Here's a little tip we'd like to pass on to the good people who make Christmas decorations: You're free to interpret Santa Claus any way you like, but the minute you give his eyes their own voltage, you're going to lose a lot of people. And if you decide to make those eyes protrude like an insect's from his face while illuminated, you're no longer building a festive trinket -- now you're building a nightmare. Oh, he sees you when you're sleeping, all right.

It's also unnerving that so much detail went into the face, yet the body is a dislocated, lumpy mess at best, like the thin disguise of an alien pretending at human merriment and barely holding it together. "This is what our species enjoys, correct? We are filled with giving, and nine pints of blood, and festive cheer."

And don't think that removing the bulbs can solve the problem, either ...

Ruby Lane
Fa-la-la-la-la, la la laaaAAAAAHHHH!

Hey, remember when your grandfather sort of dressed up as Santa Claus and then collapsed on the kitchen floor and wept all night on Christmas Eve before he went to rehab? Well, now you can immortalize that version of Santa for generations to come with this bobble-head doll! The costume is complete with a sagging gold tracksuit, just like your grandfather's, and the stain in the crotch from where he soiled himself.

The attention to detail is unrelenting, right down to his hands clenched in self-hatred as he slouches over and tries to remember all the bad decisions that led to this point. Now you can spend every Christmas Eve watching his head sway over his heap of a broken body, just like it did that night you sang Christmas carols to him in the desperate hope that it would make him fall asleep.

"Who's got a big red cherry nose?"
"Santa's gole a berdo rancher ose."
"Who laughs this way HO HO HO?"
*Vomiting*

Buy it on eBay!

If you ever see these on a Christmas tree at someone's house, get up very slowly and leave, because that person has put strychnine in the eggnog.

Finally, a Christmas decoration that has aged in exact tandem with your own slow disenchantment with the holiday. What was probably a perfectly normal-looking Santa doll three decades ago has entropied into an eerily accurate depiction of St. Nicholas finding out that no one believes in him anymore and that Christmas has become more of a hassle than a celebration.

The pure disappointment on his face is palpable, and to make matters worse, this decoration doubles as a piggy bank.

etsy
Luckily, he can still get work as a Rock 'em Sock 'em Robot.

That means Santa Claus has no choice but to haul money in his sack, the same sack that once held the desires and hopes of children and now only holds the physical manifestation of greed. For everyone who complains that the spirit of Christmas has been lost, we can't imagine a more perfect mascot to represent your sadness, and it can be yours for only $18.

At first glance, this is almost cute. A snowman with string-bean limbs, a giant head, and a nervous smile is sort of adorable. But counteracting all of that is the atrocity sticking out of the middle of his face. The length, the list to the right, and the general floppiness of that carrot are all unsettling. We can't quite put our finger on it, but this looks familiar, and if you're shouting "It's a dick!" at your computer screen, then you need to find somebody who will drive you to a hospital, right now.

No, it looks like something much more upsetting and vile ...

Oh, that's right, it looks like a sea worm crawling into the face of an animal carcass to feed. Those dead, placid eyes on the snowman only further our suspicion that we're actually looking at a worm frantically burrowing into the brain of a cartoon character. So good luck seeing anything else now, and merry Christmas!

George G. via Angelicdreamz.com
When Tim Burton's animated models do not turn out as expected, his wrath is terrifying to behold.

The creator of this festive holiday decoration has the courage to ask, "What would a wincing sex doll version of Santa Claus look like?" Unfortunately, the answer was far sadder than anyone could have imagined. That's clearly the face of a decoration that doesn't want to exist, cursing its immobility and praying that someone would accidentally brush too hard against the rocking chair on which it sits, catapulting it into the fireplace and ending the misery.

Of all the decorations on this list, this one is the most honest approach to what Santa would actually look like. Not because the flesh tones and the hair are more real-looking, but because those are definitely the eyes of an immortal man, a man who has seen all the travesties in human history and watched everyone he loves grow old and die. The dead stare of pained disbelief is exactly what children would see if they actually caught Santa coming down the chimney.