For those of us fully immersed in Westeros and the lives of all its inhabitants, it's easy to forget that Game of Thrones' cast members aren't actually the badass men and women they play on TV. Well, it's easier to forget with some actors than others.
"He's just an actor playing a role. He's just an actor playing a role. He's jus-"
They're all regular working-class Joes who've put in their time with some forgettable roles. Fortunately, we haven't forgotten them.
#5. Rory McCann: The Hideous Hound Got Half-Naked for Porridge
If you know the show, you know the Hound had to get tortured by his sadistic brother to become a vicious killing machine (albeit a complete sissy about fire). In fact, he appears to take to water much more, er, swimmingly.
In this commercial, two women come across a kilt hanging in a forest near an icy lake. It belongs to the Pre-Hound, who is swimming in the lake like a sexy little polar bear, far too comfortably for a man from the temperate Casterly Rock. As he nears the shore, the women giddily anticipate the sight of some Hound dong, something the show has been egregiously lacking. Instead, they're greeted by this goddamn Adonis:
Quaker Oats Company
He's almost unrecognizable without his disfiguring scars, but if you squint really hard, you start expecting him to snarl menacingly at the little birds. Instead, his face contorts into what scientists have indeed determined is a smug grin, something previously thought impossible for the Hound's face to do. This isn't HBO, so there's no dong to be seen.
Quaker Oats Company
"And with how cold this water is, I'm thankful for it."
Then he goes home to eat porridge, which is obviously what this commercial is for.
#4. Liam Cunningham: The Onion Knight Was a Ridiculous Werewolf in Dog Soldiers
Poor Davos Seaworth just can't get a break. In Game of Thrones, he loses his fingertips as punishment for years of smuggling; in the 2002 Sci Fi Pictures original movie Dog Soldiers, he loses his humanity to become a werewolf. Wait, what?
The character who got a knighthood based on the size of his balls once played the mangiest, scrawniest, rat-faciest werewolf to ever dare show itself on screen, thanks to special effects apparently funded by Stannis Baratheon's military budget.
"ALL HAIL THE QUEEF OF THE NORTH!"
In an act of incest unheard of even in Westeros, someone actually decided it was a good idea to let this movie's director, B-list horror filmmaker Neil Marshall, direct the episode of Game of Thrones featuring the Battle of Blackwater Bay. He did such an admittedly good job that he was brought on to helm another important battle this season, but that's probably because there were no dire wolves involved.
Amazingly, Liam Cunningham isn't the only Game of Thrones actor whose resume includes a tacky SyFy role ...
#3. Emilia Clarke: The Mother of Dragons Got Chased by Dinosaur Bones in Triassic Attack
Fan favorite Daenerys (Miss Targaryen if you're nasty) wasn't always so skilled with reptiles or native tribesmen, as seen in the delightfully awful SyFy original Triassic Attack. In the movie, all Red Waste breaks loose when a Native American museum employee accidentally uses his Native American superpowers to bring dinosaur bones to life.
"That's how these people work, right?" -screenwriter
It's almost like a vision of some future world if the khaleesi had committed some terrible transgression against dragonkind -- her reincarnated form is chased through forests by winged skeletons that swoop down to get themselves a taste of fire and blood.
Eventually, though, the Mother of Dragons seems to experience some kind of past-life regression, as she magics the creature into submission with a hilarious ceremonial chant.
No word on whether she regrets being unavailable for Sharknado. But not even the khaleesi's cheesy shenanigans can hold a candle (or rather, a buoy) to those of her late husband ...