No, instead we get a 52-year-old Jay Leno practicing kung fu on a ninja-defeating level:

Don't bother trying to find this comic in stores. Marvel divided it into three parts and tucked it non-sequentially at end of random serieses during summer 2002. This is bad for the 2.5 of you who actually wanted to read this turd, but good for the rest of us who avoided accidentally running across it.

And to make things worse ...
The writers tantalized us with a promising homoerotic subtext, yet for some reason chose not to pursue it.

For killing the most famous sidekick in comic history, The Joker was now the second-most evil man on the planet. Obviously, he had nowhere to go but up. Luckily, opportunity came a-knocking when the Ayatollah, the first-most evil man, appeared out of nowhere to offer the Clown Prince of Crime a job.

The Joker's new gig gave him diplomatic immunity and the chance to fill the United Nations with toxic laughing gas, a deed only Batman could anticipate because, y'know, he's Batman. He's omniscient and shit.

And to make things worse ...

The 1980s--a decade when comics didn't have to be PC because we knew we were right.

Naturally, readers bought Outsiders for all the cussing, fighting and fucking. For a while, all was good with our band of brassy super-hedonists. That is, until John Walsh showed up.

Walsh appeared in a three-issue story arc entitled "Most Wanted," in which the Outsiders took a break from fighting the Joker and Lex Luthor to battle a child prostitution racket. It doesn't take a fanboy to realize which of these villains is not like the other.

It's unfair to blame Walsh for the mediocrity of "Most Wanted"--the trouble was Walsh and the Outsiders couldn't have been a more mismatched pair. Given the plot's grimness, the comic's devil-may-care tenor changed rapidly, what with everyone having to tip-toe around the whole child rape thing.

And to make things worse ...
To get an idea of how intense Outsiders suddenly became, here's John Walsh on the case:

TO THE PEDOMOBILE!

Milligan's run on X-Statix received critical acclaim for satirizing both comic book and tabloid cliches, so as idiotic as this all sounds, it could have been good satire. Maybe.

Where it goes wrong ...
Unfortunately, Di's cameo was a little too crazy for some people. And when we say "some people," we mean "most people." And when we say "most people," we mean "also the British Royal Family."

Marvel never published Diana's appearances. After an outcry from Buckingham Palace and the press, particularly UK tabloid The Daily Mail, Marvel redacted the story. Milligan replaced Di with "Henrietta Hunter," a European popstar who was a replica of Di with the exception of a bouffant haircut.

The Diana debacle may have helped kill X-Statix. After Marvel delayed the comic (presumably to draw all the bouffants), sales dwindled and, eight issues later, the series was extinguished like a candle in the wind.

And to make things worse ...
This was not the last time Marvel ran afoul of European royalty. In 2005, Marvel was on the receiving end of a lawsuit from King Juan Carlos I of Spain after an artist turned him into Magneto.

For no apparent reason, a malevolent alien overlord then appears and challenges the entire Earth to a death match. Superman volunteers to fight on Earth's behalf, but Ali, being the egomaniac that he is, ignores the invaders and challenges Superman to a fistfight.

Ali's boast reminds the forgetful aliens that they possess Superman-depowering technology. Had Ali kept his goddamn mouth shut for another 30 seconds, Superman would have tossed the alien armada into a black hole, and this comic would be mercifully over in three more panels.

After a training montage or two, Super Cracker whisks Ali off to the fight, where The Greatest of All Time waxes poetic on intergalactic aviation with the dignity only a team of white writers can bestow upon a great black man.

The fight is the comic's most egregious problem. Despite being called "Superman vs. Muhammad Ali," the two of them never actually fight. Bundini Brown, Ali's cornerman, disguises himself as Superman in order to allow the real Superman, who is dressed as Bundini, to infiltrate the invaders.

Unfortunately for Bundini, this plan involves Ali beating him unconscious in front of a billion jeering aliens. Unfortunately for Superman, this plan involves dressing up in blackface.

Yeah, that's the kind of PR mistake you have to save the Earth four or five times to make up for.

And to make things worse ...
The comic continues along an equally insane, yet predictable, trajectory until the last couple pages. Superman saves the world and Muhammad Ali loudly asserts his own greatness to no one in particular. The last batshit twist comes when Ali deduces Superman's secret identity.

To put this ridiculousness in perspective, Lex Luthor, the smartest supervillain in DC Comics, has spent the last 60-plus years trying to figure out Superman's secret identity. Muhammad Ali, though bright for a boxer, still made a living getting punched in the head.

If you liked that, you'll probably enjoy our look at Pop Culture's Top 5 Fictional Mayors. Then, drop by this week's photoshop contest, where you can see this week's best entries before everyone else, or submit your own comic genius and win 5000 pennies.