Jerry Seinfeld Almost Saved His Very Bad Week with a Weekend Update ‘SNL’ Guest Spot

The most underrated spot on Saturday Night Live in recent seasons is the Weekend Update desk piece — a cast member gets to rock a solo turn that both shines an individual spotlight and saves lackluster shows from sinking. The spot can be a star-maker — think Bill Hader’s Stefon, Cecily Strong’s Girl You Wish You Hadn’t Started A Conversation With At A Party and Bowen Yang’s Titanic Iceberg. 

Last night’s Dua Lipa episode needed a little saving — she was fine, but until Update, the show was simply a string of so-so sketches. Then a trio of comedy heroes swooped in to rescue the night — including a ringer who showed up to salvage a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad week.

First up was the ascending Marcello Hernandez, continuing his rise as Cricket the Seventh, one in a long line of doomed pets belonging to South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem. The seventh version of Cricket understood what happened to the last dog: “Barking, eating every day — who does that? If she didn’t kill him, I would.” 

It didn’t take long for the urgent message behind Cricket’s forced smile to reveal itself — the dog was in terrible danger and needed to be rescued immediately. Hernandez was the perfect likable vehicle to deliver the dog’s desperation: “It’s like they say, I don’t know if she rescued me, or if I’m going to get shot in the face.”

The best Update bit, though, was Chloe Fineman as unhinged-child-star-turned-unhinged-young-adult-star JoJo Siwa. “I’m a bad girl now!” proclaimed Fineman/Siwa, gyrating in her desk chair like a Dance Mom Gone Wild. After Siwa released her first “I’m all grown up” single, “Karma,” in a bedazzled KISS outfit, Fineman sharpened her satiric knives and carved up the new persona. “It’s a pretty big change,” she bragged. “I used to be rainbow sparkles, and now I’m black sparkles. I look like if a figure skater joined a street gang.” Weekend Update anchor Colin Jost offered his thought that she was going for “if Mad Max was on Broadway.”

Fineman/Siwa crowed about her new dangerous persona. “I’m the first gay girl in the world! Bet you never met a gay girl before!” She also believed she invented an entirely new genre of music: gay pop. “I think,” Jost interjected, “that’s maybe just pop.” 

The final guest of the night was a “surprise” that had no right to be one, given the mindnumbing amount of press Jerry Seinfeld has done to promote his Pop-Tart movie. The saving grace here? Seinfeld is sick of Seinfeld too. 

Introduced only as a Man Who Did Too Much Press, the weary comic asked, “Is this a podcast?” After lamenting his mindless conversations with the Kelly Clarksons and Rich Eisens of the world, the Man Who Did Too Much Press had a warning for others who might follow in his footsteps. “I know I can’t undo all the press I’ve done,” he confessed, “but I want to help other people. If you’re struggling with press, you’re not alone. I’m talking to you, Ryan Gosling. When I started doing press, I was like you — funny, good-looking. Now look at me. You think this is how I wanted to spend my 26th birthday?”

With all of his griping about the death of movies, comedy and everything else he used to love, the past two weeks have been absolutely embarrassing for Seinfeld. But at least he gets a point for saying the quiet part out loud — he should have just shut up and let his movie do the talking.