Round One - Basic Bra Division:
Amy Winehouse's Red Bra vs. Rihanna's Green Bra
Kristi: You know how when you're a little kid, and you try to draw flying birds, but it's too hard because of the feathers and the beaks and talons and whatnot? So you just give up and draw these weird little curvy versions of the letter v? Rihanna's bra turned her knockers into a childlike drawing of a flying bird. That bra is working so hard her cleavage looks like the logo for McDonald's.
And I don't even want to talk about the support that's going on in this picture. Let's just say that if Rihanna's hooters were two of Flava Flav's babies, they wouldn't be lacking $63,000 in backed up child support. They'd be riding their ponies to private school. And you have to give Rihanna props for Kermit green in the first place. Only a sexy, confident, well-racked woman could pull off this spectacle of a bra.
Adam: Look, this bra that Winehouse is rocking is doing God's work. It's making the impossible happen. It's moving mountains. It's healing the blind. It's making Amy Winehouse look downright bangable. From the neck down at least. Nobody in their right mind would ever look at this picture of Amy Winehouse and see anything more than a drug addled disaster worthy only of pity. Not pity sex. Just pity. But let's have a look from a different angle.
Yeah, things just got a whole lot more promising. If this was an episode of Let's Make a Deal and you had to choose between the mystery box and this rack, you'd probably choose this rack. Because for all you know, it's attached to Megan Fox. But then Wayne Brady would reveal that the mystery box contained a brand new Honda Civic and a trip to Maui and this rack is actually attached to Amy Winehouse and you should have known that because Megan Fox's chest hasn't looked like that since she was on Two and a Half Men. But by then, it's too late. The bra has worked its magic and you're going home with Amy Winehouse. Zonk!
Round One - Projectile Bra Division:
Lady GaGa's Machine Gun Bra vs. Katy Perry's Cake Frosting Bra