15 of the Biggest MFers on Earth

As anyone who has recently felt compelled to watch the first Scary Movie can attest, it’s not the size of the hammer, it’s the nail you’re throwing it at. But there are absolutely occasions where size does matter. If you’re dropping a rock on a dude’s head, for instance, a beautiful or interesting rock isn’t going to be as effective as a really big one. Fishermen don’t make outlandish claims of catching one that got away but was “this fascinating.”

The planet Earth is home to some hefty motherfuckers, really big bastards that sometimes have nothing else going for them at all, but really make you go, “Damn, that’s big.” Bigness kind of transcends everything, you know? People from different cultures, who speak different languages and feel like they have little in common, can all see a really big dog and think exactly the same thing: Fucking hell, what a big dog.

With the humanity-unifying ability of giantness in mind, perhaps this list of truly massive motherfuckers might herald a new era of world peace. Or it might just make you think, “Yes, that is quite big for a tree, isn’t it?”