Though instant cloning has some troubling moral and ethical implications, it's nothing compared to what's swimming through the skies.
"Oh, don't mind me. I just had to get a better look at that Spanish tile."
The sharks of GTA V have been known to swim out of the water and into the air, where they will absolutely make a meal out of your ass.
"Tastes like Chicken of the Sea."
Their prehistoric brains either can't comprehend or simply don't give a shit about the laws of physics they're breaking, so most of them just keep swimming forever. For the sorry few that momentarily realize the gravity of their situation, death comes swiftly and tragically.
"Candy ... gram ..."
In Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas you can find a photographer near a river. She'll take a picture or two, then casually stroll into the water and drown.
"Don't cry. I'm with my boyfriend now."
If you leave and come back, a new photographer will have taken the old one's place. Character after character goes to the waterfront, takes their last photo, then plunges into the abyss. You can't stop them -- impeding their death march only delays the inevitable.
"What am I supposed to tell my wife and hoes?"
The games feature more random suicides than The Happening. Usually they occur when you're traveling really fast and the game attempts to populate the world as you go, resulting in innocent people spawning on top of a bridge or a building, with no recourse but to walk right off.
"Too much splash. 6.5."
While it's caused by simple glitches, there's perhaps something oddly appropriate about suicide rates being so much higher in a world where cloning is rampant, life means little, and motherfucking sharks patrol the skies.
For more from Ashe, check out Weird Shit Blog and The Book of Word Records. Find more funny stuff at Laffington.com or follow Chris on Twitter. Tristan is also on Twitter but has nothing else in his life.
And check out 7 Creepy Video Game Easter Eggs You'll Wish Were Never Found and The 6 Creepiest Easter Eggs Hidden in Video Games (Part 2).
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