Ravens 28, Raiders 6
Raiders quarterback Andrew Walter
completed 37% of his passes for 162 yards and threw three interceptions. Despite the numbers, his outing was dubbed "impressive." This was largely because he was following in the footsteps of Aaron Brooks,
who managed to fumble two snaps from center-both of which recovered by the Ravens and converted into field goals-before being pulled from the game with an "injured shoulder... wink wink."
Bills 16, Dolphins 6
There were questions about the status of Duante Culpepper
's injury coming into the season, but the Dolphins quarterback is starting to look like his old self again. Unfortunately for Miami fans, he's starting to look a lot
like his old self again-the old self who had no mobility in the pocket, couldn't spot open receivers and forced passes that turned into interceptions. The old self who completed four TD passes, added a rushing score and ran for 40 yards every game is, as of press time, nowhere to be seen and presumed missing.
The Bills sacked Culpepper seven times, prompting the crowd to start chanting for backup Joey Harrington to get a chance under center. Stomping and clapping to Queen's "We Will Rock You", the crowd sang: "Weeeee wannnnnt"Â¦ Weeeee wannnnnt"Â¦ the guy who Detroit couldn't get rid of fast enough even if it meant they'd have to take a salary cap hit to unload his career 68-point-1 quarterback rating and average of five wins per season!" It was a mouthful, but catchy.
Vikings 16, Panthers 13 (OT)
Once you accept the fact that Minnesota kicker Ryan Longwell
had more touchdown completions than quarterback Brad Johnson,
the rest of this game somehow managed to get even more
boring. Carolina, already without All-Pro wide receiver Steve Smith
and linebacker Dan Morgan
, lost... well, a shitload more players to injury, including left tackle Travelle Wharton
, who left the game with a season-ending knee problem. Team doctors could only offer one possible diagnosis for the rash of injuries.
"Gypsy curse," they nodded in unison. "No other explanation, given that we've since learned our home stadium is not built on an Indian burial ground."
Giants 30, Eagles 24 (OT)
New York entered the fourth quarter down by 17 points but took advantage of the NFL's unwritten "Do not tackle or intercept any quarterbacks named Manning" rule to come back, tie things up and pull out a win in overtime. Manning's winning TD pass to Amani Toomer
was the receiver's second of the game, prompting groans as fans-even those in Giants blue-realized they'd have to listen to twice as many Chris Berman impersonations of Arnold Schwarzenegger saying, "It's not a Toomah!" on NFL Live
49ers 20, Rams 13
It was only reasonable to assume the firing of head coach Mike Martz
would result in a more conservative Rams offense, meaning they might run the ball more than a dozen or so times a game. What no one would have considered reasonable would have been a prediction that after two games St. Louis would have one touchdown and a loss to the pathetic 49ers.
Broncos 9, Chiefs 6 (OT)
As awful as the Seahawks/Lions game from last week-which ended with the exact same score-may have been, at least those teams managed to get their five field goals without needing to go to overtime. Much like a groundhog seeing his shadow in February, the end result of this game means at least one more week of