Like most Internet users, my life is a mockery of the human condition. Every day, I seem to accomplish less and less. Indeed, aside from my ability to turn oxygen into carbon dioxide and Doritos into poo–qualities that are hardly unique–I appear to have no impact upon the world at all. I often feel as if there is a cavernous void inside of me, and where others might keep “love” or a “sense of accomplishment from past feats” in such a place, I instead try to fill it with an endless stream of popular culture miscellanea. Because being able to remember all the Dinobot’s names is surely going to keep me warm on my death bed.
Anyways. Mondays.
I bring this up because it (partially) explains how I ended up with several hundred dollars worth of mint condition Care Bears in my possession. The details of how this happened are unimportant, although I will say that it occurred a few weeks back and involved the twin scourges of eBay and expired Kahlua. (Mondays again.) Consequently, I didn’t recall making said purchase, and was initially delighted to find two Care Bears sitting on my doorstep a few days later. “What a magical day!” I remarked to no one. However after further reflection, aided by my girlfriend, I realized this may not have been one of my savviest investment decisions. Using the reasoning and logic that all people who don’t use the Internet possess, she observed two key points:
1) Our landlord was unlikely to accept rare stuffed animals in lieu of rent money.
2) She would leave me if I didn’t return the damned things.
___
Initially I looked into re-listing them on eBay. Having never sold anything on eBay before, I was pants-crappingly annoyed to find out how high their fees were. For some reason, the idea of losing money on my very first Care Bear flip didn’t sit right with me. “No way,” I said, silently applauding my gutsy, Warren Buffet-esque investment genius. Lacking any better options, I decided to list the bears on Craigslist. Not only was the ad free but, judging by the people I see on public transit, the municipality I reside in has an ample supply of libidinous cousins. I was sure to find someone damaged enough to buy these off me.
MINT CONDITION CARE BEARS! HOLY CRAP DUDE, THIS IS YOUR LUCKY DAY. YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW
Bedtime Bear!!!!!
Love-A-Lot Bear!!!!!!
COME ON DOWN AND GET YOUR *&(@ING AMAZING BEARS. THIS WILL BLOW YOUR MIND’S ASS.
$20 OBO
As predicted, I got a ton of responses. Sensing the opportunity to start a bidding war, I directed most of them to come by my house Friday evening. I had the place to myself that night–my girlfriend was going to be at her parents for the weekend, where no doubt my qualities as a provider and human being would be discussed. “No real job.” “No prospects for same.” “Can only use a digital watch.” Etc.
The first caller came by a little after eight. I opened the door to see a man standing there, looking kind of nervous, a backpack slung over one shoulder. He appeared to be in his mid 40s, and had the look of a fellow who’d never once lost a fight with a cheeseburger. There was something a bit off about him, though he didn’t look threatening in the least. I guess this is what Care Bear enthusiasts look like. “Hi,” he said. “I’m hear about the uh, bears?”
“Yeah, come on in,” I said, opening the door and making room for him to enter. “You were…?”
“Mike. I sent you an email.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I remember. Mike. Come on in.”
He followed me into the house, past the front bathroom and kitchen to the living room. I had set out the two bears on the dining room table. “Here we are,” I said, gesturing at them.
“Nice. Very nice!” he said, looking around the room. He seemed more interested in the house than anything else. Eventually his eyes drifted over to the table. “Wow. Awesome bears! I haven’t seen those for ages.”
“You don’t collect them yourself?” I asked, slightly off balance. Why did he want them then?
“No, no. I mean yeah, I’ve got a bear right. Sure. For quiet time. But I don’t collect em like some of the guys.”
I struggled to piece all the words he had just used together into a better sentence. What the heck was “quiet time”? Before I could ask him to clarify, he excused himself to use the bathroom. I reeled, mouth hanging slightly open. Not actually recalling a time when I gave him permission to use the bathroom, I just sort of stood there, dumbstruck. Once the bathroom door shut behind him, I shook myself out of it. Well. Probably best not interrupt him now. But assuming he didn’t rape and kill me, I decided he was going to be asked to leave pretty soon. That’s probably the Emily Post preferred method of dealing with this sort of situation. When dealing with a prospective raper in your home, in all circumstances make him known where the door is. If it is the Autumn months it is expected you provide a tweed coat for him.
The doorbell rang, interrupting my meditations on tweed clad rapists. I walked to the front door and opened it to find two girls standing outside. They were not attractive in a conventional way, or, for that matter, an unconventional way. If pressed, I would probably have described them as “very nice people.”
“Hi,” one of them said, “I’m Cynthia. I emailed you earlier.”
“Right. You were the one who asked if you could bring your friend?” I asked quizzically. “I don’t see why you’d think that would be a problem.”
“You’re so sweet,” her friend said. She wasn’t wrong, but I played it cool and didn’t say anything to indicate I agreed with her assessment. I opened the door for them. As the pair walked past me into the house I noticed they had those huge bulky purses girls seem to love these days. Like they expect to have to set out for the headwaters of the Congo at a moment’s notice. Following them in, I frowned at the bathroom door as I passed it. Mike was bumping around in there, not making regular bathroom noises. Fucking Craigslist. This was becoming a very weird scene.
“Wow, you’ve got real Care Bears!” Cynthia exclaimed.
“Of course. That’s what the ad said. Look,” I said, rubbing my hands together, anxious to get this over with. “Two hundred a pop. You interested or not?”
“Two hundred?” The girls looked at each other, confused. “The ad said twenty.”
I stared blankly at them. Had I messed up the ad? It was entirely possible. The user interface for Craigslist looks like something that fell out of a monkey’s ass. Frowning, I crossed my arms and looked them over. “OK, well, that was a mistake then. Each bear’s two hundred.”
“Each bear?” Cynthia asked. “Your ad said $20 for admission.”
“Admission? For what?” I asked, incredulous. Behind me, I heard the bathroom door opening.
“Hi Cynthia!”
“Hey Tiger!”
I turned around to see a fat tiger standing on its hind legs in my living room. Stunned at the sudden appearance of a bipedal jungle cat in my home, it took me a moment to realize this was Mike. “Holy cats man, what are you doing?”
