It's time for the the NCAA tournament: the one week out of the year that your office turns into a Vegas sports book. We've broken down the types of people you'll be encountering, character by character, so you know whose bracket to copy off of and who you're going to want to choke by the time the Final Four roles around.
The control in this little experiment in failure, you're going to pick whichever teams you've actually seen play on TV. This way when somebody asks you why the hell you have Louisville in the Final Four, you can quote Digger Phelps and say you "like the way David Padgett controls the offense." Of course, you only picked them because you happened to be hung over one Sunday when ESPN showed a Louisville game. This completely illogical strategy-- assuming someone is the correct choice because you know them -- is actually not as rare as you think, and is in fact the strategy Kevin Smith employs when casting a film.
Odds of Winning: 100-1
Totally dependent on which Sunday you were hung over.YOUR BOSS
Whether you work at a bank, a law firm or a factory, your boss views the office pool as an opportunity to establish some common ground with his staff and dole out some good-natured ribbing. "Hey Doug, what happened to your Kentucky Wildcats?" "Hey Doug, did you really have Syracuse going to the Final Four last year?" "Hey Doug, your girlfriend looks like she could use a night with a real
man." It is important to keep in mind that your boss didn't come to lord over you by being non-competitive, so it's best to keep the reciprocal chiding friendly and light.
Odds of Winning: 20-1
Keep your fingers crossed -- if he wins, he'll probably spread the wealth by taking everyone out to Chi-Chi's for lunch!THE GUY WHO DOESN'T PICK ANY UPSETS
This guy will talk at length about how he liked the grittiness Kansas showed in the Big 12 tournament even though it's obvious that he just put a checkmark next to their name because they have a lower seed than their opponent. The really
aggravating thing about this conservative approach is that, while it would never fly in a legit NCAA pool that weights for upsets, in a bush league office pool that just tallies the number of wins, this guy will do well more often than not. Even more annoying is how hard it is to find a box of live cobras to FedEx him.
Odds of Winning: 10-1
"Tupac didn't play it safe either," you'll tell yourself while picking Western Kentucky to make it to the finals, and again when they lose in the first round. Sadly, thinking of yourself as the Tupac of your NCAA Office Pool will not make this guy's victory sting any less.
THE BRACKET PRO
This guy has done his research. Too much of it in fact. When you tell him you like Georgetown, he'll go on a Good Will Hunting
-style rant: "Sure you think Georgetown's gonna win. You read Dick Vitale and Bill Simmons. You'll think that 'till you read Bilas' article on the Hoyas' susceptibility in transition. The sad thing about you is at the end of this tournament, you're going to realize that you spent $15 on an education from ESPN Insider that you could have gotten by swallowing a handful of Ritalin and watching your Xbox simulate all 65 games of the NCAA tournament." He'll be dying to explain every single one of his picks in great detail, both before the tournament starts and after all of his upsets don't happen and he's mathematically eliminated by the third round.