succeeded in turning my stomach - especially the one's focused on children, and the dog - but I'm sorry, the penis ocean thing was just f**king hilarious!!!
Replyif it WOULD be a GERMAN AIDS public service ad, it would be written in german. Jackass.
ReplyExcept many people in Germany speak english too...
I think it's interesting that the author cannot conceive of a gangbang being consensual, it must be rape. Same with the bondage and humiliation. Some people like that sort of thing.
Reply Hide All See All 3 Repliesit's more fun if it's rape though, guy.
The guy looks unconscious. When was the last time you had consensual sex while unconscious?
Idk, i think the unzipping man in panel 1 was the naked man in panel too..but that's just his *waiting*' face.............I need a shower after typing that *shiver*
"...Their new Big Seven Incher, one of the most atrociously named food products since the McSodomy with Cheese"
ReplyAhahahaha laughed long and hard at this... oh, poor choice of words...
One of the best articles on Cracked! Loved it!
ReplyPeople get paid to come up with this shit?
ReplyAnd then other people approve of it?
And then they spend money so millions of people will see it?
WTF
You're talking about the Cracked article or the ads themselves?
And then I saw #1. It may be time to invade again.
Reply Hide All See All 4 Repliesf**k that, lets just nuke Germany. And Japan, for that matter.
says an american. you just keep your a-bombs because youre compensating for your 2-inch-d*cks.
@elorian22, you must be Japanese. Worried about our nuc's and referencing your knowledge of 2 inch dongs.
As long as Germany keeps pulling it's weight in the beer-lympics and japan pulls it's weight in being absurdly awesome I shall not lift a finger to harm them and will do everything in my power to save them from my retarded, retarded government.