“Just getting a little more comfortable,” he said. An incredibly disturbing sound emitted from his head somewhere. Hours later I would realize, while shaking violently, that this was meant to be purring.
“Here’s your money,” he said, putting $20 on the table. Cynthia’s friend placed $20 on top of that and, with a wink, ducked past me and headed to the bathroom.
“Wait, whoa. What exactly do you people think my ad said?”
Cynthia and the fat tiger exchanged a glance with each other. “You said you were a furry enthusiast who wanted to hold a party.”
I gaped, incredulous at what she just said. “My ad? The ad which said I had two mint condition Care Bears for sale? A Bedtime Bear, and a Love-A-Lot Bear? That ad? You read that and thought I wanted people to come over, dress up as animals and fuck each other in my house?”
Cynthia squinted at me, as if I was the one being insane in a tiger costume. “You posted an ad in the Services Offered section with the words ‘Bear,’ ‘Bedtime,’ ‘Love-A-Lot’ and ‘Come on down?’ Dude. You knew what you were asking for.”
“You’re saying I posted a coded message advertising my fervent desire for people to get their sex smell all over my house, WHILE DRESSED AS ANIMALS!?”
“Yes.”
“Oh. Well, that makes perfect sense then. All right. Have fun.”
Cynthia and Mike the fat tiger looked at me blankly.
“GET THE FUCK OUT!” I shrieked at them. “DON’T ANIMALS UNDERSTAND SARCASM?”
With surprising speed the fat tiger suddenly lunged at me. I recoiled in horror, stumbling to the ground as I backed away. The man-beast fell on me, using his extra 50 pounds to easily pin me down. “Growl,” he whispered in my ears.
It was right around here when I think my penis retracted itself entirely within my body cavity. If it helps, please visualize the remainder of the story as if told by a hermaphrodite.
Full body panic spasm. I was suddenly in the middle of a very special episode of the 80s sitcom that is my life. But I knew there was no Mr. Drummond coming to make everything better. I struggled to fight the man-tiger off, but given my reluctance to touch any part of him, I found the process somewhat difficult. I was forced to devise a new martial art on the spot, using nothing but the principles of elbows and cringing. Big playful, furry slaps and terrifying noises greeted my ineffectual blows.
Elsewhere in the apartment I could hear Cynthia letting more people in. Very quickly the house began filling up with people clad in costumes. Cats, dogs, gerbils, hamsters, wolves. Winnie the fucking Pooh. They were mostly just talking and chatting first. Someone found the stereo and put on some music. Did you know that furries have their own music? I do.
Not long after that, Mike the fat tiger got off me, but by that point I had completely lost control of the situation. Apparently word must have gotten out on some sort of Furry phone tree, because people started showing up by the car load. In very short order the chatting and music was drowned out by an entirely different, and much worse type of sound. It was the aural equivalent of tasting someone else’s barf.
I was going to actually go out and find real pictures of furry humping for this article. But then after thinking about it for a bit, I didn’t.
Naturally I called 911. They did say they’d send animal control over right away, but it wasn’t until five minutes later that I realized they were fucking with me. My experience with Mike the fat tiger demonstrated that I wouldn’t get far trying to physically throw these people out. I found a flashlight, and using the old shine a light on the ground and see who chases it trick, managed to lure a couple guys dressed as cats outside. But that was the extent of my success. This was happening. Watching it happen was out of the question. Reluctantly then, I retired to the porch, where I spent the next six hours crying and collecting admission.
EPILOGUE:
All told, the furries were actually OK people. The house wasn’t that badly messed up at all, although I cleaned it thoroughly regardless, and in truth, will probably never stop cleaning. The Care Bears were gone. I was OK with that. I don’t think I really wanted them back anyways. Some good news though: I cleared $2200 at the door.
Though that’s also probably bad news, the more that I think about it.
__
This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009 at 4:00 am and is filed under Craigslist, Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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November 19th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Probably one of the best stories i have heard in my lifetime. you achieved your goal either way, give it take a couple thousand dry humps!!!! WINNIE THE FUCKING POOH!
November 4th, 2009 at 3:10 pm
Yeaaaaahhh… Um… sorry that happened to you. I would have been as shocked and confused as you and I’m a furry (don’t dress up though. I personally think that’s pointless). I’m glad you were able to make some money off of them, though, due to the horror you suffered.
Main reason for my comment, though, is just to say that we all aren’t as bad as that group.
October 31st, 2009 at 12:59 am
Ah. cracked.com. You make 12 hours stuck sitting here doing nothing at work fly by. BTW someone let me out of this bureaucratic hell called the military.
Great story. tenant is furry. It is absolutly as wierd as you all think it is. He is not allowed to do any of that crazy crap in my home for exactly that reason. This all makes this article hilarious on so many levels to me.
October 30th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Holy shit, this is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time. It sounds incredibly outlandish, and hard to believe it actually happened. But, it doesn’t matter if it did or didn’t, it was still a very enjoyable read. I might read this stuff more often! (first time on this site)
October 29th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
LOL….. that was hilarious
October 29th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
years ago, i had a teacher with the last name bucholz. he was badass. im going to pretend you’re related even though it’s probably not true.
best article ever.
October 29th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
Mike D hit it right on the nose, the responses from this article easily sum up most of the moronic ass clowns who can’t enjoy a good story.
Found it hilarious on many different levels, $2200 is a lot of cash; enough to get the carpets and furniture cleaned.
October 28th, 2009 at 7:27 pm
“If this is meant to be fiction, it sucks because it reeks of having been contrived.”
Translation:
“If you made this story up, it sucks because it sounds made up.”
Retard.
What makes for good fiction is the gradual exaggeration.
October 27th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
I’ve made some startling revelations reading comments on this story.
1. Cracked is full of posters who refuse to read the comments before posting.
2. Apparently 1/2 of cracked readers are furries.
3. As brilliant as this article is, (and I’m late reading it for some reason) reading whacked out and fired up christian responses to it is even more funny… Though much more sad as well.
October 23rd, 2009 at 2:05 pm
[...] I think his other article was funny. How To Accidentally Throw A Furry Orgy Using Craigslist | Cracked.com __________________ Who Needs A Gel Seat When Yer Wearing Depends. Tonkin Gulf Yacht Club 1968 [...]
