Collins never went beyond threatening, but that was obviously enough for his neighbor to call the police to report that a man had pulled a gun on him for farting. After the presumed lecture over fake 911 calls had ended and the police realized that he was serious, they were dispatched to Collins' home. There they found the gun he had used in his car, and arrested him for possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose. Wait, that's not a legal reason to pull a gun in New Jersey?
"Don't be ridiculous ... we repealed that last year."
Of course the best part of this story is the fact that it got reported at all -- when the cops got involved, apparently both the gunman and the victim acknowledged that the fart was the instigator. It wasn't just some crazy heat-of-the-moment thing, and no one felt the need to tell the story in a way that made them look less like neighbors from a wacky sitcom. No, hours later, everyone involved was like, "You see, when I heard the fart, I knew that this was a situation that only firearms could solve. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go tell the press the same thing: I want the world to know."
Woman Sues Walmart Over Two Cents
When Mary Bach reached the cash register at Walmart with her pack of Brown 'N Serve sausages, she knew that something was very wrong -- the label on the product read 98 cents, but the cashier tried to charge her a full dollar. She wasn't impressed, and neither, we assume, were the people lined up behind her with their groceries while she haggled over the two-cent outrage.
Walmart offered to defuse the situation by refunding the two cents, but the damage was done, and this grandmother wasn't about to take it lying down.
"Especially not with how long it takes me to sit up these days."
So she sued their asses over those two cents, alleging that it was totally intentional and they were trying to rip her poor ass off.
According to Bach, the suit wasn't about the money -- it was about principle. How can you justify overcharging customers two cents? The kicker is that Bach won the suit. The courts awarded her $100 for her suffering and $80 for her trouble. On one hand, that's a trivial sum compared to the time and energy she must have devoted to pursuing it. But that is also 9,000 times the disputed amount, making this the world's most successful and dumbest lawsuit at the same time.
Which kind of makes it the Walmart of lawsuits.
Xavier Jackson can be reached at XavierJackonCracked@gmail.com and has a Facebook page where you can yell at him.
For more people who went a bit too far, check out The 7 Most Bizarre Fast Food Industry Lawsuits and 6 People Who Died in Order to Prove a (Retarded) Point.
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