The other day the entire Cracked staff was sitting around on our lunch break when one of us realized, hey -- you, our reader, isn't having sex right now. We all agreed that was an injustice that could not stand, but what could we do? We are but an internet comedy site. Then we realized that the answer was simple -- we should make an entire freaking web series about it. Rom.Com is the new show from the people who brought you Adventures in Jedi School (us), and Agents of Cracked (also us, but like, a long time ago ... so it doesn't seem real anymore, ya know?).
Of course, filming a series takes longer than 36 hours, so while we finish this up, please enjoy this Cracked Classic, which will scientifically explain how the weirdest, most utterly random things make you more attractive. And please take your time reading because -- and don't tell our bosses this -- we haven't actually started filming Rom.Com yet. Heh. We are so screwed.
If you're a heterosexual man, you've done at least one thing today purely intended to woo the ladies. The level of effort ranges from merely remembering to shower to training to be an astronaut, but the effort is there.
But it turns out many of the most important things you do to attract the opposite sex have nothing to do with skill.
Are you a little sensitive about the fact that you're not exactly the manliest dude on the block? And that it takes you six weeks to grow a beard? You shouldn't be. After all, haven't you noticed that suddenly they're selling a lot of men's pants that seem to be designed to fit women? And that Hollywood hunks have gotten a lot less manly over the past, oh, 50 years?
Put your pants back on. It's Jude Law.
It's looking like if you want to attract the women these days, it helps to be a little lady-like.
There is apparently a scientific reason why the ideal man these days is closer to the sensitive, gel-haired emo than the gruff, grizzled cowboy your grandma lusted after. Some experts think it has to do with the availability of the birth control pill.
Historically women were attracted to strapping, virile men who would pass on their bulging, hairy chested, muscular genes to their children. Obviously the point was to ensure that the resulting offspring would be strong enough to survive all the horrifying claptrap that goes on in the forest at night.