October 22nd, 2009 at 3:16 pm
…you’re a dick.
October 20th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
I have an idea for a prank. Post a furry orgy party with an enemies address, or a friend who can really take a joke.
October 20th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
This made my day. After a hard day working with $#$# flying everywhere, having this 5 min read gave me a smile on my face.
Thanks alot mate!
October 20th, 2009 at 9:22 am
Haha Christwire.org took the article 100% seriously. This is from thier article about THIS article:
“Never have I heard of a furry orgies and if I were God of Universe for the day my first act would be to torture these heathens!”
http://christwire.org/2009/09/cracked-com-teaches-children-how-to-throw-gay-furry-orgies/
October 19th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
You better not delete this because I really wanna save this in Microsoft Word.
October 17th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
awesomely funny , mildly disturbing, and yet strangely arousing….hmmm
October 17th, 2009 at 10:06 am
Hilarious… though if you think about it.. you could EASILY use this to your advantage.. take the 2200, rent a warehouse or some kind of small facility/room. Clear 10,000 a week… And you get to keep the carebears!
October 17th, 2009 at 6:47 am
This entire story just gave me a flashback to that CSI episode with the furpile & techno music.
October 16th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
This probably didn’t happen. Speaking as a furry, however, knowing my peers it definitely* could* have happened.
October 16th, 2009 at 10:58 am
Why does it matter whether this actually happened? Is it less funny if it were fictional? (Or, for some Clorox-using readers like myself, is it less funny and more yucky if it were real)?
To put it more simply, is the “tweed coat” comment less funny if it turned out this was all real but he only took in $700 and made up the $2200?
(The main objection appears to be that Furries would never pay $20 to get in because they likely don’t have that kind of cash. Thus, I conclude one should just leave out the Furry aspect - the amount of post-party cleanup is presumably the same - and everyone pays. There is the added advantage of not having to provide changing room spaces for 110 people.)
October 15th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
choke the tiger, go for the gun, then mount the rest on the wall.
October 15th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
I have a familiarity with furre culture that I would be loath to admit, in reality. Since I can’t see the disgust in all of your eyes, however, it’s much easier.
This sounds really pretty plausible to me.
Hil-f***ing-arious.
October 14th, 2009 at 8:59 pm
Sounds so fake, but it would be a hilarious scene in a movie. As the story progressed it sounded more and more absurd.. but yeah, I love your post quality.
October 14th, 2009 at 10:40 am
Brilliant article - and no, i didn’t realize Furries had their own music, but i’m slightly wrried that you did…
October 11th, 2009 at 12:05 am
Seriously! holy shit, this is brilliant. I should lease an apartment and rent it out to furrys! I could score major bank!
October 10th, 2009 at 8:08 pm
[...] http://www.cracked.com/blog/how-to-throw-an-insane-orgy-using-craigslist/ [...]
October 8th, 2009 at 9:51 am
Holy shit! What cracks me up more than the story is the responses; who cares if it was real or not? And some of you wingnuts are so serious! Hey man, furry orgy at my house, half price, just $10. Who’s in?
October 8th, 2009 at 8:15 am
@Madeira:
Perhaps, but it’s likely the opposite way. In Isreal, every single rabbi you meet on the streets will tell you to keep the “bloodline pure of Arab filth” or something like that.
Kinda like white supremacists, really, but you can’t really blame them. It’s like the Torah Belt down there.
October 7th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
[...] LOL Epic win. This article by the same guy is even better: How To Accidentally Throw A Furry Orgy Using Craigslist | Cracked.com [...]
October 7th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
In my experience furries are usually sweet, I theorize this is because everyone hates them, it seems like being loathed as a group tends to make people better people… like the Jews being tolerant.
October 7th, 2009 at 10:48 am
I have a few friends who are Furries. Great people to hang out with, and I don’t know a single one who can’t draw worth a damn. they can also lead you to some interesting (and nightmarish) subjects, go imagination!
October 7th, 2009 at 7:00 am
that is halarious. think of it this way….you made $2200 and a great cleaning service is only about $200, you still come out on top lol
October 7th, 2009 at 3:33 am
Thanks for brightening up my very boring German class!
October 7th, 2009 at 12:37 am
This can’t be real, is it? I would beat them with something hairy like, I dunno, a carpet with cat hair on it. But then again, at least one of my cats would be pissed if they showed up. Someone, convince me this isn’t a real story.
2.2-hundred bills? Maybe I need to move there and do a Craig’s List ad. I’m confused. Oh yeah, where do you live? I’ll run the door.
October 6th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
coming from a furfag, this was awesome hahaha
October 6th, 2009 at 3:23 pm
This is so funny. its really sad that the furries are mostly over weight and wear too much costume… how hard is it to find a good looking skimpy costume wearing furry orgy?… very
Anyways congratulations i had to hide the computer from my room mates while laughing uproariusly at your accurate depiction.
Good job handling the situation like a man! “I retired to the porch, where I spent the next six hours crying and collecting admission.” now hopefully your girlfriend wont read this
October 6th, 2009 at 2:38 pm
As my boss said, “At least what you’re reading is funny, if not a complete waste of my time.”
Awesome.
October 6th, 2009 at 9:28 am
Oh - and vs0ne, that’s what you get for surfing the ‘net when you’re supposed to be paying attention in class!
But your comment did make me chuckle. =)
October 6th, 2009 at 9:25 am
I would have just turned the garden hose on them, like I do the dogs who think my front yard is the Kozy Korner motel…
Very funny story, Chris. I LOL’d for real.
October 5th, 2009 at 5:35 pm
I started laughing quietly in the middle of a very quiet World Religions class while we were discussing honour killings and female genitalia mutilation. Congratulations.
October 5th, 2009 at 12:37 am
Hilarious.
October 2nd, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Has occurred due, underestimate the power?Collect the disputed, of credit Forex-Affiliate.Of your competition?s, acupoints as acupuncture.For the customer craigslist, The patient seldom on being worshipped.One to whom, a superficial and.,
October 1st, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Hilarious!
You, sir, have a very keen writer skill.
“DON’T ANIMALS UNDERSTAND SARCASM” is a gold one.
*clap-claps*
October 1st, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Oh for crying out loud! Furries aren’t that bad…
Though if somebody in an animal costume showed up at my house humping another guy clad in an animal costume, I would lock my doors and windows ASAP.
