The Best Burns of the Golden Bachelor From the Women Who Want to Date Him
Golden Bachelor Mel Owens sounds like a real prize. After agreeing to star in a dating show about older men finding love with older women, the former Los Angeles Ram linebacker told producers he liked younger gals. On the In the Trenches With Jon Jansen podcast last June, Owens says he let the show’s producers in on a little secret: “If they’re 60 or over, I’m cutting them.”
Owens is 66.
Producers told Owens he couldn’t simply eliminate women because they’re older than 60, but “they're gonna be hot, don’t worry about it.”
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On this week’s episode, Owens’ aspiring partners got a chance to tell him how they felt about his idiotic comments in a “roast the Golden Bachelor” segment filmed in a comedy club. Here are eight of the ladies’ harshest burns, including some jokes cut for time courtesy of Entertainment Weekly.
Nicolle
Nicolle imitated Mel reading a love poem: “Roses are red / Violets are blue/ I want all the women to love me/ But especially you... and you... and you... But can I check your IDs first?”
Carol
“So I heard on the podcast that Mel likes to date 40- to 60-year-olds. That’s the first thing we have in common! He was looking for a younger woman, and we were looking for a rich quarterback.”
Monica B. (Yep, There Are Two Monicas)
“Mel, you’re like a classic car. You’re strong, you’re sexy, and you don’t go over 60.”
Robin
“Mel, you always have something in your throat. I don’t know, is it maybe that you put your foot in your mouth too much?”
Cheryl
“It makes sense that you’re from Detroit, because you remind me of a Detroit-style pizza — crusty, cheesy and square.”
Terri and Her Sassy Puppet, Carly
Carly, Terri’s ventriloquist dummy, went after Mel’s gray hair: “The carpet matches the drapes — and they’re dusty antiques!”
Roxanne
“Mel, you have the body of a stallion, but the speed of a sloth. Slow and cautious. And if that’s an indication of how you are in other settings, you might not be able to keep up with me.”
Amy
Amy had laryngitis, and her raspy, improvised set didn’t contain many punchlines. But at least she was spitting out some comedy truth: “Mel thinks he’s getting a 45-year-old. Isn’t that (bleep)ing funny?”