Finally, after some good, deep spelunkin', a member of the group is attacked by an alien. Here's what that looks like on a budget made of good intentions and spaghetti sauce:

Cinema Shares 
Correction: SpaghettiOs sauce

In this dramatic scene, one of the alien's victims is hanging upside down. Hanging so hard that his head falls off.

Cinema Shares 
Thank God he was wearing his helmet.

Since it was cheaper to rent a bowling alley for the afternoon than to build a set, the climax of the film takes place in a bowling alley. Yep, they took the series from a deep space mining ship of the future to "not even the good bowling alley but like, that crappy one across town that smells like Fritos" in two films.

Cinema Shares 
At least the pins keeps the phallic Giger stuff going on.

Of course, all of these plot holes and more are totally explained in Prometheus 2, which takes place in a roped-off mini golf course.

Sacha Baron Cohen's Borat made hundreds of millions of dollars at the box office, and presumably ten times that for Cohen's "slander and libel" lawyer. But not everyone was thrilled about Borat, specifically some residents of Kazakhstan, Borat's home country. In 2010, Kazakh filmmaker Erkin Rakishev attempted to repair his country's damaged reputation by producing a sequel to the hit film. When the director was asked whether he was worried about making a sequel to a movie he in no way had the rights to, he had this to say:

RFE/RL

In My Brother Borat, an American visits Kazakhstan, meets Borat's brother Bilo, and discovers that the country is actually pretty cool and, if anything, substantially more mustachioed than Borat led us to believe.

RFE/RL
If Borat was lying about the country's potassium exports though, we're gonna be pissed.

And once Erkin has built up some of that goodwill, he burns it all to the ground and pisses on the ashes. Bilo is raped by a donkey, gets pregnant, and the two get married. Take that, Sacha Baron Cohen and your racism! In modern Kazakhstan, men aren't backwards hillbillies who "fuck donkeys." No, they get fucked by donkeys, and then start a beautiful life together. Much more civilized!

Erkin Rakishev
But who impregnates Bilo's friend John?
"I'm not telling you!" says Erkin.

Finally, the end of the film reveals that Borat and Bilo aren't Kazakhs at all - they're Romanian Jews! So to recap, the movie whose only purpose was to show the world that Kazakhstan isn't a backward country full of bestiality and anti-Semitism prominently endorses donkey rape and condemns its characters for being Jews.

But what's one thing the original forgot to include while it was trying to cram in boring old social commentary and existential introspection? Sleazy biker chicks and strippers!

Pan America Pictures
They also stole The Ride Back title from the original's porn parody.

It's a 1960s classic remade into a Motley Crue video, except made by someone who knows less about filmmaking than whoever directs Motley Crue videos. Hopefully, the same production team will eventually make a sequel to Casablanca where Ilsa finally takes her top off and wrestles the all-Nazi volleyball team.

Jaws 5: Cruel Jaws didn't sweat the small stuff. Like the fact that their shark movie couldn't obtain a real shark, or even mock up a convincing fake one. They just stole most of their shark footage from other movies, including the first few Jaws films. Even ballsier copyright violations include the film's soundtrack, which features snippets of the Star Wars theme.

Beam Entertainment
Not to mention the scene where they target the shark's exhaust port.

Not being able to interact directly with any part of an attacking shark kind of limits the options of a film about people being attacked by sharks. Luckily, the filmmakers came up with ridiculous ways for people to die while not being in the same frame as any apex predators. Well, unless you consider "idiocy" an apex predator. Which, come to think of it, maybe you should; this woman attempts to douse the shark in gasoline, but she covers herself instead, then erupts in flames when someone fires a flare gun six inches away.

Beam Entertainment
Dousing her costar was totally unscripted.

We're hard-pressed to find a way that the shark is responsible for, or even really involved in, that death at all. So maybe it should have been called Jaws 5: Bystander Jaws.

The Planet of the Apes series was a smash hit in Japan, which we can't actually explain, but which makes perfect sense on a purely intuitive level. There was even an Apes TV series produced in 1974, titled Army of the Apes. It lasted twenty-six episodes, and would eventually be re-edited into a ninety minute film, Time of the Apes. Though slightly connected to the popular franchise (it was a legal adaptation of the novel that the Planet of the Apes movies were based on), that's where the commonalities end. Army of the Apes featured:

Flying saucers made by advanced humans ...

Tsuburaya Productions
It's Earth in the future, duh.

Guitar-playing apes:

Tsuburaya Productions
"Bring me the head of the one they call 'Davy Jones.'"

And of course, the obligatory robot (this was Japan, after all):

Tsuburaya Productions
The actor wore the robot costume over his ape costume.

Thank God there was nothing that ridiculous in any of the American Planet of the Apes movies.

20th Century Fox
In this world, John Wilkes Booth's "Sic semper tyrannis," was followed by poo flinging.