September 30th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Wow a lot of furries read this…I guess one more wont hurt! \(>.<)/
September 30th, 2009 at 6:11 am
I read this right before I went to sleep and actually dreamed about it… but instead of furries, it was hippies O_O
Needless to say the zombie invasion loved the Woodstock amount of hippies buffet that came to my neighborhood. I was safe with my friends locked in the master bedroom (which wouldn’t actually work in a hippy/zombie invasion, but worked in my dream)
… I wish that it was furries instead… o.O
September 30th, 2009 at 12:35 am
Hahahahahaha!!!!!! Fucking awesome! Might have been a fake story but the sad fact is, about the only way to get money out of furries is to offer an orgy in return XD
Not-so-proudly a furry myself, and I laughed my fucking ass off! Too bad some of the others took it too seriously. Must not be too proud of the stained sph’d suits they have hanging in their closets….
September 29th, 2009 at 9:51 pm
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.
So… yeah. Kinda funny how people in the comments will actually believe this. I’m a fox furry and I found this hilarious. Thanks for laugh.
Comments for stupid people that believe every single word on a comedy site:
Survey says only 15% of furries own a fursuit (animal costume)
A percent of that percent will own complete fursuits (instead of just a tail and/or ears…)
A small percent of that percent of that percent actually have sex in them.
So in the end this represent a percent of a percent of a percent. I would guess 2% or less than the total.
Also no money could ever be made from hosing furry orgies (unless you provided and cleaned suits for cheap… that might work). The money is making either art or suits, but mainly art. Many furries would pay anywhere from $50 to $200 for a good artist.
September 29th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
awww.
<3
but you ARE impacting the world. with laughter
September 29th, 2009 at 5:53 pm
fake
September 29th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Never happened.
Furries wouldn’t pay $20 for anything. lols
September 29th, 2009 at 7:35 am
I clicked on the furry themed music link, sat and listened to the Furry Forest Theme and Cuddle and The Wolf in You for an hour, then sent a discreet message to Cheetah, Great Fox, and Jumpy to come over to my house tonight. This article made me so HOTT! (And the Christwire piece just made me want to put on my devil shoes and my dancing dress and call all my cult friends and chant in the woods.) Awesomeness!
September 28th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
@cwoozy
Oh Lawd…I hope you’re right about the satire thing…I’ve seen a lot of turd sandwiches on the internet, but that…I pray that’s not real…
But seriously…as a lifelong resident of the South (and current resident of one of the most backward counties in North Carolina), I’m pretty sure that brand of religious nutsacks has no knowledge of or interest in computers…I’ve seen some that don’t know what to do with a touch-tone telephone…
September 28th, 2009 at 7:21 pm
Dario10, you know that site is satire, right?
..tell me that’s satire.
September 28th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
whats with the tall ppeople dating stuff?
http://worldisretarded.blogspot.com/
September 28th, 2009 at 6:34 am
Hah, that slaps me in the leg.
September 28th, 2009 at 4:21 am
Wanna to meet tall singles, tall beautiful women and tall handsome men?????
Here is a very nice place ~~~~~~~~~ Tall flirts . c o m ~~~~~~~~~~~
It’s where Tall people look for someone to enjoy their lifestyle with.
September 27th, 2009 at 11:42 pm
Even being a furry myself I laughed my ass off. Real or not it was a hilarious article…and that whole christwire thing just tops it off.
September 27th, 2009 at 4:19 pm
Your writing makes me want to make love to your face.
September 27th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Pictures or it didn’t happen.
September 27th, 2009 at 4:40 am
Животные тоже любят устраивать оргии…
Жирафа запалили на… совещании с представителем совета директоров дочернего холдинга. Теперь главное фотку не показывать жирафихе, а то…
September 27th, 2009 at 4:14 am
I generally agree with what the rest of the furries reading have said: funny, unrealistic, but funny. But the funniest part is the site I came here from:
http://christwire.org/2009/09/cracked-com-teaches-children-how-to-throw-gay-furry-orgies/
September 27th, 2009 at 4:13 am
God Dammit, Bucholz.
This article is featured on christwire.org under the headline, (and I’m not making this up!!) “Cracked.com Teaches Children How to Throw Gay “Furry” Orgies”.
Including statements like “The smell of rotten sin is strong on this one. I can only assume their “columnists” lay back in their dank offices and smoke dangerous, addictive drugs like Magic Mint as they come up with insane headlines like Marigina legalization” and How To Win A Fight Against 20 Children.”
And “There is no one that hates children more than gays, as for as you know for every one gay four children get improperly diddled, and after a few more headlines you’ll come to realize that “Cracked” is simply a front for the gay agenda!”
Seems like you’ve got your next topic sorted out.
September 27th, 2009 at 2:14 am
I can guarantee you this did not happen. Being a furry myself, this sort of thing is completely unheard of. This shit just doesn’t take place. I love seeing this kind of shit spread around the web, making us look like total freaks when we have jobs, lives, loved ones, everything “mundanes” do, when some of YOU are doing things I wouldn’t even think about.
Take a few minutes and learn about furries. Not what you HEAR from people like this one starving for attention.
September 26th, 2009 at 11:17 pm
I’m amazed at how many furries are reading cracked, just check out the comments - rofl !
September 26th, 2009 at 6:19 pm
i’m so sorry this happened to you, but, that has to be the funniest thing i have read in a long time.
September 26th, 2009 at 5:01 pm
And where are the photos?
September 26th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
HOLY SHIT. YOU GOT QUOTED IN THE GUARDIAN. FOR YOUR DAN BROWN REVIEW. AS IN THE UK GUARDIAN. A PROPER NEWSPAPER WITH READERS AND SHIT. O_O (the thing about tension in every scene or whatever - it was a serious quote…)
September 26th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
I wonder how many people are on ebay right now buying carebears just to see if they can make this happen !!
September 26th, 2009 at 12:19 pm
Dude, I didn’t even finish reading I was so enamored by the pictures of giraffes mounting donkeys…
It was brilliant done, even if fake. I’m a furry and there is like 90 different furry cons around the country without a cover charge (other than hotel rooms etc) that offer all the amenities. Most furries aren’t about the fursuit sex too. ewww.
i’ll spare y’all the sociological reasons and crap and just say: meow.
