The 9 Most Devastating Insults From Around the World
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A responsible traveler won't set foot in another country without knowing how to viciously insult the people in their native language. Odds are, you won't even make it out of the airport before a situation arises that requires obscenities. But "obscenity" is an ever-moving target. It's an amalgamation of cultural taboos, the impact of current events and your mom. Accordingly, every country has developed a uniquely beautiful set of curses and insults that set it apart. While some insults are broadly accessible, like your mom, others will require a little background for the new student. Thus, we offer this helpful guide to the best and most vulgar (and very real) insults from around the world:
#9.
"Suck butter from my ass" (Chupe mantequilla de mi culo)
Who Said That? The Spanish.
Dear God Why?
Other helpful Spanish phrases:
"I shit on your dead" (Me cago en tus muertos) "I shit on God" (Me cago en Dios) "I shit in/on your whore mother" (Me cago en tu puta madre) Note that's "in" or "on," we guess depending on how she likes it. And the list goes on. These folks just love shit. Basically you can hold your own in any argument in Spain if you're creative enough with where you deposit your waste matter. If you're a man who is sharp enough to destroy someone with this virtualized shit-flinging, pride may reward you with a "Brazo de santo," which literally translates to "arm of a saint" which means a full erection. #8.
"A thousand dicks in your religion" (Elif air ab dinikh)
Who Said That? The Arabs.
Dear God Why?
Other helpful Arabic phrases:
"May you be struck by a dick" (Air il'e yoshmotak) "My dick in your conscience" (Airy fe dameerak) "My dick in your mother's rib cage" (Eyreh be afass seder emmak)
That explanation was a lot easier to track back than "Yela'an sabe'a jad lak" (Damn your seventh grandfather), which is the deepest scope of damnation demonstrated by any culture thus far. We're not sure about the relevance of the "seventh," but we do respect that kind of surgical precision when trying to denigrate someone's family. #7.
"He's as thick as a bull's walt" (that is, as dense as an erect bull penis)
Who Said That? The Irish.
Dear God Why?
Other helpful Irish phrases:
The majority of Ireland does not speak Gaelic, but that hasn't hindered a bustling industry of filthy slang and occasionally rustic vernacular: "Gobshite" (shithead) "Piss artist" (alcoholic) "As Thick As Manure And Only Half As Useful." #6.
"Let a hungry Carpathian long-haired she-wolf blow your dick, fuck" (Gladna Karpatska valchitza s dalag kosam minet da ti prai deeba)
Who Said That? Bulgarians.
Dear God Why?
Other helpful Bulgarian phrases:
"Your mother sucks bears in the forest" (Mayka ti duha na mechki v gorata) "Fuck this tilted field" (Da eba taz kreeva neeva) "You're as ugly as a salad" (Grozna si kato salata) Some of them are so elaborate, it's not entirely clear which part to be offended by. For instance, when someone tells you "Nosa ti e kato ruska putka" (Your nose is like a Russian pussy), should you be enraged at the comparison to a Russian or a vagina? And it's no different when being called "Pederas grozen gyrbaw prokazhen" (an unsightly hunchbacked leper queer). It sounds like swearing constructed from a profanity combo menu (please select one aspersion from Columns A, B and C). The real strength of this approach is having the ability to offend those unfazed by unattractive gay leper jokes, but with a deep personal hatred of hunchbacks. #5.
"Fuck the 18 generations of your ancestors" (Cao ni zu zong shi ba dai)
Who Said That? The Chinese (Mandarin).
Dear God Why?
Other helpful Mandarin phrases:
"Wear a green hat." This doesn't sound particularly offensive until you understand that green hats were a component of the male brothel workers uniform during the Tang dynasty. These brothels were so prominent that some historians speculate the Tang dynasty was actually named after the amount of poozle they serviced rather than the emperor's family. References to green hats can challenge the fidelity of someone's wife or suggest someone's father is an anonymous man whore. "Your mother is a big turtle" (Nide muchin shr ega da wukwei). Again, means nothing without context. But because a turtle doesn't know its father, it's a creative way of calling someone a bastard. We'd probably still opt for "cho yade" (smelly slave wench), but we're steeped in a different tradition. |
When dookie is used for even the most pedestrian exclamations, more heated applications escalate the filth factor pretty rapidly:
That's not to say they're just smut peddlers insult-wise. Some of the most disrespectful things you can say are 100 percent penis-free like "Surmayye a'raasac" (A shoe is on your head). The foot is considered the most filthy part of the body, courtesy of their deserts not having any shortages on dirt. To direct your foot at someone verbally or physically means you aren't hiding your contempt, as vividly demonstrated by the thousands of Nike treads upside Saddam's bronze dome (right).
Gaelic really does its best work when it is conjuring up ways to describe foul acts. Sure, it's faster to say two people were fucking, but wouldn't you rather describe it as skin-hitting ("bualadh craicinn") or leather stretching ("streachailt leathair")?
While Mandarin has a wealth of generalized insults for the intellectually stunted ("Sha gua" means retard--literally "stupid melon"), it really brings the heat with insults that don't sound at all insulting.
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Dude, you're lame. You say that you're Romanian and yet you haven't heard this curse, or its variation: "Stick your tongue in my ass to hair-style my s**t" (Baga-mi-ai limba-n cur sa-mi faci freza la cacat) Or how about: "May you use your teeth to cut the reed from the delta of my ass" (Sa-mi tunzi cu dintii stuful din delta curului). Indeed I must say that is a surprise, to see us win first place. Team this with the proverbial "You never learn to swear until you learn to drive", and imagine what you can hear from a Romanian lorry driver.
