How It Works
A study by a pair of colleges found some peculiar trends in our choice of shoes, but not what you might think. Subjects couldn't deduce, say, political affiliation by looking at shoes, but could deduce a shit-ton of extremely personal information, including your potentially insecure, clingy behavior in close relationships. Some examples, brought to you by science:
-Anxious, clingy people prefer new and well-maintained footwear to ease their bundle of nerves.
"Ah, better than a Xanax."
-People who wear practical shoes tend to be relatively agreeable.
-Calm, collected folks seem to get a kick out of wearing shoes that look uncomfortable (maybe to express the roaring ball of mayhem and agony they're constantly hiding within?).
-Aggressive people tend to wear ankle boots, which seems to have no inherent logic at all ... until you realize that they're clearly subconsciously selecting their footwear for better kicking-stuff-angrily ergonomics.
"Oh yeah, that's a pair of Class 5 Coccyx Breakers."