September 25th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
very very funny, and well written. congrats.
September 25th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Oh man thats hysterically funny. I won’t want to imagine the right middle moments, and grateful that you haven’t described them.
But it was funny as hell, maybe you should move out.
September 25th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
This has be thee funniest thing I’ve read in my lifetime! I have actually heard about groups like this but was a bit like huh?
Too FUNNY!
September 25th, 2009 at 12:10 pm
it’s all fake
September 25th, 2009 at 10:48 am
That was pretty fucking funny. And hey, $2200! Rent is PAID. And you have enough left over to buy your girlfriend something nice. Or maybe buy more Clorox wipes.
September 25th, 2009 at 8:37 am
Anyone who comes to a website like Cracked and expects everything said here to be true is made of fail from the get go. This is a comedy website, folks, not a truthiness website! Chillax, have a laugh, then get on with your day.
For my part I thought it was an okay article. Anything involving furries is repugnant to me by default, but it was still a decent effort. You’re the Canadian one, right Chris? Solidarity, brah.
September 25th, 2009 at 8:00 am
i dont even no what to say, thats jut terrible…not cool
September 25th, 2009 at 7:08 am
That was GRRRRRREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAATTTTTTTT!
September 25th, 2009 at 7:07 am
That w
September 25th, 2009 at 7:04 am
Anyone else want to take Tyler’s hand and give him the shop tour?
September 25th, 2009 at 5:45 am
LOL! I about died laughing reading that. And I am a furry… just not into orgys. I rather like the culture
Still, that was plenty amusing 
September 25th, 2009 at 5:37 am
LOL thats great. But 100 furries inyour house. Where do you live in the middle of no where.
September 24th, 2009 at 10:38 pm
Heres what I would have done. Get on my hunting outfit grab an old nerf or paintball gun. Grab the bugel and yell “Open SEASON!” Then just open fire . My friend did this and busted a furry orogy which the pictures still come up in theropy sessons of fat men in elephant suits and EGAD! The lady that needed that deer mask cus she was nightmare ugly!
September 24th, 2009 at 9:38 pm
You Didn’t like my tiger costume?
September 24th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
Hilarious and I am resisting the urge to Google furry sex!
September 24th, 2009 at 7:46 pm
I only wish this were true.
September 24th, 2009 at 7:42 pm
An entertaining piece of writing, but like Tucker Max it falls apart when you realize it’s mostly exaggerated/fake. Your girlfriend wouldn’t really leave you just because you bought some stupid care bears, would she? Not to mention even people as weird as furries aren’t going to stay in your apartment if you tell them to leave.
If this is meant to be fiction, it sucks because it reeks of having been contrived. If it’s meant to be a true story, bullshit, there’s no way this is true.
September 24th, 2009 at 6:02 pm
dominonomnom sure knows a lot about furries…
September 24th, 2009 at 5:20 pm
so just how loud are a 110 furries going at it?
September 24th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Funny. Thanks
September 24th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Always Remember, the outfits these disturbing people wear are quite flammable;)
September 24th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
win
September 24th, 2009 at 11:25 am
Who cares if it’s fake. It’s awesome.
September 24th, 2009 at 7:24 am
That story was classic, I wish I could have read something like that for my school class just to get a random looks at me. “WTF?” And my teacher just taking me off.. “Well then thats enough of that” HAHA
I lol’d SO HARD. I really don’t care if it was fake or not.. Seems like people find a way to bash something either-way.
September 24th, 2009 at 6:39 am
Not a true story.
September 24th, 2009 at 5:15 am
This story is filled with plot holes and fail.
First, to make $2200, you would need 110 people.
That wouldnt be a problem if there werent but only, on average, that there are usually only that many per state. At that, only 1/5th of them would look on craigs list and that is being generous. Lets also look at the fact that people do not usually carry around more than 20 dollars these days in pocket, everyone uses cards of some sort.. Another problem, when there are that many furrys in a state, they have partys and meets for free. Most important fact here is that furrys dont have money… So that makes this all llogical.
nothing better than a good bullshit story though. kudo’s :3
September 24th, 2009 at 3:27 am
You scored 2 grand from accidentally throwing a furry party? Sounds like some god money. i wouldn’t mind abandoning my house for a day to let furries run rampant for 2 grand.
September 24th, 2009 at 12:46 am
Furry TiTS or GTFO
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:57 pm
Hermaphrodite? I think you mean Eunuch.
I just know things, okay?
Don’t judge me!!
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:45 pm
Yuki, just, point of fact, 2200 may be an unexpected windfall, but it is by no means retirement-worthy wealth.
September 23rd, 2009 at 8:47 pm
I can’t believe there are people not only asking if it’s real but saying that it’s fake and stupid… I mean… just get over it… it is called joke!
If he actually had earned that much money would he still be writing stupid blog for entretain asholes like you?
Anyway, it was an awesome story and really funny! Loved it!
September 23rd, 2009 at 8:30 pm
“It was right around here when I think my penis retracted itself entirely within my body cavity. If it helps, please visualize the remainder of the story as if told by a hermaphrodite.”
Like the sick, horrible person I am, I sniggered uncontrollably at that sentence.
September 23rd, 2009 at 7:10 pm
….ROTGLMFAO!!!!!!
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:46 pm
Firstly, I would like to say that this article was hilarious. I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe. I am also a furry, and I think that made it even funnier. Great job, and keep up the good work, whether it’s real or not.
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:12 pm
Erm, you “must confirm” that the story is fake? Did you look on craigslist for the listing? Jesus.
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:29 pm
Speaking on behalf of furs, while its a very funny story, with some parts speaking sad truths - I must confirm, however that the story is fake. Believe me or don’t, the story is still funny either way
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
“Like most Internet users, my life is a mockery of the human condition. Every day, I seem to accomplish less and less…I often feel as if there is a cavernous void inside of me, and where others might keep “love” or a “sense of accomplishment from past feats” in such a place, I instead try to fill it with an endless stream of popular culture miscellanea.”
It concerns me how much this describes my life.
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Wow $2200? I’d sacrifice my living room each friday for $2200!
