7

MC Hammer

Following / Followers

24,076 / 69,934

twitter.com/MCHammer

I was dubious, since celebrities usually wear their low Following / Follower ratio as a mark of pride. ("Pride" may not be the word I want--how do you spell "fragile ego"?) But apparently twitter.com/MCHammer is, forgive me, legit. Hammer loves Twitter so much he flew cross-country for the Shorty Awards, the first ever "Twitter awards ceremony" (your guess is as good as mine.) The posts aren't hilarious, but, beyond novelty value, Hammer's Twitter is the chronicle of a man who's seen bankruptcy, genie pants and everything in between, and isn't afraid to blow the trials he's endured completely out of proportion ...

Choice Tweets:

The reservoir I draw from runs deep and is anchored in the human experience and diverse cultures... to hell and back is an understatement

I caught the "Red-Eye" and now it's time for "Shut-Eye"!!! I had a little breakfast.... wait.. I might mess up my hair ! oh, Le coconut !!!

6

James Gunn

twitter.com/james_gunn

Following / Followers

23 / 3,601

Not familiar? Cliff notes: Wrote Dawn of the Dead, Slither, the Scooby Doo films and nothing else you've heard of (geek/virgin points to the 10 of you that just yelled "The Specials!") What the rest of you care about: He was married to The Office's Pam Beesly, which, for a certain quirky dork demographic, was like Brad and Angelina. His Twitter is just as idiosyncratic and occasionally maddening as all of the above would lead you to believe.

Choice Tweets:

(re: a recent poll) Easily 40 times as many answers to "how often I poop" as there were to "most important mind." I know where my fucking bread is buttered.

Watching Planet Earth. Pandas incredible cuteness is slightly diminished by the fact that their asses are covered in shit.

5

Neil Gaiman

twitter.com/neilhimself

Following / Followers

14 / 26,420

Refreshingly, the Sandman and Coraline scribe seems to have no use for the over-engineered, eyeliner-enhanced quirk to which many of his fans are inclined. Although celebrity self-absorption occasionally sneaks through, the Internet could benefit from more of his subdued Brit charm.

Choice Tweets:

In dublin. Just ordered breakfast. Was whisked thru airport by film vip magic and instead of queueing was given tea. All airports shd be so.

Best bit of the evening: being asked who my hair stylist was and having to explain that this is just what it does & not anyone's fault.

4

Britney Spears

twitter.com/britneyspears

Following / Followers

1,181/124,539

Chance it's actually her: 95 percent. Chance that everything she says is run by a manager, a publicist and dictated through two assistants: 9,000 percent (sorry, math was never my thing). Although the Tweets have all the spark of a well-revised press release, their sterility provides an interesting glimpse into the Stepford Wife-esque life of a fallen starlet whose handlers still have a vested interest in her continued visibility.

Choice Tweets:

I love Japan! I think all the tiny cars are so cute! --Britney

Had a great talk with Andre, one of Brit's choreographers, tonight. We're doing a profile on him- stay tuned. ~Team Brit

3

Demetri Martin

twitter.com/DemetriMartin

Following / Followers

- 2,994 / 3,399

Another dubious ratio for a celeb, but if Rainn Wilson and John Hodgman think it's worth following someone, that's good enough for me. Martin's comedy is built on meticulously crafted one-liners, so it's interesting to see him a little more unedited. It also helps if you read it with the comedian's trademark deadpan delivery echoing in your head.

Choice Tweets:

Last LA thing. Jamba Juice. Dude asks me what "boost" I want. So I asked if they had "superhero."

Why do celebrities name their kids cool stiff like Kal-el and Inspektor Pilot? Cuz I have 864 Katies/Saras following me. They all have cats.

2

Felicia Day

twitter.com/feliciaday

Following / Followers

84 / 62,346

Nerd-icon-on-the-rise Felicia Day (Buffy, Dr. Horrible) doesn't aim to be particularly insightful or hilarious. However, if you spend too much time on the Internet (rhetorical statement, you're here), you will fall in love with her. The savvy PR to reality ratio is still in question, but she's a cute, excitable redhead who posts intelligently about video games, graphic novels and personally knowing Joss Whedon. OK, champ, we're done here, you can put your pants back on.

Choice Tweets:

Cleaning up house, found an unopened copy of Spore, realized I never played it! GAH! Must remedy!

Started my Graphic Novel education, training myself to not speed through the text and appreciate the art is a learning curve, but worth it.

1

Shaquille O'Neal

twitter.com/THE_REAL_SHAQ

Following / Followers

380 / 87,931

Like some of his previous forays into mass media, namely Shazaam and Shaq Fu, THE_REAL_SHAQ blurs the line between unintelligible train wreck and sublime performance art. The posts run high on stream-of-consciousness and low on spell check, and range from short words of wisdom (usually self-attributed) to his signature one-liners (always capped with "lol" 'cause, you know, it's a joke). I could go on, but the man's bio says it best: "VERY QUOTATIOUS, I PERFORM RANDOM ACTS OF SHAQNESS".

Random act of Shaqness

Choice Tweets:

Just leavn lebrons party, i have no voice, can u hear this , ................... C i told u , no voice, lol

Random act of Shaqness #2

Ok i admit it i at performance enhancing frosted flakes 2 yrs ago, lol

Random act of Shaqness #3

If your n a bad place rt now, the best is yet to come Shaquille o'neal

Images courtesy of one man Photoshop powerhouse Randall S. Maynard.

Keep up with Ben on his blog.

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