Everybody knew a rich kid growing up: the one who got all the toys the rest of us couldn't afford, and then used them instead of personality to win friends. He sure looked like he was having fun, though, with his video game consoles and in-pool water slides. Maybe money really can buy happiness? Well, that all depends: Some well-off parents buy their kids a full-size, functional Transformer for their 10th birthday, sure, but some of them just buy their kids the kind of boring, expensive toys that only serve as status symbols -- status symbols that children are way too young to understand or care about. Because hey, it's never too early to get a head start on being a detached, rich little dickhead.
As we've already covered, there is apparently no shortage of wealthy parents willing to front $100,000 for kid-sized Ferraris. Man, your kid is going to be knee-deep in cooties when he rolls by the playground in that sucker. Kindergarten bitches love Italian; everybody knows that.
"And unlike most adult Ferrari owners, I have a reason for being hung like a child."
And to be fair, that actually does look awesome. If your rich parents buy you that car for your Sweet 8, they either love you very much or secretly want you to die in a fiery accident as soon as possible. But what if you want the other second graders to know that your kid is better than them, but you don't particularly care if he has something as pedestrian as "fun" while doing it? That's where luxury models like Playsam's Roadster Saab come in. For only $500, you can purchase this mini-replica of an Ursaab 92001:
Finally, your child can fret about Indochina with style and authenticity.
Look how refined! Look how tasteful! What child doesn't dream of tooling around in a vehicle with such subtle lines and an artfully minimalist black-and-beige color scheme? Why, doesn't every red-blooded young lad have a poster of a vintage Saab sedan on his wall?
Children do not appreciate refinement and taste: Children appreciate the color red and the fact that it turns into a robot. Forcing this thing on your children teaches them one lesson and one lesson only: It's only important that your car is expensive, not enjoyable.
And if a $500 wallet enhancement isn't rich enough for your blood, you could spring for the $16,000 Type C pedal car offered by Audi. It's a little cooler looking, true -- but still in a sleek, old-fashioned kind of way that you won't learn to appreciate until your early 40s, when you start longing for the days when racing was still a gentleman's sport.
This costs more than most people's actual cars.