Keanu Reeves Always Commits Suicide to Thwart Superhuman Evil
Keanu Reeves, you have a problem. And that problem is that you keep killing yourself to stop some ultimate evil from taking over the planet, often in religious or pseudo-religious situations. That isn't healthy, Keanu. We think it's time you gave it a break. Let someone else save the world -- what's Alex Winters doing these days?
This all started in 1996's The Devil's Advocate, an entire movie based on the idea "What if Keanu Reeves was literally Satan's attorney?" (that phrase was also the entire screenplay). Then it turns out that Satan, played by Al Pacino, is not only Keanu's boss but also his father, and his master plan involves getting Keanu to have sex with his own sister in order to produce the Antichrist.
"And I saw a beast having seven heads and 10 horns, and upon his body a diaper, because he was too inbred to control his own bowels."
Keanu tries to shoot Satan, but his bullets have no effect, because Satan eats AK-47s for breakfast. Since simply not screwing his sister is apparently not an option, Keanu, in a shocking twist ending, turns the gun on himself and blows his brains out, fucking up Satan's whole plan.
This was also his exact reaction to the Sad Keanu meme.
The twist ending is not so shocking when it happens again in the film Constantine, in which Keanu portrays a modern-day exorcist who must stop Satan's son, the demon Mammon, from taking over the Earth behind his daddy's back. Knowing that his own soul is damned to hell because of all those times he cheated in Monopoly, Keanu cleverly slits his wrists specifically so he can have a chat with Lucifer and rat out Mammon.
How many black suits has Keanu ruined in his career?