January 26, 2006
Look at me! I'm a race car driver! Vrrrroooom.
The insurance dude on Praire Home Companion lectured me again and said he wouldn’t insure me if I kept showing up drunk. I told him I sober up 2 P.M. usually. It’s not my fault that shooting starts at 8 A.M.
But that just made him angry so then I’m like, hey, I already have help. I’m in A.A.! At first, he didn’t believe me, but then I told him about the meetings and all the people there and their names and where they live and what they do for a living. And then I realized that our Director of Photography was at those meetings too. I knew he looked familiar! So I called him over. He denied it at first but I screamed until he admitted it was all true.
May 17, 2006
I swear, I am going to kill that Brandon Davis. Right after I do those USO shows and do my movie with Hilary Clinton. And start a talk show with Al Gore. I know I can. I can, if I ASK! It’s there and waiting and these people want to be with me to do this things and Peace will come if we ASK!
But then I will kill
November 15, 2006
November 16, 2006
Paris: She's the best. Or the worst. I can't remember.
November 28, 2006
I didn’t go to my meeting today. I just heard Robert Altman is dead. That is SO sad. He was a genius. I know I’ve seen one of his movies. Think! Think! Groundhog Day? Yeah, I loved that movie. I am so going to send the most thoughtful “Sorry You Died” text message ever!
December 13, 2006
My ass looked really fat this week and so I haven’t had a drink in 7 DAYS. I also had an interview and told People magazine that I’d been in A.A. for a year. Later, the clipboard dude asked me if I could stop telling people my success story. He’s just jealous.
Recommended For Your Pleasure
The flow of time is cruel to us all.
- By Mark Hill
- April 12, 2019
Lots of people forgot these movie moments ... but, like, how?
- By JM McNab
- April 11, 2019
You'll never unsee these unusual tics.
- By Aquiles Cacho
- April 10, 2019