“I just want them to keep bringing guys on and I’m going to strip them of their health,” Tyson once declared. “I bring pain, a lot of pain…I’m on the Zoloft to keep me from killing y’all.” When Iron Mike finally does kill someone—and it’s only a matter of time—you’ll want him earning those kill points for your fantasy squad.
Solid First Rounders
Pete Rose might not have the lengthy rap sheet of a Strawberry, but he makes up for it with the severity of his missteps. He has received a distinction few athletes can claim, a lifetime ban from his sport, which is a points bonanza for fantasy owners. Arguably the greatest hitter to ever play the game, Rose received his permanent ban in 1989 for gambling on baseball while managing the Cincinnati Reds.
Rose managed to top that with five months spent in the slammer on a federal tax evasion conviction. Some might consider Rose a risky venture for a first rounder as he might not even commit a crime next season. But we say he’s worth the risk because if he does, you can bet it will be a big one.
Doc Gooden is another 1980s Met whose criminal accomplishments are every bit as impressive as his on-the-field successes. You knew the Doc was special early on—after winning the Cy Young Award in 1985 at age 20, Gooden led the Mets to a World Series Championship a year later, only to miss the ticker-tape parade “because he was hung over from an all-night binge.”
Gooden tested positive for cocaine in 1987, twice more in 1994, picked up a DUI in 2003, and was most recently arrested last August for a domestic disturbance. A dependable performer that can be counted on regularly for drug and alcohol induced scuffs with the law, the Doc just might have the prescription for your fantasy team to go all the way.