12 Epic Parties That Literally Went Down in History
Happy birthday, Mister President. I wore a tasteful gown and delivered a respectful rendition of the “Happy Birthday” song so as not to completely upend your personal life and global politics.
JFK’s 45th Birthday
The world’s horniest rendition of “Happy Birthday” was huffed in 1962 at a combination birthday party/Democratic fundraising rally. It birthed a historic scandal, and the dress Marilyn Monroe wore while singing became, for a time, the world’s most expensive dress.
Cyrus the Great’s 2,500th Anniversary
In 1971, the Shah of Iran threw a $175 million party to commemorate the founding of the Persian Empire. They had 600 royal guests from around the world, hung 20 miles of silk and imported 50,000 songbirds in what would ultimately be a goodbye party for the Iranian monarchy, which would crumble within a few years.
Admiral Russell’s Brandy Fountain
When he became First Lord of the Admiralty of the British Navy in 1694, Edward Russell threw a six-day, 5,000-guest party fuelled by a 375-gallon booze fountain that required bartenders to row around in canoes.
Andrew Jackson’s Inauguration
After his first inauguration in 1829, Jackson invited The People to The People’s House, hosting a meet-and-greet in the White House. So many people showed up that it turned into an ‘80s college movie scene, with guests climbing on furniture and breaking stuff. They tried calming everyone down with alcohol, which somehow made things worse. The crowd only began to disperse when the tubs of booze were dragged outside onto the White House lawn.
The Man Han Quan Xi
The Qing Emperor Kangxi threw himself a 66th birthday feast featuring 300 dishes over three days, including bear paws, camel humps, bird nests, leopard fetuses and monkey brains.
The Field of the Cloth of Gold
This fortnight-long feast was a joint effort between King Henry VIII of England and King Francis I of France to celebrate their alliance, with endless wine fountains and the meat of 4,000 animals. Their competitive nature peaked toward the end, when the two got into a wrestling match. England and France were at war once again the next year.
Truman Capote’s Black and White Ball
Capote threw a huge, fancy party at New York’s Plaza Hotel in 1966, ostensibly to honor Washington Post publisher Katharine Graham. The Grand Ballroom was full of actors, singers, royals and Rockefellers, and featured a near-fistfight between Norman Mailer and former U.S. National Security Advisor McGeorge Bundy, who disagreed over the Vietnam War.
Bacchanalia
The Ancient Roman take on an Ancient Greek party, Bacchanalia were yearly orgies attended by folks from all corners of society. Roman historian Titus Livius describes the premise: “When wine, lascivious discourse, night, and the intercourse of the sexes had extinguished every sentiment of modesty, then debaucheries of every kind began to be practiced.”
Ball of the Burning Man
In 1393, Queen Isabeau of Bavaria threw a huge rager to celebrate the engagement of one of her girlfriends. The main event was an intricate dance by King Charles VI and a gaggle of his noblemen, each covered in highly flammable costumes. The King’s drunk brother showed up late, ran to greet the dancers, and accidentally lit them on fire with his torch. Four of them died, one jumped in a vat of wine and the king was saved by an aunt’s flame-retardant skirt.
A Real-Life Gatsby Party
When the Igor Stravinsky ballet Les Noces premiered in Paris in 1923, professional partiers Gerald and Sara Murphy — reportedly the inspiration for the bangers in The Great Gatsby — threw a huge, star-studded ball on a barge in the Seine. F. Scott Fitzgerald himself showed up, as did Cole Porter, Jean Cocteau and Pablo Picasso, who designed the lavish tin car/plush toy centerpieces.
The Festival of Drunkenness
During the reign of the Pharaoh Hatshepsut, Egyptians would throw a yearly ripper in the Nile River Valley meant to recreate the myth of the warrior goddess Sekhmet. Legend has it the goddess got too drunk to finish destroying humankind, and so in her honor, the ancients would spend a day getting wasted and having sex.
The 1,400-Pound Cheese Party
A New York dairy farmer donated a four-foot wheel of cheese to President Andrew Jackson in 1836. Jackson let it age for a year, then made it the centerpiece of a big public blow-out at the end of his second term. The cheese was consumed in hours, but the stench lasted into the next administration.