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If you've ever had your penis cut off and/or been executed while on holiday, you'll probably know that it's easy to offend people from other cultures. Unless you learn the ways of the place you're visiting, even the most well-meaning tourist can regularly find his oesophagus stuffed with burning goat. But surely just plain common sense and good manners will save you, right? Wrong. Extend Your Hand, Palm Outward in Greece
What you are actually saying:
What the hell?
SHIT, is what we're saying here. Their faces would be covered in SHIT. If you really want to piss a Greek person off, you can go for the double moutza, which features both hands splayed above your head. However, this will also make you look like a backup dancer from Cats, so it's your call.
Give the Thumbs-Up In The Middle East
What you think you are saying:
What you are actually saying:
What the hell?
The thumbs-up sign has been confusing people for thousands of years. Contrary to Hollywood legend, Roman gladiators were not spared by a thumbs-up, but by a hidden thumb. If the origins of both gestures are linked, we can only assume this meant, "Do not kill the prisoner, he seems the perfect solution to the emperor's arthritic finger."
Finish Your Meal In Thailand / The Philippines / China
What you are actually saying:
What the hell?
In China, if you finish every last bite of your meal, you are implying that you weren't given enough. Therefore, even if the meal is the most sexually delicious thing that has ever slid down your throat, you should still leave one last morsel on the plate to stare up at you mournfully while you eye it with ill-concealed resentment. That said, the Orient isn't as uptight as this example suggests. In China it's considered perfectly good manners to talk with your mouth full and to burp after your meal. Farting seems to vary according to the situation and your current company, so ask ahead of time. Lighting the fart is frowned upon in almost all provinces.
Say "Hi" to a Member of the Opposite Sex in Saudi Arabia
What you are actually saying:
What the hell?
Though, perhaps this is nitpicking considering women are not allowed to drive, vote, own shops, testify in court or ride bicycles there. Bizarrely, it's perfectly fine for women to fly high-powered jet planes, although they're clearly fucked if they feel like taking a bicycle to the airport. The point being, if you're a woman and are planning a move to Saudi Arabia, offending them with the whole public greeting thing is probably the least of your problems.
Give an Even Number of Flowers in Russia
What you are actually saying:
(Lean forward for kiss.)
What the hell?
Choosing the right gift seems to be a minefield of morbidity everywhere you go. Never give a clock to a Chinese person, as the word "clock" is almost identical to a word for "death." Don't wrap your present in white paper there either, as this suggests funerals. And for God's sake, don't give anyone in Bangladesh white flowers or they will presumably be obliged to buy a spade and bury themselves while muttering at you reproachfully. You know what, screw giving a gift. You may come across as a selfish douchebag, but at least no one will hail you as the fourth horseman of the apocalypse.
Give a Gift With Your Left Hand, Pretty Much Anywhere
What you think you are saying:
What you are actually saying:
What the hell?
Eating out? Don't even think about using your left hand. It's better to come across as some kind of retarded monkey child than to imply that you rate your host's food on the same level as a lightly-steamed assburger. Of course, poop is not the only reason left-handedness is bad. According to the Qur'an, Satan himself was a southpaw, which is why he was able to successfully fool the right-handed batter that is mankind.
Give the "OK" Sign in Brazil
What you are actually saying:
(Note: The above examples are only valid if you are US President Richard Nixon)
What the hell?
The most famous incident of a misapplied "OK" sign was, in fact, Nixon's visit to Brazil in the '50s. While alighting from the aircraft, he lifted both hands to the cameras and double-fingered the entire nation. Nixon went on to greet the Brazilian Prime minister with a savage kick to the testicles, and concluded his visit by urinating from the window of a moving limousine. If you're visiting Brazil, you should also never touch any food with your fingers. Even stuff like pizzas and burgers should be eaten with a knife and fork. Not that you'll ever need to apply this knowledge, because after reading this article, you'd be insane if you ever travel abroad again.