September 23rd, 2009 at 3:56 pm
Hilarious! Whats not quite so funny are all these tholymidal (or whatever the fuck it is) babies that think this actually happened.
I really hate these furry idiots, wheres Bob Barker when you need him?
September 23rd, 2009 at 3:04 pm
I’m not usually this mean but, are all these people on the comments board new? This is a comedy website, they tell these stories that people find funny, we laugh, sometimes we don’t, but we know that it is all for the sake of comedy. I’m almost positive every “no way this is real” comment was left by some pervert who was on Bing searching for “furry stories”, I’m equally as positive each of these perverts then went to craigslist to attempt the very same thing… that being said, I’m sorry for the rant, and Bucholz, this was a hilarious article, keep em coming.
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:26 pm
yeah, “accidentally”
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
So 110 people showed up to this nice…… next time you have one…..
September 23rd, 2009 at 2:18 pm
And I thought my day was bad, hahah!
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:30 pm
Hahahaha. Nice.
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:23 am
‘…“Can only use a digital watch.”’ Hahaha. Loved the rest too.
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:11 am
I actually have a pretty big house…I might see if this could really work. Theres a kennel and a doggy door, I might charge 25$.
September 23rd, 2009 at 11:10 am
Heeee-fucking-sterical. OMG. That was a most excellent story. 2 paws up.
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:18 am
I’m so sorry that had to happen to you.
But I’m so happy it did because now I know nothing can make my day that bad.
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:09 am
THANK YOU!!! besch
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:08 am
For the love of F’ing Christ people, the story is meant to be hilarious (which it is), not true. Damn, I bet some of you believed he actually had a conversation with Mario too.
September 23rd, 2009 at 10:06 am
Holy shit, are people asking if this is fake?
It’s not “fake.”
It’s called a joke, you dumb fucks.
September 23rd, 2009 at 8:56 am
Why not post pics of this guy nailing Aniston lately? http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1292175/ LUCKY Aniston!!! Her movies suck, and she’s learning too! HAWT!
September 23rd, 2009 at 7:50 am
i LOL’d so hard. Man, you should get a gun or sort. You don’t need to kill with it, but good to fear others.
Still I’m left awe. Such simple ad could have made this? Wow, these furries realy have some fast and effecient way to spread such words.
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:50 am
awesome article
September 23rd, 2009 at 6:01 am
[...] How To Accidentally Throw A Furry Orgy Using Craigslist | Cracked.com Furry stories tend to make me cry. I cried as this one because I was laughing so damn hard. [...]
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:17 am
This is one of the greatest stories I’ve ever read on the internet. This is amazing!
September 23rd, 2009 at 5:04 am
You’re lying. You have to be lying. Nothing like that could actually have happened. I refuse to believe it.
September 23rd, 2009 at 4:13 am
Cant… stop.. laughing… tears…
September 23rd, 2009 at 1:33 am
Screenshot or it didn’t happen.
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:59 am
hold on i got one-
The Baseball Furries.
…warriors? anyone? no?
September 23rd, 2009 at 12:58 am
that was truly amazing! i haven’t read something that funny in a while
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:30 pm
nice Bucholz! hilarious article, thought it’s equally as humorous that “linda” spammed a matchmaker link on this page: “You deserve a matchmaker to find love… Whether you are looking for single men, single women, single frustrated man-bears, or a pair of identical twins as siamese cat-people, MillionaireCupid is here for you!
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 pm
As a furry, I could find this column offensive. Instead, I was laughing out loud. You may be onto something - a furry club! $2200 is nothing to scoff at.
..now I want to see some tweed clad rapists. Thanks so very much!
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:47 pm
Hahaha omg that was brilliant! Laughed so hard.
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:18 pm
You deserve a matchmaker to find love. At ___http://www.MillionaireCupid.org__ your dedicated matchmaking online dating site for great dating services — we believe that if you put yourself out there,
you’ll meet singles you’re looking for — single men, single women, local singles, even a love match.
By taking a personal approach to personal ads, you can find a date and find singles for Christian dating, Jewish dating, Asian dating, black dating, gay dating, or senior dating. With our matchmaking capabilities, you can find that unique person who gets what you’re all about, quirks and all.
That person who says what you were about to say, who isn’t mortified when you make a social blunder, whose scent you’d liketo bottle, and whose smile you’d like to wake up to every day. That’s why we give you an audience filled with local singles, the tools to find and meet single women and single men,
and lots of features that help you find your love match. With Personals as your matchmaker, you can find the kind of first date that lead to second dates and beyond.
You still might meet the love of your life at a coffeehouse or gas station. But with __http://www.MillionaireCupid.org__, instead of sitting around waiting for that to happen, you’ll be getting dates from online dating and having a fabulous time.
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:42 pm
Puppy girl is fake and retarded. .. ASL?
.. Awesome read.. Fake or not.. I lol’d.
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:17 pm
This is fake and retarded.
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:10 pm
$2200 you say…….Hmmmm, a month and a half’s worth of pay, vs. having furries in my house….. I dunno, I don’t think it’s worth it.
And with a tiny portion of that money, you couldn’t get Caster Semenya to narrate for that authentic hermaphrodite touch?
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:49 pm
[...] How To Accidentally Throw A Furry Orgy Using Craigslist | Cracked.com. Filed under: Uncategorized Leave a comment Comments (0) Trackbacks (0) ( subscribe to comments on this post ) [...]
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:25 pm
$2200? meaning that there were 110 of them that showed up?
Or even factoring in that someone may have given him $400 for the 2 bears…that would still mean 90 furries in one place….I’m sure a lot of the proceeds went to lint rollers for the morning after.
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:18 pm
A giraffe fucking a donkey…
I really wanna see what the kids look like.
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Freaking hilarious dude, I nearly busted my gut when I saw the Giraffe on Donkey photo.
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:08 pm
Absolutely hilarious, I really enjoyed the -
“GET THE FUCK OUT!” I shrieked at them. “DON’T ANIMALS UNDERSTAND SARCASM?”
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:31 pm
Minor problem with the accuracy of this story — Furries don’t have gas money let alone money for “admission” to a house party.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:58 pm
that was absolutely hilarious.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:45 pm
It still amazes me what fucking losers creep out from Craigs list for even the most inocuous ads.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:48 pm
You didn’t know the difference between “For sale” and “services offered”?
