Wyoming State Motto: "We're so lonely."
Seeing the aftermath of the meteor crashing into the earth, we now know that if only he'd suggested that long awaited trip to check out Mount Rushmore (on which he'll probably never see his face added) a whole pantsload of American voters could have been saved. And if he'd suggested it in that soothing Morgan Freeman voice of his, we're betting he could have salvaged a few votes in the process.
Billy Bob Thornton as The U.S. President (Love Actually)
How He Fucked Up
For years, the US and England were like bickering siblings, and like many brothers who grew up hating each other and beating each other up, they gradually grew to be great friends. And then, a U.S. president like the one portrayed by Billy Bob comes along and fucks everything up because he decides he wants his older brother's new woman. And then you know shit is on!
Why He'd Never Get Re-Elected
"Suck my dick, England."
From his disconcerting "low talking," to the creepy way he leers at women and the overall lack of tact, it's a wonder he was ever elected in the first place. We're a bit baffled that someone could have actually won on a platform of "Show me them titties!"
In a single trip to London he managed to:
- Bully the British government to the point where they were forced to actually grow a pair,
- Acted like such a dick that he very well may have single-handedly shattered one of the countries' oldest alliances, and
- Raised serious doubt as to whether the two nations could possibly remain BFF.
To make matters worse, within seconds of Prime Minister Hugh Grant leaving the room he began forcing himself on a defenseless Monica Lewinski-lookalike, showing even less restraint than Bill Clinton at Hooters.
"What's this supposed to be, some sort of heartwarming seasonal comedy about life and love? Fuck that, get those titties out!"
What He Should Have Done Instead
With the world climate seeing a whole shitload of people turning on the United States and deeming it a nation full of assholes, he may have been better served to acquiesce to a few of the Prime Minister's requests, which we assume consisted of getting Harry Potter a star on the Walk of Fame, maybe a deal on toothpaste and almost certainly "don't touch my woman."
After all, it doesn't make a ton of sense to tell your oldest and best friend that you don't really give a shit what he thinks and then try to steal his woman, which is precisely what President Billy Bob did. It might also help if he didn't look like Billy Bob Thornton.
"Ha ha, yeah, that's great. Seriously though, fish out them titties."
At the very least, he could have attempted to keep his dick at bay when he encountered the Prime Minister's love interest for the sake of the U.S./U.K. alliance. Hadn't anyone ever taught him the time-honored foreign policy of "bros before hoes?"