12 Fictional Characters Built Entirely on Horniness
Some writers and filmmakers should consider just going to therapy for a while before they go making their art.
‘The Fifth Element’: Leeloo Dallas
She’s an intergalactic god who took the shape of a weird alien a century ago. Why did they need to stuff her into bright orange futuristic lingerie that made a space priest question his chastity?
‘Terminator 3’: The T-X
It was already established canon that time travel and nudity go hand-in-hand in the Terminator universe, so they knew exactly what they were doing when they cast Kristanna Loken as the T-X. Instead of letting her just be a brutal killing machine like her predecessors, they had her seductively lick blood, and spontaneously plump up her bust.
‘Tomb Raider’: Lara Croft
An accident by a designer working on an unfamiliar 3D character caused her chest to balloon to 150 percent (instead of the intended 50 percent), and naturally, his coworkers convinced him to keep it.
‘Futurama’: Zapp Brannigan
He’s an obvious parody of Captain Kirk, but more specifically of William Shatner as Captain Kirk, and he clearly displays the oblivious cockiness of a man who has compared #MeToo to the French Revolution. Brannigan wears a skirt to encourage wardrobe malfunctions, and is motivated entirely and almost exclusively by sex with any species, like Kirk himself.
Catwoman
The character has been overtly sexual in all of its iterations, which says something about its creator’s relationship with cats. Halle Berry’s turn in the role took the horniness to new heights, with a costume that was just S&M gear.
‘Fantastic Four’: Sue Storm
“Oh no, for this character’s powers to work, she has to be naked! Hey, what’s Jessica Alba up to?” — Fox producers in 2004, probably.
‘Twilight’: Jacob
He has essentially the same predicament as the Invisible Woman — he’s always turning into a werewolf, so it’s his very powers that necessitate him being shirtless and showing off his glistening abs constantly.
Peter Pan: Tinker Bell
In the original novel, she’s a little tiny kettle mender, a literal tinker. Then in stage versions of the story, she became a flash of light made by using a lamp and mirror offstage. There is no reason the 1924 cartoon needed her to be hourglass-shaped and wearing the shortest skirt in Neverland.
‘Return of the Jedi’: Leia
To his credit, George Lucas spent a solid two movies developing a badass character, but then finally gave in and delivered the fan service of the century, putting poor Carrie Fisher in an uncomfortable and humiliating golden bikini. Or, sorry, it was Jabba the Hutt who forced her to wear it.
Pepe Le Pew
A dangerous creature who is oblivious to his effect on women, who puts them in danger via stalking, sexual assault and his horrid wafting vibe, and who, despite all of this, bemoans only his own bad luck. A more perfect analogy for toxic masculinity wouldn’t come along until 1997…
Johnny Bravo
While he’s generally less assault-y than Le Pew, Johnny Bravo is still fueled entirely by horniness, and only held back from a triple-digit body count by his own utter dearth of rizz.
‘The Matrix Reloaded’: The Denizens of Zion
They gave us a gratuitous rave scene to introduce us to the rest of the humans in the underground city of Zion, and it looked like a frat basement in Waterworld. Everyone was as close to naked as allowable by law, inexplicably wet, and the whole thing was punctuated by shots of Neo and Trinity engaging in some wild missionary.