I'm not to familiar with Chinese language but being an aficionado of all forms of swearing, I've heard some other awesome ones in mandarin. Such as, "Da-shiang bao-tza shr duh lah doo-tze" which means "The explosive diarrhea of an elephant".
ha... I am Romanian and I have to say those swearing words are made up:) so I never heard them before but they are brilliant, very obscene.
To be honest in Romanian you can make up just about any cussing you want, the limit is your imagination. Every word can follow the previous one making it a very flowery language. You can also add different endings (suffixes and prefixes) to words and they become completly different. You also have to remember that female and males have different wording where it defines if the word is female or male like in French I guess.
So again, there are specific swearings which everyone know such as "suck my dick" = "sugi pula", there is also blow job "muie" but if you say "muist" is can be God knows what:) someone that gossips, talks s**t or d******d (male because female is "muista", "dute in pizda mati" which means go into your mum's p***y so I assume back where you cam from, te rest are made up on the spot like some kind of a rap battle:)
Werdmechanic, I'm from Bulgaria. "pustinqk" should actually be spelled "pustinyak", we only use "q" because it resembles the cyrillic letter for the sound "ya". The word is uncommon, it could be used to describe a deserted place (desert - pustinq), but it seems most people use it as a random insult like d******d or a*****e.
The article gave me a good laugh, reminded me of how I was translating some of our old style expressions and insults into english as a kid, it usually turns out funny.
i am from Spain and the only one out of all of those I have heard (including brazo de santo) is cago en Dios, which is more like a substitute for when you screwed up or feel like you have been screwed over.
Nice article, but I think the Bulgarian top curse should be:
"A male ka' bi' ebal makq ti ama mene bashta mi me ne e napra'il da ebem na 'orata pustinqcite!"
This basicly has no translation as even most bulgarians do not know the meaning of the word "pustinqk" :D But literally the translation is:
"Oh, mom/god, i would sooooo f**k your momma but my father didn't create me to f**k other people's... wretches."
Maybe someone from Bulgaria can help me...
while i've never heard the "as thick as a bull's walt one" before, the rest of the Irish ones are right. "As thick as manure and only half as useful" always makes me laugh- it's almost always farmers that use it
I am a Bulgarian and while neither I nor my family have ever heard any of the rest, "You're as ugly as a salad" is one of my favourites to use to jokingly insult someone. In fact, it's part of a poem:
"Grozna si kato salata / neporusena s otset / po- si malka ot zaplata / po- si ploska ot tapet"
"You're as ugly as a salad / which has no vinegar / you're smaller than a salary / and flatter than a wallpaper"
Truth to tell, I'm surprised the author went with the others given that we have plenty of better insults which are not as obscure. It didn't stop me from thoroughly enjoying the article though:)
I'm Serbian but never heard the one with the radiation and kids, also with the CNN insult. But I cannot believe we did not make it to #1. We usually do.
Try these also: Da bog da ti deca srala senf. hope God make your kids s**t mustard. And the classic: jebo ti pas mater (dog fucks your mother), everyones favorite: jebi je u dupe da joj picka place( f**k her in the ass to make here p***y cry)and little grim one: jebem ti sestru u picku krvavu na kevinom grobu (I"ll f**k your sister's bloody p***y on your mom's grave. Need more? We have.
Sunce ti kalajisano!
Sveca ti jebem!
Jebem te u usta.
Jebem ti sunce!
enjoy!
this is bulsh*t. i'm romanian and nobody uses those insults
"Nide muchin shr ega da wukwei"
What the hell is this? It's not pinyin. It's not even remotely how it would sound in Mandarin. It's just wrong. It would be - nǐ de mama shì yi ge dà biē. I have no idea where you got whatever it is you tried to write.
So, in the Air Force, the instructors at Basic aren't allowed to use profanity, leading to the much-loved exclamation of "What the PISS?!"
The Marines have no such limitation, as a friend of mine in the Corps told me once over beers. One day during Boot, her platoon was evidently chattering too much, causing their Drill Instructor to exclaim:
"SHUT YOUR f*****g c**k HOLSTERS!"
Let's go back over that one, shall we? c**k Holsters. That means that the c**k doesn't go in the mouth because it's *fun*, it goes in the mouth because that's just where the c**k is *supposed to be*. I LOVE that one, and hope to have an appropriate time and place to use it.
Whoa!!! Where does the picture below the she-wolf slur come from?!? That is HOT!!!
America is the nation that gave the world South Park. It high time that we took back our rightful place as the kings of profanity. Toward that end, I have several submissions...
1) "Go sodomize a blue-assed mandrill you nigglet rapping donkey-puncher!"
2) "I hope there's bloody urine in every snowball you swallow!"
3) "You were bitten by the plaque-filled teeth of your mother's c**t as you made her pubes your beard!"
More to come as imagination strikes me...
my Hungarian father taught me lófasz a seggedbe, meaning a horse's dick up your ass...
I'm from Bulgaria and neither I, nor anyone I know have heard of this insult. I don't know where you got this information from, but it's clearly some idiolect and... all in all, it's total bulls..t.
OH MY GOD by far the best article on Cracked i laughed my f****n ass off for hours
All the insult lines in this article are copied from Insultmonger.com and passed off by Ian Cheesman as something more enterprising on his part than simply visiting insultmonger.com and working right-clicking on his mouse to work the copy and paste option. This article is simply theft of another website's content.
http://www.insultmonger.com
this was such an awesome article, I am just speechless with the randomosity of the insults here.
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"Andate a la conchetumadre perejil reculiao"
Go to your mother's c**t re-fucked parsley.
Chile.