Like most possessed children's toys, the Care Bears were on a mission: to ensure that children everywhere were developing into productive and happy members of society ... with specific emphasis on the "happy." Whenever a child was unhappy, misbehaving, or developing a bad habit, the Caring Meter alerted the bears, who would wait until the brat was alone and then magically appear to correct the error of her ways with a lecture and an unsatisfyingly maul-free bear hug.
"Which one of you f**king turds is sad?!"
First off, the Care Bears are surveying everything every single kid does, 24 hours a day. Look, we know it's the 21st century and we all traded away our personal privacy years ago, but unlike Facebook and its innocent goal of exposing your scat clown fetish to the world for the sake of a few advertising cents, the Care Bears want to forcibly mold your psyche to match their preconceived notions of how you should feel. And you have precisely zero personal choice in the matter. They're like Fuzzy Wuzzy, if instead of a bear Fuzzy Wuzzy was the Thought Police.
Nobody ever questions the Care Bears' authority to decide how individuals should feel or behave. And considering that the Care Bears alter not only bad habits, but also feelings that they consider bad, like sadness and worry -- otherwise known as essential elements of the human experience that help us grow as people -- the whole concept starts looking downright sinister.
"Everything you know is a lie. Join us ... join us ... join uussssss."