The Cheesiest Stuff Superman Has Ever Said
Superman is back on the big screen and with him returns the asinine debate over whether he should still say the line, “Truth, justice and the American way.” It seems that in James Gunn’s movie, he doesn’t, which some trolls take as proof that the new movie is some woke, anti-American propaganda film. The argument against him saying it, however, is that Superman is the world’s protector, and let’s be honest, “Truth, justice and the American way” is a clunky, cheesy thing to bring up in conversation.
Still, I’ll admit that I’d like to hear him say it. Not because I want to feed the trolls or that I think its exclusion is somehow anti-American, but because I like my Superman to be a bit of a cornball. Like Captain America, Superman should have an old-fashioned demeanor and speak in platitudes. Plus, “Truth, justice and the American way” is far from the cheesiest stuff the character has said over the past 87 years.
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Just take these 10 way-cornier lines as proof…
“Frankly, Mr. White, I really don’t enjoy television. Too much violence. I was just reading Dickens”
Granted, Superman said this Superman II line while he was in his geeky Clark Kent persona, but it’s still cringey, especially coming from a guy who regularly levels his own city.
“There is a superhero in all of us. We just need the courage to put on the cape”
This line from Superman & Lois isn’t only corny, but feels like Superman didn’t really think it through. Sure, it’s easy to be a superhero when you’re a near-invincible alien, but encouraging every normal human without exceptional powers to be a hero with a cape might have some unintended consequences.
“This is no time for horseplay!”
Superman said this right after being shot at during his first appearance in 1938’s first issue of Action Comics. This guy was always cringe.
“A man I knew used to say that hope was like your car keys: Easy to lose, but if you dig around, it’s usually close by”
A real line from Justice League. Seriously, what the hell were all those Snyder Bros defending? Hope is like car keys? Superman may have a million superpowers, but one of them is certainly not crafting inspiring metaphors.
“Folks, get these better-than-ever puffs of wheat. They’re sugar-toasted and candy-sweet. They’re Kellogg’s new Sugar Smacks”
Yup, back on the old 1950s The Adventures of Superman TV show, Superman shilled for Kellogg’s.
“Relax, Jimmy! I’ll do the dishes at super-speed! What would you like to do tomorrow for your birthday?”
Just one example of the clunky, corny way Superman spoke in the old comics. This one is from a 1958 issue of Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen.
“I’d like to land a strictly non-Aryan sock on your jaw, but there’s no time for that!”
In 1940, before America entered World War II, Superman said this to Hitler in a comic strip published in Look magazine. The guy can’t even be cool when he’s beating up Hitler.
“Gentleman, one moment., I’d like all the people back there to know that our subway system is still the safest and most reliable means of public transportation. Thank you”
In 1978’s Superman, Christopher Reeve remarks how air travel was “still, statistically, the safest way to travel” after Lois nearly died in a helicopter crash. That’s the right level of cheese for Superman, but when they tried to poorly imitate it in Superman IV: The Quest for Peace with the line above, it was just unbearable.
“It’s not an S, in my world, it means hope”
In my opinion, the worst way to deal with Superman’s cheesiness is to pretend it’s actually cool. Like in Man of Steel, they tried to explain the “S” on Superman’s chest by saying it wasn’t an “S” at all, but the Kryptonian symbol for hope. By trying to tone-down the corniness, it just came off as peak corny.
“Well I believe in truth, but I’m also a big fan of justice”
Another example from Justice League of another attempt to make Superman’s corny character seem cool. Seriously, this line is far more ridiculous than “Truth, justice and the American way.”