Tim Cameron is a recovering gaming addict. His blog, The Silly Addiction, catalogs his ridiculous struggle to go straight. Now find out what they'll probably be saying in response to those gestures in our look at The 9 Most Devastating Insults From Around the World. And don't forget to check out this video explaining why Jesus kind of sucked as a carpenter. Or head to the brand new Official Cracked.com Store and become a startlingly attractive walking advertisement for our site. |
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lol.if i go somewhere outside the USA,i'm not using my hands for anything.and i am a lefty,thus making this article make me feel like the f*****g equivalent of satan.
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT BARBARAAA BUT EVERYTHING YOU SAID FOR THE GREEK MOUTZA IT'S TRUE!BUT NOWDAYS WE DO IT FOR FUN!THE TOURISTS CAN'T UNDERSTAND IT!
Where the hell did you take this informations from?
I'm brazilian and none of those things about Brazil are true. :p
And reading the other comments i can see that NOTHING here is true.
yeah it's doubtful that i ever visit foreign counties again, for i am sure i would make a misstep every other second. loved the article though
The left hand thing is definitely true in Morocco. At a traditional meal you eat with your hands. Or your right hand more specifically. Reaching in with your left hand is like saying "MMM...dysentary! Let me reach my beshitted paw into your delicious food!"
I'm from the Philippines and tidying up the plate to be an insult is completely rubbish. Not even the oldies are aware of that nonsense. I hope they get their record straight as that is completely untrue and baseless.
Nice! Except, the whole "Satan fooling people because he's lefthanded" thing doesn't work with the baseball metaphor - any competent baseball fan knows you want to pitch a righty against a right-handed batter, and a lefty against left-handed batters.
Actually, here in South America, at least in Brazil, there's nothing wrong about the thumbs up sign. Unless you're doing it for genocide.
After reading all 161 comments, all I can say is f**k EVERY GODDAMNED LAST PERSON FROM BRAZIL. That is all.
remember your grandfather stealing your nose when you were 2? and he'd show it to you? well i did the same that in japan and i deeply mortified the parents of the girl. i guess that's the sign for eating p***y or showing you want p***y. the kid was two so i guess i have to wait 10 years
You're an orphan from a basket in the middle of the desert. And I took you for no other reason than I needed a sweet face to buy land. Did you get that? Now you know
The full story about the aussie glass thing is, right way up means you want another drink, sideways means you're finished, and upside down means you believe you can kick the ass of any guy in the room.
I'm asian and to give a clock means to start timing your death.. you only give clocks to sick patients in the hospital, and only if you hate them. You don't give shoes either because the way you pronounce shoe in CANTONESE sounds bad, especially if you say it twice in a row.. sounds like HAI HAI which is a bad noise for us little smart yellow people. ^^
I am a sexy big beauty, anyone there want to get to know me? Let's mingle here @@PlusMeet.c o m____, where many big boob women, big booty women and big manful guys meet and seek romance together!
Alex3 - the glass thing is right, although old fashioned.
I can't stop laughing, I have LOL-tears. Mostly from the Offendo Fuckfestival picture.
BTW, that's not true Alex.
In australia(I think) if you set a glass upside down in a bar you're saying you could kick everyone's ass or something. Of course in america this is more like 'i am finished with my drink.'
Funny article, ty
Hi. I'm brazilian and it's true that the "OK" sign means "you're a m**********r" here.
But please remove the bit about not touching food with your fingers, it's not true. We're not that formal. I imagine it could be frowned up ONLY in luxurious and snobish restaurants (and I doubt they would serve pizza anyway) that usually serve tourists, but not anyplace else. Actually you would be considered snobish and picky if you insisted in using forks and knifes to eat anything. I would never use anything but my hands and napkins to eat a Big Mac ;)
I've read cracked dot com on and off for years, but this is my first comment. This article is seriously funny I'm having a hard time trying not to wake the kids up.
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what about in korea where if you gesture for someone to come to you; palm up, shaking fingers back and forth, its telling them to go f**k themselves