There's a lot you can tell about other people by the contents of their bathroom. Fancy-smelling soaps mean there's a woman in the house, special kinds of shampoo might imply a dandruff problem, and a copy of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition could indicate the last time a chronic masturbator forgot to pay the Internet bill.
And then there's the pope.
Via Wikimedia Commons
Here he is in his native habitat, stalking antelope, his natural prey.
No, we're not calling the Holy Father a chronic masturbator -- we're just saying that if you can judge a man by his bathroom porn, then His Holiness got some 'splaining to do. See, the papal apartments are ridiculously tough to get into, and for good reason. Not only is it where the pope drops his ineffabilis deus, but one of its papal bathrooms contains some pretty graphic pagan artwork. And by pagan, we mean there's a bunch of risque frescoes. And by risque frescoes, we mean there's everything from regular ol' nudity to explicit Roman deity rape all over the walls.
To explain, we have to go back a few centuries to a time when porn was considered an art form and not a perversion. In the 16th century, the great artist Raphael created a masterpiece known as the Stufetta del Cardinal Bibbiena at the behest of the titular Cardinal Bibbiena. Bibbiena was kind of a pervert first and a man of God second: He was intrigued by the "erotic pagan works" being uncovered in ancient Roman ruins and figured that Raphael was the right man to splash porn all over his bathroom walls. And looking at what's left today (many of the naughty bits have been *ahem* rubbed off), boy was he ever right.
Trust us, you don't want to get any closer than this. It's sticky.
As time passed, Bibbiena's Bathroom of Holy Erections was dedicated and rededicated, eventually ending up as part of the current papal apartments. Of course, the Holy Loo is not open to the public, so if you want to appreciate a seminal work by one of the greatest artists in history, you first have to a) dedicate your life to Catholicism and become the pope and b) chase a couple of bran muffins with some black coffee.
Evan V. Symon is a moderator in the Cracked workshop. When he isn't busy trying to find Cassius Coolidge paintings in a major museum, he can be found working on his latest novel, End of the Line, right here. Gabe does an Internet radio show here. Good luck figuring out which show is his.
For more artistic ridiculousness, check out 8 Filthy Jokes Hidden in Ancient Works of Art and 7 Famous Works of Art With Bizarre Mistakes You Can't Unsee.