The 6 Most WTF Protesters Ever Photographed
We've covered badass protesters like these before, but their way of protesting injustice -- repeatedly swinging their giant testicles into hypocrisy like a pair of fleshy wrecking balls until the whole damn system comes tumbling down -- is not the only way. Peaceful movements can be quite effective too. Reason, logic and empathy are all equally excellent tools of opposition, if employed correctly.
And hey, if all that shit fails, you can always try complete and utter madness. Looks like it's working out great for these guys:
#6. These Pants: They Are Unjust.
"Welp. We had a good run, clothes, but an end must come to all things ..."
Nobody sings the blues like a black man. Nobody slaps skanks like a latina woman. Nobody drinks like a Scotsman, and nobody -- but nobody -- protests like a South Korean. When you're unhappy about something in South Korea, you don't write a wussy letter or file a pansy petition. You slap on your fightin' underwear and make like Michael McDonald: You take that shit to the streets.
This particular image is of a South Korean soccer fan after his team lost to Switzerland in the 2006 World Cup. Though he was doubtlessly overcome by the futile rage that poor ball-handling imbues in us all, this man chose not to manifest it via something as pedestrian and vulgar as violence. No, he marched right out into the middle of the road, as both police and rioters swarmed all about him, and the world in general devolved into anarchic chaos, and he said, "You know what? Fuck pants."
And he's right. Goddammit, he's right.
#5. Kanellos: Canis Tumultus
Jesus. That looks intense, whatever that is. But wait, this is an article about protesters. So where are they? Are these actually rioters disguised as cops, or was this one of those "protest via self-implosion" deals?
Nope: It's the dog. The dog is protesting here. That's Kanellos the Riot Dog, and if you've seen this image before, then you know what's coming:
Are they fleeing together from an unseen enemy, or is Riot Dog just about to fuck up a brother with poor color coordination skills?
Keen observers will note that, holy shit, that's the same Gas Mask Guy from the last article! Greek riots are like The Expendables of social protest.
A riot dog has been seen in every single riot in Greece for over a decade now. Notice I said "a riot dog" up there: That's because Kanellos is only one of three potential riotous canines. There's also Thodoris and Loukanikos, who are often mistaken for Kanellos because they have similar coloring, and all wear the same blue collar (that's not a conspiracy; it just signifies that a dog is current on its shots in the city of Athens).
If you're a little disappointed upon learning that the Riot Dog was not just one remarkable pup born with an innate love of tear gas only rivaled by his inherent dislike for The Man, take heart: The other riot dogs -- Thodoris and Loukanikos -- are most likely Kanellos' pups, carrying on his legacy.
That's right: Much like brachycephaly and hip dysplasia, intolerance for social injustice is a hereditary trait.
#4. The Protesting Clowns
Isn't that cute? Those clowns are affably mocking those police officers. I bet everybody's having a lovely, light-hearted moment in the midst of an otherwise tense situation up there. Except, of course, for the cop on the very upper right. Something about his posture is off. He looks a little scared, actually ...
In fact, most of these cops look pretty frightened:
"EeeeEEYAAH!" "Haha, Bill, keep it together you can't be leEEAYAAAH! Holy shit I just saw it!"
But why? They're just innocent clowns! Hell, they're not even really that: They're actually protesters who've dubbed themselves CIRCA, the Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Clown Army. And like most every 20-something doing some ridiculous bullshit, CIRCA seems to be taking themselves way too seriously, as Sociology 101 vomit like this illustrates:
"The methodology of rebel clowning was developed as a way of trying to overcome what we perceived as some of the deeper problems in the way we behave as radicals towards each other, ourselves and our world. To share and disseminate this form, that we termed 'rebel clowning'"
So they're not even real clowns, just self-important college kids who need more attention than ordinary rioting nets them. Why are those cops so scared of them, then? Oh, I don't know, maybe they faced down this terrifying goddamn wall of charging clowns earlier that day, and are still suffering from Acute Post-Traumatic Clown Stress Disorder.
I can not even comprehend the kind of trigger discipline it must take not to just reflexively terror-fire into the tsunami of grinning clown-flesh about to break right over you, but I do know that every one of those officers who came out of this experience with dry pants deserves a fucking Medal of Valor.
That's terrorism. That counts as terrorism.
