4

Portugal Gives Away the World

You wouldn't know it now to look at them, but at one point Spain and Portugal were the biggest superpowers in the world. So when the New World was discovered, you best believe that they were all over that shit like filth on a hobo. Unfortunately, property law of the day was pretty much limited to shouting, "But I was here first!" and then taking all plaintiffs to the High Court of Abdomen Stabbing.

So the land-grab turned into a big ol' funny hat-wearing slap-fight until eventually, both governments were fed up and sat down to negotiate terms peacefully. The solution they came up with, which they called the Treaty of Tordesillas, was based on logic straight out of a Three's Company episode: They simply pulled out a map of the New World, drew a line down the center, and let the Spanish have everything to the West while the Portuguese got all the stuff to the East.

Which seems fair enough... until you look at that same line on a modern-day map:

Oops.

3

MikeRoweSoft Takes On Microsoft, Wins

Back in August of 2003, a 17-year-old Canadian by the name of Mike Rowe decided to set up a website for his part-time web-design business. The name he chose was MikeRoweSoft.com, and the more observant of our readers will have noted that this bears a striking similarity to a certain software mega-corporation. So it's not exactly surprising that the humorless executives from Microsoft found out about Mike's site and immediately asked him to take it down due to trademark infringement.

When Rowe asked for some sort of compensation, they offered him the kingly sum of $10. No, we're not missing a few zeroes there: One of the wealthiest companies in the entire world decided they couldn't afford to spend more money on Rowe than they would on a plate of Fajita Bely-Blasters at Applebee's. Oddly enough, Rowe declined this generous offer and was served with a 25-page cease-and-desist order instead of delicious, flavored-fired quesadillettes.

2

A Little Old Lady Cheats Death (and a Lawyer)

One day back in 1975, a dapper middle-aged French lawyer by the name of Andre-Francois Raffray had a devil of an idea: He sought out a 90-year-old woman named Jeanne Calment, who was currently living in a very nice apartment indeed, and offered a deal: He would pay her 2,500 francs ($500) a month for the rest of her life if, when she died, he could take over the apartment regardless of how much money had been paid in total. The benefits were obvious: Once the old lady kicked the bucket a few months later, the Frenchman would move in after paying only a fraction of the actual cost of the apartment, presumably while twirling his mustache and cackling diabolically at the foolishness of the sweet old crone.

1

John Fogerty Rips Himself Off (Twice)

John Fogerty was the singer, songwriter, guitarist and general creative force behind classic rock band and mom aphrodisiac, Creedence Clearwater Revival. Due to a falling out between its members (either Fogerty being a dick or an overworked genius, depending on who you ask), CCR disbanded in 1972. Which was a problem since Fogerty had been representing the band himself, and had signed them all to an insane 14-album deal. To give some context, the Beatles, in their long and prolific history, only produced 13 records. CCR had made six. Eventually the problem was resolved when Fogerty gave the rights to every CCR song to Fantasy in exchange for letting him leave the band, which is like resolving a roach infestation by giving the bugs your keys and moving to North Dakota.

That'll show 'em.

This meant that for the rest of Fogerty's life, he could never make money from, nor even play, the songs that he made famous; songs that still get airplay today. His ensuing solo career was pretty much what you've come to expect from "solo careers": A dismal downward spiral that ends in a Sambuca-flavored vomit puddle outside the wedding gig you're doing for "dibs on the buffet leftovers." Fogerty was understandably a little miffed at this whole thing, and recorded a scathing song called "Zanz Kant Danz" about the CEO who helped him screw himself over. In retaliation, Zaentz and Fantasy Records brought a plagiarism suit against Fogerty for infringing on one of the other songs they owned, called "The Old Man Down the Road." So who did John Fogerty allegedly steal this song from?

One Mr. John Fogerty.

Fantasy claimed that he ripped off one of his old Creedence tunes to use in his solo career, and since they owned the entire catalogue, they decided to bring him to court. And while the justice system, proving it wasn't completely insane, eventually upheld Fogerty's right to take inspiration from himself, he did have to change the title of his other song to "Vanz Kant Danz," doubtlessly confusing many fans as he apparently penned a scathing rock retort to a shoe company.

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For more people who would be envious of these deals, check out The 5 Ballsiest Con Artists of All Time. And find out what their apologies would be on par with, in The 6 Most Insincere Apologies of All-Time.

And stop by our Top Picks (Updated 06.09.10) to see the deal Popsicle Pete made with satan.

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