12 'Sexy' Ads That Will Give You Nightmares

Sex sells, but that doesn't mean that selling things using sex is easy. You figure a little cleavage can go a long way to sell cars or beer, but in the wrong hands a sexy ad can turn into the stuff nightmares are made of.

Not even sexy nightmares, either.

It really is hard to work pedophilia into your ad campaign gracefully. In the 70s, this Love's Baby Soft ad, with a dolled-up, pouty-lipped child and the slogan "because innocence is sexier than you think" appeared in an issue of Tiger Beat magazine.

And really, what better place to convince both young girls and sexual predators that this product can turn a preteen into a sexual dynamo?

We can't figure out whether this ad means the 70s were a much more innocent time (when, what, nobody had heard of pedophiles?) or a much, much sleazier time. From our brief research into the 70s, we're going to go with the latter.

Fortunately, we've come a long way since then...

... or, maybe not.

The Child and Adolescent Reference Center, perhaps worried about the army of pedophiles that Love's Baby Soft ad recruited, figured they needed to raise awareness about the problem. But how? Public service ads are so easy to ignore, and it's crucial that the public understand the horror of this issue.

Hey! Why not diagram a child blowing a dude?

The end result is a bizarre image of an invisible pedophile who's apparently only visible when viewed through some special infrared camera. Parents, your child could be getting teabagged by an invisible pedo right now.

And if the overwhelming awfulness going on in this ad isn't enough, there seems to be an ugly "how-to" vibe at work as well. How many pedophiles saw this and thought, "Rolling chair? Toy truck? Brilliant!"

We shudder to think.

If you're not familiar with the Dolce and Gabbana, you've likely seen the clothes if you've run into a douchebag recently. Apparently eager to distance themselves from the douche demographic, the fine folks at the D and G marketing department decided to aim for those fashionable, gay, gang-rape clubs you're always hearing about.

We could spend the rest of this article detailing all of the untold stories in the above photo. Is the naked victim dead, or just knocked out by heavy tranquilizers? The man zipping his pants, did he just finish, or is it his turn? The man on the right, listening intently... is he so new to the world of rape that he must take detailed instructions from his gray-haired rape coach on the far right?

Like any good restaurant, Burger King is well aware that people love blowjobs. But most ad campaigns that find success by incorporating fellatio into their sales message do so by implying that if you buy their product, you will be on the receiving end of copious amounts of oral sex mere moments later. Burger King, on the other hand, apparently thinks it would work better for everyone if you were to just blow them instead.

According to the ad for their new Big Seven Incher, one of the most atrociously named food products since the McSodomy with Cheese, it will "blow your mind away." Is that what the expression the woman's face is supposed to mean? It kind of looks like she's trying to cope with the revelation that the Burger King mascot has a greasy sandwich for a dong.

Hey, we bet you thought that was going to be the most horrifying oral sex reference on the list. You were wrong, weren't you? Weren't you?

The major selling point for this ad, other than the fact it's for a 9.5-inch long condom, is that you can finally rest easy when you're giving some mostly faceless lady a Joker smile, because you're going to be covered and it's pretty obvious she's going to be bleeding.

You could call this ad "inappropriate" in the sense that it seems intended for someone with a 15-year-old boy's concept of sex. But actually it's perfectly appropriate for the Durex XXL customer: the guy who thinks his cock is so huge that no normal condom can cover it. Dude, you can fit a regular condom over your head. Even if you did have a freakish dick wide enough to rip open a jaw (say, three-inches in diameter), this product still only has one legitimate use: to impress the cashier at the drug store when you're checking out.

Aaaaand with one image we have been turned off of both sex and video games forever.

This has to be based off a dream somebody at Sony had. Or maybe it's the result of a hilarious mistranslation from the corporate office in Japan and the ad design team in the USA. Either way, this woman is about to get caught fucking four giant, hairy, flesh buttons.

There are so many horrible little details here: From the way the living cushions have no human features other than sweat, chest hair and pleasure trails, to the way the cushion on the far right is writhing, like a huge fucking tongue.

Also, if you look on the end of the bed there, it appears one of them came in wearing a fur coat. Have fun with that mental image for a while.