To her dad, you are Fred.
Why You Can't Win
While you may want to punch Fred's stupid face ...
Really, there's no "may" about it.
... millions of YouTube subscribers love him. Specifically, millions of children. How is it possible? How can they be so stupid and like something that so clearly sucks? You wouldn't know unless you were their age. They wouldn't understand why he's irritating unless they were your age. That gap cannot be bridged.
And that's exactly what your girlfriend's dad is going to struggle with the minute you walk in the door. The things you find funny, the way you talk, the way you wear your clothes and comb your hair aren't going to just be foreign; they're going grate on his nerves. Kind of like when you friend a young relative on Facebook and end up blocking them for their constant unironic LOL talk and heart-filled statuses. He will feel about you the way you feel about Fred. Only you now have to imagine Fred humping your little girl.
You Make Him Look Bad To Her Mom
Young love is sweet. The passion, the excitement, the grand romantic gestures, the precious moments between the two of you. What you may not have noticed is that you have an audience -- namely, her mom. And she's watching carefully as you shower her daughter with attention, presents, and affection, and whether she shows it or not, she's getting jealous. Guess who's going to bear the brunt of her envy? Your girlfriend's dad.
Why You Can't Win
It's another pheromone thing. Everybody knows about the supposed synchronization of menstrual cycles in women living together. So in the same way that Mom can subconsciously pick up on her daughter's menstrual cycle, she can also sense those love pheromones that are getting sprayed around like sex-scented Febreze.
You can choose from "Vulva", "Taint Stink" and "Haitian Delight."
But even on a common-sense, non-chemical level, it's going to be pretty hard for the lady to not resent your gifts of chocolates and overstuffed teddy bears and 18th-century samurai swords that you keep bestowing on her daughter, when the best she can hope for is an occasional "Atta girl" and love handle pinch from her husband. You can bet your bottom dollar he is going to feel that resentment, and channel it right back to you. This shit has a way of flowing downhill.
2017 Update: One entry removed due to questionable sourcing, in the name of trying to keep fake news out of your feed.
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