We have TiVos, ad blockers, and the highly refined ability to simply not give a shit, so advertisers really have to get creative if they want to get our attention these days. And what gets your attention more than threatening, scaring, and emotionally traumatizing you for life?
Well, they say no press is bad press. See, after listening to you sobbing and ranting about the ghost in the mirror, the man with the rifle, or the police hunting you through a crowded airport, your psychiatrist will inevitably ask you what product caused all this pain, and then boom: mission accomplished.
Capital 8 Theaters Hires an Armed Assailant to Threaten Ticket Holders
Boston Globe / Getty
The Goodrich Capital 8 Theater in Jefferson City, Missouri, decided to celebrate the opening of Iron Man 3 the best way they knew how: by threatening to murder their patrons.
AFP / Stringer / Getty
The party's over, unsilenced cellphones.
It went down like this: The theater owners decided to put on a little show before the main event, so they hired a gaggle of actors (actors come in gaggles, right?) to play the titular man of iron, a couple of cops, and James Holmes.
T-the porn guy?
No, it was not the infamous python tamer (you're thinking of John), but this Holmes was still packing heat.
Capitol 8 Theater via MSN
Real badasses strap their handguns to their chest, right?
James Holmes was the psychopath who killed 12 people in Aurora, Colorado, during a midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises. He entered the theater wearing body armor and carrying a rifle, then opened fire.
We'd love to find a way to phrase this next part to really emphasize how stupid the decision was, but try as we might, we can't make it sound any dumber than the plain old unembellished description: One year after a mass shooting by a disturbed individual wearing body armor and carrying a rifle at the premiere of a blockbuster superhero film, Capital 8 hired an actor to walk into their own theater during the premiere of a blockbuster superhero film ... wearing body armor and carrying a (fake) rifle.
Joe Amon / Denver Post
"It's OK, these are blanks! You can stop soiling yourselves now."