Every Saturday, we like to feature an article from one of our favorite websites or comedians. It gives us a chance to shine the spotlight on some funny folks that we like and, more importantly, let's us sleep off our hangovers all day Saturday. This week, we bring you Cody Johnston. He's written for our old magazine, he's made some videos for us and now here he is trying to destroy YouTube. Or maybe become YouTube. It's not too clear.
The trends abounding within YouTube's narcissistic walls are plentiful. A good nut shot or reporter accidentally saying "fuck" will always be able to make its rounds across the cyberweb. But what of the little guy? The poor subscriberless schlub who just wants to become the next big YouTube star, like the bafflingly popular Fred Figglehorn, or the understandably popular adorable Asian child singing Hey Jude? There is still hope for you, schlub, because I am about to prove that by simply producing some of the most popular YouTube memes, YouToo can become an Internet superstar. Come with me as I lead you on a video journey to fame and fortune (or at least a mention on Attack Of The Show or some shit).
The worst thing that has ever existed and will ever exist on the Internet is a "character" by the name of Fred Figglehorn. Not only is he the most subscribed "comedian" on YouTube, but he is also... God, the most subscribed comedian on YouTube? Maybe I should just make a video of me shooting myself in the fucking head. I won't, but I should. Instead, I'll make up my own character, because nothing says "comedy" like a funny voice and no jokes. MadTV, here I come!
If you're over the age of five and under the age of 40, chances are you've played Super Mario Bros. on NES. If you're also not deaf, chances are you've gotten the theme song stuck in your head at least once a day for your entire life. Thank God for the Internet, because that means you can hear any person who owns an instrument play their version of the song. Like this guy playing the theme on a Theremin, which is one of the most difficult instruments to play while at the same time being the most ridiculous instrument ever played. Impressive? Yes. Pointless? Yes. I feel like I could do better.
Did you know that if you post a video on YouTube, literally anyone with a computer and Internet connection can see it? Sadly, not everyone does. If you post a video on YouTube, PEOPLE WILL SEE IT. And you know what? Not everyone will like it. In fact, a lot of people will hate it because that's what people do. They hate. And guess what else? In true Internet fashion, they will let you know how much they hate it, probably with the worst grammar imaginable. Nut up, YouTubers. It's the fucking Internet. I should probably take my own advice, though, because apparently I'm a fucking pussy and I need you to STOP LEAVING MEAN COMMENTS!!!
No one really knows why the cat became the Internet's flagship animal, but that's just where we are as a nation right now. The Internet thinks there's something inherently funny about cats doing thingz to, in or with other thingz, and the average YouTuber is eager to show how, of all the funny cats, theirs is the funniest. It's hard to surf the world wide whatever without stumbling on a video of a cat cruising on a roomba or (better yet) a cat diddling itself. Well, screw you Internet. I have a cat, too, and sure it doesn't croomba (cruise on a roomba), but it's motherfucking hilarious.
Do you remember Sublime? They were that shitty band that everyone secretly hated but claimed to love because they wanted to get dorm-laid by all the weed-addled co-eds who were also just pretending to like Sublime because they wanted to get dorm-laid by all the weed-addled guitar-playing losers who thought it would be easy to get laid by playing "What I Got," "Redemption Song" and "Crash Into Me" outside of their dorm. Well, the Internet is no different. "What I Got" is possibly the most covered song on YouTube (Here are seven: One, two, three, four, five, six and seven), aside from the Mario Bros. theme. Although I'm not playing the right chords, I'm hoping this video will still get me laid...
The main byproduct of YouTube isn't creativity. It's "Look At Me" Syndrome. Everyone and their horrible brother films themselves dancing to literally any song their iTunes accidentally craps out. And people watch them. I'm sure of it. The most popular song seems to be "Nobody's Perfect" by Miley Cyrus or Hannah Montana or whatever the fuck. Apparently tweens love it. Seriously, YouTube search "dancing to nobody's perfect." YouTube search the shit out of it. All I can say is, mine's better. Mine is a million thousand times better.
Check out Cody's helpful tutorial of the most difficult video game ever. And while you're in the learning mood, be sure to consult our handy chart to find out How To Tell If You're in the Next Sacha Baron Cohen Movie.
And in case you missed anything this week, check out the Round-up (we'll let your laziness slide this time).
For as much as people love them, the 'Star Wars' movies have gotten rather awkward from time to time.
Bawitdaba, pass the green beans.
It's hard out there for millionaire purveyors of garbage pizza.