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:45 pm
….. well, at least he got 2200 out of it…..
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:43 pm
I laughed!
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:37 pm
“I was going to actually go out and find real pictures of furry humping for this article. But then after thinking about it for a bit, I didn’t.”
Awesome.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:33 pm
[...] speaking of cracked, click on over to cracked.com and read How To Accidentally Throw a Furry Orgy Using Craigslist, the funniest thing I’ve read all [...]
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:23 pm
haha awesome
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Fucking hilarious! Awesome work as always, Bucholz!
Jesus, it doesn’t even ~matter~ if it’s true or not. I shall live the rest of my days as if it is.
Thanks for a decided lift to my day!
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:08 pm
…
._____.
Whoa, dude, WTF.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Haha Awesome story, I laughed so hard. I also like your writing style and the dry sarcasm, keep it up.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:02 pm
Great article as always, Bucholz. Had me rolling out of my chair at work - and mind you that is extremely difficult to do and still keep a low profile.
One thing I caught though which I’m sure you can fix in a jiffy was an innocent typo.
“Hi,” he said. “I’m hear about the uh, bears?”
(this comes in when Mike is greeted at the front door)
“Hear” should be “here.”
Other than that, Nice work! You, sir, are a satirical genius and I would nominate you for the Pulitzer Prize.
- AP
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:44 pm
I don’t believe any of this for a second.
“I’m hear about the bears.”
On top of being unemployed you also don’t read or have a degree, right?
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:42 pm
i just found a new prank to pull on my friends lol
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:26 pm
But in all seriousness this is a situation which reminds you why keeping a gun at your house is important.
September 22nd, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Man, I feel awful for you, but I have to say you missed the fucking golden opportunity to lock the furries in your house and then burn it down.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:37 pm
Holy shit. This is why I’m gonna keep a loaded gun in my house.
Right by the fucking front door.
Heh heh, I’m kidding. Probably. Anyways, great work, Bucholz. You might wanna get a stun-gun, or a taser capable of zapping someone in a furry suit.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:22 pm
Well, conferring that everyone paid admission,
(2200 usd / 20 usd (per person in admission) = 110 furries in your house. )
that’s a lot of people!
but hey, you made some nice cash on the road, eyh?
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:19 pm
What lol probably means is that we relate to said shows? I don’t know, but i’ve never been one to watch much TV, so that was no influence for me either way. It’s all a matter of being interested in it or not, well from my viewpoint anyway.
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:15 pm
lol: “You get a whole generation growing up with all these shows about anthropomorphic talking animals, and then you get furries.”
…I don’t see the connection
September 22nd, 2009 at 2:07 pm
I love it when Cracked churns out winners like this one.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Why didn’t you invite me, eh?
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:53 pm
[...] How to Accidentally Throw a Furry Orgy Using Craigslist. (Cracked.com) [...]
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:48 pm
“tweed clad rapists”
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:46 pm
Also, I won’t deny that sex is bound to happen SOMEWHERE within a group of furries, but most “furmeets” I go to actually have very little sex… Just a lot of gay people snuggling, which isn’t awful.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Are you serious! omg! thats is like the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone! A furry Orgy party! wow, just wow, I mean it probably would have been ok if it wasn’t an orgy party.
great article man, I can’t say I envy you but thank you for sharing your trauma
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:21 pm
Try to think of all the shows about anthropomorphic talking animals we grew up with. The furries were inevitable!
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:20 pm
I was planning on posting a bunch of Star Wars, X-Men and Vampire: The Masquerade stuff on Craig’s List, tonight. Now I’m scared of what kinda people might show up and what may happen. (Though a Slave Girl Leia, Storm and Blood Rayne orgy would be pretty cool to watch.)
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:17 pm
This would make a great short film.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:16 pm
Hilarious article.
And now I have a good way to make some quick cash and piss off my roommate at the same time!
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:13 pm
You get a whole generation growing up with all these shows about anthropomorphic talking animals, and then you get furries.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:07 pm
”holy cats” LMFAO
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Ow. Restraining laughter. Geeeeeeeeeeez.
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Jesus dude im now officialy addicted to this fucking website. I LOVES IT!
September 22nd, 2009 at 1:00 pm
Like Ella and Raye, I loved the 911 thing. xD
I’m a furry m’self, but I really dislike the fursuit thing, but eh, each to their own.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Possibly the funniest article I’ve ever read online.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:46 pm
God, if this is real, I’m so fucking sorry. I honestly don’t know of or heard of furries suiting as Winnie the Pooh. Furries, like myself, aren’t really the worst people, just… I dunno, pretty fucking embarrassing. Not all of them are crazy, but… there are the select handfulls.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:44 pm
I completely lost my shit at “Growl”.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:44 pm
i always wondered how Giraffes did it…
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:44 pm
Auw
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:30 pm
oh. my god.
i felt traumatized just reading the article.
though i gotta say, i may have stayed inside to watch. =o $2,200? CHRIST! epic win/fail right there.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:26 pm
Excellent post, sir. Representative of the exceptional comedy I have come to expect from you.
Favorite quote: “When dealing with a prospective raper in your home, in all circumstances make him known where the door is. If it is the Autumn months it is expected you provide a tweed coat for him.”
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:24 pm
You know, your self-deprecation isn’t really convincing. When you mentioned that you have a girlfriend, I immediatly felt admiration and envy towards you.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:11 pm
I have no words for how this article made me feel. This article made me laugh harder than anything has before it. You are a comedy genius, remind me to thank your parents for having you.
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:00 pm
@Icalasari
OH NOOOO!! THEY’RE INVADING!!!
September 22nd, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Nice. Congrats on your haul and enjoy your fresh trauma.
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:56 am
So, because I like to investigate the darkest corners of the the internet and because I like to immerse myself in a story with the proper background music I went to that furry music site and clicked on a song called, ‘Cuddle’.
And I gotta say, it was like basically any other indie song, “I love you, blah, blah, blah, don’t leave me) but then I got to the lyrics:
In my bear’s arms
I’m in Heaven
You’re my bear
Then just the thought of a dude, cuddling with this giant ass bear with big BLACK STARING EYES just ….(shudder).