Holy s**t, I love you man, I really do. Seriously. Funniest thing I've read in a while. :D
ReplyI truly believed that Juggalos where the stupidest, most pathetic incarnation of clowns ever to exist. Then I read about the Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Clown Army. They look just as stupid, plus they're pretentious, self-important attention whores. They are assclowns in every sense of the word.
Replyi wonder if canadians have some sort of genetic mutation that makes them care about hockey to an irrational degree. like, i don't care about sports at all (i'll watch football, but only because it's hilariously gay) but even i feel the urge to drink (our delicious) beer and yell at the tv during the stanley cup. especially if the leafs or the habs are in it. man, f**k the leafs.
ReplyMost people watch football because they like it, not because of latent homosexual tendencies.
exactly. they like watching large, sweaty men in tight pants reach between each other's legs, pat each other on the ass, and end up in large, sweaty man-piles.
Where's that indian guy with the bread strapped to his head?
ReplyAs a British Colombian (the province Vancouver is in) I'd like to point out that the Vancouver riots had nothing to do with the hockey game. Sure, they were triggered by the hockey game, but only in the same way the London riots were. It didn't matter if the Canucks won or lost. Everyone knew the riot was going to happen. We were talking about it weeks beforehand. The riot was a bunch of college kids acting out as an excuse to burn stuff.
ReplyWhich is why I hate humanity. "I want to be a dumbass, as soon as this game is over lets go burn shit!" -_- People like that should be shot so they can't breed their stupid any more.
If a Canadian team wins the Stanley Cup, half of Canada burns. Same goes if they lose.
if you look closely, that cop is also Michael Keaton as Batman.
ReplyI think this article may have made my day. Well done Cracked, well done.
Reply"You know what? f**k pants."
ReplyAnd he's right. Goddammit, he's right.
Thank you, Cracked. Thank you SO much!
The London Riots were not about injustice - they were triggered by the shooting of a known drug dealer who had previous convictions for violent conduct and firearm possession. Most of the rioting was born out of sheer mob mentality, and the vast majority of those who have been arrested for it have either been unable to explain why they looted shops or flat-out admitted that it was just for the buzz. There was no sense of injustice whatsoever, unlike the Toxteth riots. Between this and your disgusting character assassination of Pim Fortyun a few months ago, I have come to the conclusion that you don't know the first thing about social cohesion and in most cases don't even bother to research what you're writing about, lest it contradict your pre-set opinions.
ReplyThe picture in number 1 is just silly.
ReplyPlease tell me that's just red paint in #5. PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S JUST RED PAINT!!!
ReplyIt is red paint. Its main purpose is to force the police to remove their paint covered gas masks so they can see, and hence force them to inhale their own riot gas.
Thank you. I actually do feel better.
I think if the giddy officer in #1 would actually be sucked into the Event Horizon of Badassery if he got too much closer to that Luchadore.
ReplyAnybody else get the vibe that Lil' Horsey Rioter should be shouting something like, "I ASKED FOR FOUR STONES! NOT ONE, NOT TWO, NOT THREE, BUT FOUR!"
ReplyThere's a ZF1 under that horse.
Rioting Motorcycle Luchador is the name of my prog band's first album.
ReplyThat last line killed me, KILLED ME!
Replymade me think of the luchador that wanted brock samson to take him with him.crazy coincidence
Oh, come on, the clowns are not that bad. After the way you described it, I was expecting a veritable ARMY of clowns. There can't have been more than a dozen or so, and their running en-masse was more funny and pathetic than the stuff of nightmares. Especially the half-hearted cheering of "Yippee!" after they finished, followed by them awkwardly TURNING AROUND and going to try it again. Yeah, really terrifying, that.
ReplyThis is a horrible Cracked article. That photo purporting to be from the Vancouver riots obviously cannot be so, as those riots took place AFTER the game seven of those playoffs, occurring entirely AT NIGHT!
ReplyMoreover, could claim #2 be more unsubstantiated?!
what a bad article Mr. Robert Brockway
No Kyrgyz protester with LAW and riot shield (Bishkek 2010)? How could it be?! :)
ReplyAlready was in an article linked in this very article which is about WTF protesters and not awesome protesters as was the link linked in this article.
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Something so great about clickin neck page, lookin' at the pic with the hockey stick dude and the t-gas and thinking "..hockey stick...bet it's canada" *scrolls and reads first word* "Booyah!"
Reply