Brown robes, bald heads. Super fundamentally religious. You probably picture them practicing self-flagellation for the slightest dirty thought.
But it turns out that when you put an all-male group together in close quarters, away from society's prying eyes, and give them a pen, it won't be long before they start writing incredibly gay love poems.
"Dearest Joshua, this hooded monk has been thinking about your's ..."
We could spend a few hundred words trying to convince you of their unfathomable gayness, but really -- all these monks did for a living was write. Like we're gonna do a better job? Here's one of their own works, from a bishop to his young male lover:
"This flesh is now so smooth, so milky, so unblemished,
So good, so handsome, so supple, so tender.
Yet the time will come when it will become ugly and rough,
When this flesh, dear boyish flesh, will become worthless.
Therefore, while you flower, take up riper practices.
While you are in demand and able, be not slow to yield to an eager lover.
For this you will be prized, not made less of.
These words of my request, most beloved,
Are sent to you alone; do not show them to many others."
Basically the medieval version of a drunk text begging for a hookup.
But this isn't about one errant holy man seducing another secular dude. Here are two actual, practicing monks writing Skinemax quality textporn to one another. This time from an abbot to a bishop:
"I think of your love and friendship with such sweet memories, reverend bishop, that I long for that lovely time when I may be able to clutch the neck of your sweetness with the fingers of my desires. Alas, if only it were granted to me, as it was to Habakkuk, to be transported to you, how would I sink into your embraces, ... how would I cover, with tightly pressed lips, not only your eyes, ears, and mouth but also your every finger and your toes, not once but many a time."
It goes on and on. But these weren't just isolated back-abbey shenanigans: According to Yale history professor John Boswell, if two dudes wanted to hook up, the Catholic Church would straight-up bless their boning.
Bartolome Esteban Murillo
"And just as you guide your love into our hearts, God, please also guide John into Anthony."