It's one of the more socially acceptable reasons to wrap your lips around a goat appendage.
One word of advice: goats can have some pretty big horns. Maybe you better get a padlock for those pants, friend.
The Masai Consider Spitting and Insults Polite
In America, it's completely acceptable to jokingly poke fun at your friends, tease your siblings, or scream, "I'LL DEVOUR THE VERY CONCEPT OF YOUR DREAMS!" right in your boss' face. Serious insults, though, are generally reserved for conflicts with people outside our Monkeysphere. But not so for the Masai, an ethnic group that can be found in Kenya and Tanzania. For them, insulting people and even straight-up spitting on their children is the very epitome of courtesy.
But wiping spit on the child's forehead while singing the intro to The Lion King is still a dick move.
When a Masai sees a child he has never encountered before, he will immediately spit on the kid and state: "This child is bad." Obviously, that's what we all do -- but the Masai don't even look around for cops first. There are various welcome ceremonies involving elderly men spitting on small children after being greeted by them.
There's actually a completely benevolent reason behind these misanthropic antics. It is believed that explicitly praising the baby will cause it to fall ill, so they think, "This child is good," to themselves, while outwardly cursing it. As for spitting, it's seen as a sign of goodwill and best wishes: old men spit in their palms before shaking hands with younger soldiers in order to convey their blessings.
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Instead of saluting, soldiers give each other wet-willies.
And if we ever meet the drunken, curmudgeonly Masai who first came up with that brilliant cover story after assaulting a playground and some soldiers, we're going to shake his hand.
Or maybe a polite nod will do the trick.
Rachel P. has a weekly webcomic called Problems that isn't very polite in any country.
For actions to avoid doing overseas, check out 7 Innocent Gestures That Can Get You Killed Overseas. And then check out 24 Basic Goddamn Rules We Should Start Enforcing Online.