Yes, we realize almost all of our examples are from the Civil War. Our research found conclusively that it was the most adorable war ever fought, and we dare you to prove otherwise.
In February of 1863, the Confederate Army found itself in a jam near Rappahannock Academy. Two back-to-back snowstorms buried several divisions under nearly a foot and a half of snow in northern Virginia. After five days of relentless snow, the sun finally returned and milder temperatures began to soften the deep snow cover.
A lot of good snowmen died that day.
The soldiers emerged from their tents into the newly white landscape, pushed to their extreme limit. They were wet, freezing, filthy and hungry -- this could not go on any further. They had one thing in mind, and one thing alone:
A 10,000-man snowball fight.
The Confederate Army had recently undergone an organizational overhaul, which had led to a certain amount of friendly rivalry between units. Up to that point, this had been limited to verbal barbs and we assume the occasional West Side Story-style dance battle. But when the battle-hardened soldiers took one look at the vast fields of ideal-for-snowballs snow, they knew shit was about to go down -- 11-year-old style.
"Make them snowballs bigger. I've got me an idea ..."
In the morning of February 25, General Hoke riled up his North Carolinian soldiers for an early morning assault at the camp of Colonel Stiles' Georgian Brigade. They formed up in full battle lines -- complete with cavalry and everything -- and followed their officers straight into the Georgians' camp, where they proceeded to pelt them with snowballs.
Understandably, the Georgians were taken by surprise when the barrage of friendly fire hit them in the form of a metric fuckton of snow. It was looking like a quick victory for Hoke's boys, until everyone at the nearby camps noticed what was going on and decided to help. The influx of reinforcements joined in on the ruckus and pushed Hoke's soldiers back.
"Hey! That one had a severed finger in it!"
With North Carolina on the retreat, Colonel Stiles quickly convened a Council of Snowball War for counterattack measures. He decided to employ a variation of the most basic of military strategies: organize his troops, put a snowball in the hand of each man and march straight into the heart of "enemy" territory.
Sadly, Stiles had never learned the "build a big-ass snow wall and park yourself behind it" gambit as a kid, while Hoke clearly had plenty of experience. Stiles' men stormed the North Carolinians' camp in a neat formation -- only to find Hoke's troops standing steadfast against them, each and every one of them holding the middle schooler's equivalent of a Gatling gun: a sack filled to the brim with snowballs.
"How stupid are they? We've got guns."
What followed was nothing less than a snowbath, where hundreds of Georgians were captured and "whitewashed." It was later described by a participant as "one of the most memorable combats of the war." Even though the Georgians and their allies eventually succumbed to the superior firepower of the North Carolinians, everyone went back to their camps happy -- they'd all had jolly good fun, and the worst injuries of the day were a few bumps and scrapes here and there.
So, in case you spend your time reading comedy websites, governments of the world: Please consider fighting all future wars as epic snowball battles. The precedent's right there.
So that's sorted then, Canada. Mexico can referee.
For more stories that combine cuteness with war, check out this article.
For some not-so-cute war stories, check out 5 Soldiers Whose Horrific Injuries Only Made Them Angry and 6 WWI Fighter Pilots Whose Balls Deserve Their Own Monument.