Thank The Stars This Proposed ‘Three’s Company’ Reboot Didn’t Happen

There have probably been worse ideas than remaking the swinging ‘70s sitcom Three’s Company into a feature film. Hollywood made terrible movies out of mediocre TV comedies like The Beverly Hillbillies, McHale’s Navy and Car 54 Where Are You? Could Three’s Company be any dumber?

Maybe, if Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston and Drew Barrymore had their way. While the trio landed on Three’s Company as a project they’d love to do together in 2023, they raised several red flags before even getting started. 

First, Aniston says she won’t play Janet. Why not? “I couldn’t do the short hair,” she confessed. Hoo boy.

Second, Sandler says he couldn’t pull off Jack Tripper. “I'd have to be like Jimmy Tripper,” he said, without specifying if Jimmy would be a derelict cousin, a drunken uncle or some other sweatsuit version of John Ritter’s character.  

No Jack? No Janet? “Well, we're not doing an identical route,” argued Aniston. “This would be in the vein, in the spirit of,” a parallel universe in which Janet shares a haircut with Rachel from Friends. 

“We’ll workshop that,” promised Barrymore.

What could go wrong with the comedy stars remaking Three’s Company, other than two of the leads not wanting to play the show’s characters? 

Bewitched is a good example of what happens when big celebrities slum in sitcom remakes. One of that movie’s central jokes was, “Can you believe Nicole Kidman and Will Ferrell are starring in a sitcom reboot???” That was weird to see, sure, but the shock value didn’t last long. A funny script would have helped.

But there’s a bigger problem with a 2020s remake of Three’s Company, even more dubious than affluent, middle-aged roommates sharing a two-bedroom apartment. The sitcom’s premise no longer makes any sense.

For those who haven’t seen the original, here’s the setup. Janet and Chrissy’s roommate moves out, and they need a third contributor to make the rent. How about Jack, the guy who can’t find a room outside of the YMCA? The platonic friends agree to cohabitate, but their landlords, the sexually troubled Ropers, won’t allow unmarried couples to live in their building. So Jack pretends to be gay, convincing Mr. Roper that there will be no fornication in his building. 

No landlord in 2025 would give a flying eff who was sleeping with who, as long as the rent got paid. And since so many Three’s Company plots revolved around horny Jack trying to score with chicks without blowing his gay cover, what would a modern remake be about?  Just … people who live in the same apartment building? 

Sort of like fiftysomething Friends? We'll stop.