Caring For Your Pet Aiken
Congratulations on your decision to purchase your very own pet Aiken! No doubt you've already noticed your pet's frail quivering body, it's pale, sickly skin and its ability to sing songs that you and your friends would never want to hear. With proper care and maintenance your pet's pitch-perfect vocalizing and sexually ambivalent presence may provide you with minutes of enjoyment. But the Aiken can also be a mysterious and mercurial pet. Here's what you need to know.
Basis Facts:

Eating Habits:

Spaying

Socializing:

Housebreaking:

Training:

Suitable Owners:

We wish you the best of luck with your new special friend and hope he brings you a lifetime of happiness. Please note, however, that even if you are a twelve year old girl, you might one day outgrow your Aiken. The floppy red bangs and crooked lipless smile that were once so appealing might one day seem incredibly disturbing. You might begin wondering why you ever let this sniveling, androgynous creature with its mating call derived from 1970's AM radio hits into your home. You might even wish you had never laid eyes on your Aiken. What you are experiencing may be puberty or perhaps musical discretion. But do not blame the Aiken for your changing taste. Instead, scoop him up into your arms. Place your hands firmly on his rose-colored, speckled cheeks. And then hold his head under water until the last notes of All By Myself bubble up and pop into a welcoming silence.