14 Celebrity Claims and Confessions You Couldn’t Waterboard Out of Us
Robert Pattinson is known for making up outlandish stuff during interviews. Unfortunately, none of his lies are as crazy as his truths.
Justin Bieber
He brought a pet monkey on tour, and it was confiscated in Germany: “That monkey’s endangered or something. But I had the papers. I even had it written out that he was a circus monkey and he could travel and all that shit.” He didn’t bother to get it back; he just paid the $8,000 fee he was charged for having the animal relocated to a zoo.
Cardi B
She explained on an Instagram Live that she had a tougher upbringing than some of her peers — “I wasn’t a Disney channel star. I wasn’t a nun. I wasn’t a saint. I have done fucked-up shit.” That fucked-up shit included stripping (which is fine), going back to a hotel with clients under the guise of having sex, then drugging and robbing them (which is less fine).
Rumer Willis
Willis has copped to having a big ol’ crush on her stepdad, Ashton Kutcher, while he was married to her mom Demi Moore.
Howard Stern
Stern flip-flopped on the Olsen twins in the most disgusting way imaginable. Before they turned 18, he said, “Normally I don’t look at a 13-year-old and sexualize them. I don’t, but these two are pieces of ass. They’ve grown up so perfect.” After they turned 18, he said, “Something went wrong. It really looked for a while like when they were 13 or 14 that they were gonna be supermodels.”
Tim Allen
He spent one night in jail, decided he didn’t like pooping in front of other people, and immediately narced on his accomplices: “I was put in a holding cell with 20 other guys — we had to crap in the same crapper in the middle of the room — and I just told myself, I can’t do this for seven and a half years. I want to kill myself.” The hilarious image of a failed suicide attempt, he says, is what inspired him to get into comedy: “The comic in me showed up, the purest form, and saved my life.”
Victoria Beckham
David Beckham, to his credit, immediately pushed back on Victoria’s claim to have grown up “working class” in an interview. He repeatedly asked her what car her father drove when dropping her off at school, and after several attempts to deflect, she finally answered: “Okay, in the ‘80s, my dad had a Rolls-Royce.”
Nicki Minaj
She went anti-vax on main, sharing the stupidest (and most personal) anecdote the world has ever heard: “My cousin in Trinidad won’t get the vaccine cuz his friend got it & became impotent. His testicles became swollen. His friend was weeks away from getting married, now the girl called off the wedding.”
Kourtney Kardashian
She says a doctor told her she should drink Travis Barker’s semen four times a week to improve her thyroid levels and help them conceive a child. She says she didn’t try it, but she made that sentence exist in our brains. Also, that’s not how it works and that doctor sucks.
John Stamos
He choreographed an intricate sexual assault when he was in a band in the ‘80s. While on tour in Finland, he wanted to hook a friend of his up with a girl he was making out with: “I said, ‘Hold on a second, I’ve gotta go brush my teeth.’ It was dark, I left the room, and I sent in my friend who looked like me.” It progressed exactly as planned, which sounds extremely illegal.
Jessica Simpson
She’s opened up about her baffling dental hygiene: she flosses every day, but only brushes a few times a week because she doesn’t like the “slippery” feeling of a clean mouth. She supplements her occasional brushing with regular mouthwash gargling, and wiping her teeth with a sweater.
Colleen Ballinger
After being accused of grooming her young fans, she took some time to… not reflect so much as write a song denying any culpability. She addressed the camera, saying, “Even though my team has strongly advised me to not say what I want to say, I recently realized that they never said that I couldn’t sing what I want to say.” Some of the points she sang in her defense were, “The only thing I’ve ever groomed is my two Persian cats” and “I’m not a predator, even though a lot of you think so.”
Kesha
She says her song “Supernatural” is inspired by the time she went “to the bone zone with a ghost.” She stayed in a haunted hotel, and claims that a “ghost detector” went nuts around her pelvis.
Dominic Fike
The edgelord and rapper weighed in on the Amber Heard/Johnny Depp trial, right in the middle of a concert: “I think Amber Heard is hot, dude. I know it’s not a popular opinion, and it’s not the focus at the moment, dude, but I’ve been having these visions of her just beating me up. I think it’s hot.”
Robert Pattinson
Not trusting his ability to convincingly fake an orgasm for the 2008 film Little Ashes, he told a German magazine that “I rubbed one out in front of the camera.”