Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs - The Queen Chooses the Worst Poison Ever
The Queen wants to be the fairest in all the land, and is willing to crush anyone who stands in the way of her hotness. When she learns Snow White is lookin' pretty fly these days, the Queen immediately attempts to murder the girl, showing the brutal lengths she's willing to go to. In other words, if she was alive today, the Queen would almost certainly have her own show on Bravo.
After the Queen's first plan -- asking a random dude to murder an innocent girl -- somehow fails, she decides to take the matter into her own hands. She creates a poison apple that will put Snow White into a comatose state until she's awakened by "Love's First Kiss." The Queen reasons that the dwarves, thinking Snow White is dead, will bury her alive, thereby ensuring that no one will ever kiss her. Personally, we wouldn't rule out committed necrophiliacs, but we guess that's why we don't write for Disney.
"Sleepsual assault is as far as we go."
So why did the Queen choose literally the worst way to take out Snow White, short of feeding her regular apples until she got too fat to compete in the high-stakes beauty pageants that apparently rule this realm? We get that the Queen is using magical poison in the film, and that maybe these side effects and qualifiers are listed on the fine print of that particular concoction. Hey, you know what's a lot like magical poison, but without all those loopholes? Regular goddamn poison.