Referring to things as the "new black" — Can we please stop this? Calling anything "the new black" is the new fucking retarded. Just because you exist in a tabloid-and-fashion-magazine coma, it doesn't mean you have to wander around talking like you're hosting Access Hollywood. Fuck, it doesn't even make sense. When was black the new anything? Black was around before the universe even existed, so I think that would make it the oldest thing in the world.
Jessica Alba Not Being Naked — Jessica, could you at least throw us a nip slip or something for the love of God? How many more times do you really think I'm going to shell out ten bucks for some suckfest of a movie like
Ads For Courvoisier and Hennessy In the Hood — As a liberal white male from an affluent suburb, nothing pisses me off more than the exploitation of black people. And I can't think of anything more exploitative than putting a picture of Marvin Gaye (who' been dead for ten years and is widely known for his artistic and political contributions to the black community) on an ad for Hennessy, then sticking said ad for overpriced liquor in the middle of Brooklyn. That's kind of like using a picture of Johnny Cash to sell amphetamines. Also, in an equally infuriating marketing campaign, Courvoisier has rolled out a series of NYC subway ads that say things like "Get Rich" and "Have You Earned It?", thereby implying that drinking fucking Cognac means you've made it in life. Look, you can drink a fucking bathtub full of Courvoisier while wearing nothing but a big necklace made of shiny rocks and a Helmut Lang helmet, but if you're riding on the Canarsie-bound L Train back to your Brooklyn studio apartment after a ten hour day working at fucking Radio Shack, something tells me you haven't "earned it."
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