SocializingNever, under any circumstances, should your Lohan come in contact with the common Hilton bird, which is native to Paris (you can recognize this bird by its song, which is heavily produced and awful). The two species do not mix and will often attack each other in ways that degrade them both.
SpayingSpaying your Lohan is not necessary, since the Lohan' diet and natural state make its womb unsuitably toxic for sustaining life. Nevertheless, should you decide to pursue spaying, you will notice your veterinarian wearing asbestos covered flame-retardant gloves. This is because the Lohan' genitalia is rumored to be unspeakably hot, with at least one expert referring to it as a "firecrotch."
Sleeping HabitsMany pet owners mistakenly think that the Lohan is nocturnal because of its sleeping schedule. This is a common misconception. In actuality, the Lohan is merely a lazy b***h.
TrainingThe Lohan lacks any discernable skills or the ability to learn, and unfortunately cannot be trained. While it occasionally rolls over and plays dead, these tricks have been attributed to controlled substances rather than a conscious decision to perform them.
HousebreakingAlthough the droppings of the Lohan can be quite pungent (on those days that it eats without vomiting), you should be sensitive to its feelings when cleaning, for the Lohan is under the impression that its feces do not stink.
Recommended For Your Pleasure
You don't make astonishing amounts of money without ending up a jerk in some way.
- By Adam Wears
- June 11, 2019
Criminal behavior can be influenced by some very weird, seemingly random factors.
- By Diego C.
- June 05, 2019
Even our most popular forms of entertainment can treat their employees like absolute trash.
- By Adam Wears
- June 10, 2019
The news spent weeks reporting on these giant scandals without bothering to mention the stupidest parts.
- By Mark Hill
- June 06, 2019
Even Hollywood couldn't deny these films were total thievery.
- By Tony Alpsen
- June 04, 2019