The Most Screwed Over Man in the History of Movies

5

The X-Men Series

James Marsden Is Married To: Jean Grey, played by a delightful Famke Janssen.

Why She Married Him: He's dashingly handsome, a strong field general in a time of war and a good husband. Also, he saves her life.

How She Repays Him: Kisses Wolverine, who repeatedly calls James Marsden "a dick," returns from the grave to kill James Marsden and make out with Wolverine again.

What He Did Wrong: Bad hair? It steadily improves over the course of the three films, but still ...

4

Superman Returns

James Marsden Is Married To: Lois Lane.

Why She Married Him: Handsome. Loving father. Awesome, fearless pilot. Not an alien. Flies plane through hellish conditions to save her and her ex-boyfriend's life.

How She Repays Him: Continues flirtation with Superman. In a Jerry Springer-level act of jerkistry, doesn't tell James Marsden he's raising Superman's baby.

What He Did Wrong: He just doesn't understand how emotionally trying it is to go through withdrawal from Superman's dick.

3

The Notebook

James Marsden Is Married To: Allie, played by Rachel McAdams.

Why She Agreed to Marry Him: He's handsome, charming and from a wealthy family.

How She Repays Him: Fucks high school crush.

What He Did Wrong: Too rich and logical a decision. Love is illogical! And poor!

2

Enchanted

James Marsden Is Engaged to Be Married To: Giselle, basically Snow White.

Why She Agrees to Marry Him: Saves her life. Is a charming prince, which is good as gold in fairy tales.

How She Repays Him: Breaks their engagement, leaves him for a divorce attorney.

What He Did Wrong: When that divorce attorney drops her on her ass, James Marsden isn't there to pick her up because he's too busy going on a heroic journey to save her. The divorce attorney is there to pick her up, on account of being the one who dropped her. When will James Marsden learn, you guys?

1

Straw Dogs

James Marsden Is Married To: Kate Bosworth, actress, former cheerleader.

Why She Agrees to Marry Him: He's a Harvard-educated screenwriter. Wealthy. Cultured.

How She Repays Him: Does a striptease for creepy ex-boyfriend, who ends up making good on his rape-y mustache.

What He Did Wrong: Travels to the South to help repair her father's house, tells her to wear a bra around creepy ex-boyfriend because he's worried he might be sexually aggressive.

The Only Possible Explanation: We could talk about how James Marsden has a generically handsome look that makes it easy to view him as the other guy. We could talk about how God and DNA joined forces to build a face that makes you want to fuck its wife. But the truth is, there's really only one possible explanation: James Marsden fucked his agent's wife.