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:48 am
“That was an amazing story, dang these furries are sick bastards, good thing everything went sort of well but after that i rather soak everything with clorox just in case”
Hey! I find that offensive!
We make a mess that requires at LEAST a cleansing via fire!
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:44 am
… this afterward with a pack of smokes: http://neilsnotes.com/index.php?page=13&catid=9&sku=ENGL-CD00379 HAWT!
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:42 am
So funny, I laughed out loud! Great job!
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:40 am
I have to admit that while I often read Cracked and am endlessly amused by the antics of its fine writers, this is one of the first times I’ve actually begun laughing uncontrollably in my office due to a Cracked article. Bravo, sir, bravo.
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:26 am
That was an amazing story, dang these furries are sick bastards, good thing everything went sort of well but after that i rather soak everything with clorox just in case
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:23 am
Excellent. You rock. Plus, added bonus - 2 real columns in the same day. You guys are why I keep coming back. At least 5 times a day… Because I’m obsessed…. You guys are funny.
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:23 am
LOL, this one was good from beginning to end. I liked that one a lot. Like Ella below me, I think that was my favorite quote. Very creative. And, yes, thank you for the pictures of the amorous giraffes rather than fat, hairy people in animal costumes. Our ability to sleep tonight makes us very grateful.
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:20 am
This is the funniest thing I’ve read on Cracked in months.
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:18 am
“Naturally I called 911. They did say they’d send animal control over right away, but it wasn’t until five minutes later that I realized they were fucking with me.”
XD
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 am
Great story, so weird it almost has to be true…! Funny as well, of course. Thank you, Chris!
September 22nd, 2009 at 11:11 am
Wow.
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 am
Great story. I’ll make sure NOT to Craigslist my British Teabag Collection anytime soon.
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:56 am
Carebears? >.> God, they make me embarrassed to be a furry. I mean, come on, fucking to fucking CAREBEARS!?
And heh. I bet that the Love-a-Lot bear is certainly getting more love than he bargained for :3
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 am
If this happened to me, I don’t know if I’d be slightly disturbed, or if I’d be taking full advantage of that AWESOME money and throwing more parties like that.
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:43 am
Awesome! Very funny.
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:41 am
Wait a minute here. If I did the math correctly, if each person paid $20 to get in the house for some fun time, and you made $2200…that means that around 100 furries were at your house? getting it on? OMG
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:39 am
This is why I love Cracked. Only you people have proper experience in this sort of thing.
But at least you got money for your rent!
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:38 am
Haha, I think Bucholz might be my favorite columnist at this point. Good stuff.
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:33 am
Very disturbing, but entertaining.
September 22nd, 2009 at 10:19 am
Dear God, this story is far too terrifying to be real.
But if it is real, $2200 isn’t anything to scoff at.
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:52 am
no disturbing spam?
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:44 am
I’d have used a laser pointer. But, at least they didn’t get into some cat nip before hand…. ewwww…
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:41 am
FUCKING hilarious man.
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:38 am
…uh Kahlua goes bad?!?
/quickly sets down big gulp cup
you have just blown my minds ass!!
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:37 am
You poor poor soul.
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:27 am
that was pretty funny
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:14 am
So what you’re saying is that there’s money to be made from hosting furry orgies huh?
September 22nd, 2009 at 9:12 am
“It was right around here when I think my penis retracted itself entirely within my body cavity. If it helps, please visualize the remainder of the story as if told by a hermaphrodite.
This had me laughing for like 5 mins
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:57 am
FUCK YOU CRAG LIST!!!!!!!
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:47 am
Intensive Care Bear?
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:11 am
HAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now THAT is funny. Dude $2200 in one NIGHT? Start a club, I think you’ve found your calling.
I wonder how much, if any, of this article is true. But I guess it doesn’t really matter.
Anyway, well written and a very nice read.
September 22nd, 2009 at 8:11 am
mother of god…
September 22nd, 2009 at 7:42 am
Next time try banging a couple pots and pans together. ALL animals hate loud noises. Actually, this is a great way to break up any unwanted party.
September 22nd, 2009 at 7:28 am
No matter how it really ends, in my own version in my head he keeps the Care Bears.
September 22nd, 2009 at 7:16 am
Awesome article. One of your best.
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:59 am
win
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:50 am
Mint or otherwise, the Care Bear pictured is clearly not one of the original issued bears and is grossly over-priced! I know because I have my original Bedtime Bear from 1987 sat next to my keyboard mournfully looking at me while I compare its features.
Wait… I think I may have misjudged the idea here….
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:49 am
Holy shit man 2200? Maybe you should continue this.
September 22nd, 2009 at 6:28 am
Halarious. Also, you could do the same thing with adult babies if you’re looking for a follow-up. May be grosser.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:55 am
/nostalgia…
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:52 am
Awesome
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:52 am
I had the same thing happen with beanie babies.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:51 am
Furries have clearly been overdemonized. Who knew they could be so profitable?
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:46 am
Wanna find a tall partner???
Here is a very nice place——– Tallfinder (com) ——–It’s where Tall singles looking for someone to enjoy their lifestyle with. You are just seconds away from taking that first step towards the life you have been longing for…
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:39 am
Not only was this hilarious but it drew me in like an episode of 24.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:16 am
Hilarious! I laughed like a crazy person all the way through. I loved the Emily Post rapist part the best.
September 22nd, 2009 at 5:11 am
If the light on ground didn’t work to your satisfaction, next time try a ball of yarn. If all else fails, lure them with Kibbles.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:57 am
That was brilliant, Bucholz!
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:53 am
Beautiful man. Your writing is allways top notch. Keep up the good work.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:45 am
Brilliant Story!
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:42 am
do they really yiff?
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:34 am
Stellar writing.
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:33 am
See you next week TIGER! I’ll bring the developed pictures. and our friends, ( plus $200)
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:30 am
Never ever ever put anything mentioning animals on Craigslist.
Good luck gettng rid of the smell, BTW…
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:19 am
hahahahahaha….epic
September 22nd, 2009 at 4:19 am
Ahahaha
Oh My God, that was classic.
You’ve made my day Bucholz, and I will now be very careful of my wording if I have to advertise something