14 Historical Slang Terms for Private Parts

14 “Futz” (Vagina)

A Schuylkill Register law report from 1941 stated that “Mr. Edward Lutz testified that the respondent told his wife that ‘she had a pimple in her futz’ and was drunk.” For the record, “pimple” has been slang for penis at times.

13 “Powdered Beef” (Penis)

In 1603, Shakespeare wrote of a woman who “has eaten up all her beef,” while another writer a century later wrote, “The Mettal’s stronger that’s well souder’d, / And Beef keeps sweeter once ’tis powder’d.”

12 “Purse” (Vagina)

In 1386, a Chaucer character boasted about how his wife was the best of the bunch: “Of whiche I have pyked out the beste, / Bothe of here nether purs and of here cheste.”

11 “Gimcrack” (Penis)

In a 1683 story titled “London Jilt,” someone wrote, “Limberham, though Impotent, caressed and embraced me so passionately… that I would have given all I had in the World that his Gimcrack had been in better condition.”

10 “The Bookbinder's Wife” (Vagina)

This appears to be a play on the whole “in the sheets” aspect of doin’ it. In the 18th and 19th centuries, it would be used in bawdy euphemisms like “The bookbinder’s wife; that stitches best in sheets” and “The bookbinder’s wife manufacturing in sheets.”

9 “Cockold’s Bow” (Penis)

In 1468, someone wrote, “A cockoldeis bowe is eche nyght bent. He that shett the bolt is lyke to be schent.” Bro, are you tryin’ to get schent tonight?!

8 “Tinder Box” (Vagina)

In 1628, an anonymous author wrote in Robin Goodfellow, His Mad Pranks and Merry Jests: “Maids in your smocks, Looke well to your locks, and your tinder Boxe.”

7 “Wimble” (Penis)

In the 17th century, people would go around saying stuff like, “My gallant wimble, my pretty boarer,” and “Panurge told me, that his prancer, alias his nimble-wimble, was like the unicorn.”

6 “Quoniam” (Vagina)

Chaucer’s back at it again in 1386: “And trewely, as myne housbondes tolde me, I hadde the beste quonyam myghte be.”

5 “Adam’s” Anything (Penis)

From the 18th through early 20th century, you could call your neener Adam’s flute, whip, needle, dagger or arsenal.

4 “Chapel of Ease” (Vagina)

A chapel of ease is like a satellite office for a church, allowing parishioners to cleanse their sins or whatever without traveling all the way to the main campus. In 1600, writers Anthony Munday and Michael Drayton wrote this dialogue:

Sir John: Sirrah, dost thou not know that a good-fellow parson may haue a chapel of ease, where his parish Church is farre off? 
Har.: You whorson-stoned vicar!

3 “Sir Martin Wagstaff” (Penis)

There’s exactly one known instance from 1653: “Sir Martin Wagstaff will perform that Office… in default of a Cudgel.”

2 “Jack Nasty Face” (Vagina)

Best exemplified in an anecdote by a writer named Jon Bee in 1823: “A lady from St. Bartholemew’s took a lee lurch, and threw a ground summerset backwards, when all might plainly discern Jack nasty face.”

1 A Tempest of Phallic Euphemisms

The 1653 novel Gargantua and Pantagruel included this absolute banger: “And some of the other women would give these names, my Roger, my cockatoo, my nimble-wimble, bush-beater, claw-buttock, evesdropper, pick-lock, pioneer, bully-ruffin, smell-smock, trouble-gusset, my lusty live sausage.”