I can’t say for sure whether or not this Riskay character is going to be remembered 5 years from now, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t valuable life lessons to be learned from her hit song, “Smell Yo Dick.”
It’s a universal story: You come home from the club at 5 a.m. after buying drinks for a stripper named Diamond all night, when your girl asks you to present your genitalia so she can smell it and ascertain whether or not you’ve been cheating on her. You try to tell her that you have “enough dick to go ’round” and that asking to smell yo’ dick is how a “bitch get her eye swole up” but she doesn’t listen. She then proceeds to pour bleach all over your clothes, throw your iPhone off a balcony, and perform a song about smelling your penis live in concert to a large club audience.
I’ll admit that it’s been a little different for me personally, but the idea is the same regardless. True, my “clubbing” has traditionally been a D&D night in the basement of my local community center, and sure, my “girlfriend” is the girl that I see at the bus stop if I get there early enough (about 45 minutes before I actually need to), but what’s the difference in the grand scheme of things? So what if the real-life version of my girlfriend asking to smell my dick is actually some girl at the bus stop asking me what time it is? So what if my real-life iPhone is prepaid? No matter which verison of the story you choose to go with, some basic facts remain the same: My name is Ross, I’ve met a girl before, and I own a mobile communications device.
Oh - and I have a Snickers jacket. How are you gonna fuck with that?
Last 5 posts by Ross Wolinsky
- The 5 Lamest Forwarded Emails (And Why Your Mom Loves Them) - November 19th, 2008
- The 5 Biggest News Stories You Missed During Election Season - November 6th, 2008
- "I Have Brain Cancer": 6 Amazing Non-Sex Scenes from Porn - October 21st, 2008
- 15 (Worthless) Things We Learned from the Town Hall Debate - October 8th, 2008
- Porn, Pizza and Awesome Roller Coasters: Vote Wolinsky In '08 - September 24th, 2008
April 27th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
（If You Are Easily Offended…..Then do not CLICK THERE!）
Recently, quite a few celebrities and pro athletes were said to appear on the ~~TAllhub.com~~ to hook up with hot girs and models. OMG!!! Are these famous guys fond of internet dating for now?? Maybe they feel boring sometimes to need new things?
April 26th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
JT, Tilly, The secret is… to bang the rocks together guys!
April 26th, 2008 at 10:51 am
As neither of the two above mentioned people, I have to take JT’s side on this, mainly because his name calling aroused my hunger. Tilly just sounds like a complete asshole. No wonder he keeps getting everyone to shit on him. I wonder if he interviews applicants for his scat loving website. That would make sense. So I recommend everyone stop shitting on him because it is just causing him to masturbate…A LOT. oh, yeah, my dick smells like rotten cheese dipped in carrot juice and smothered with turtle urine.
April 26th, 2008 at 8:13 am
Right. Ladies, you should really worry if his member smells like soap. What’s the old adage? If a man changes his habits, its usually because he’s cheating.
April 26th, 2008 at 2:31 am
if she smells pussy she shouldnt be as worried about the fact that hes cheating so much as the fact that shes fucking someones whos FUCKING STRIPPERS NAMED DIAMOND WITH NO CONDOM
April 26th, 2008 at 12:51 am
wow, thats what the comments were actually for… hm i love the smell of penis with pussy glaze in the morning…
i honestly believe kilts would get you out of the smelling fued. i mean, how the hell do u pick up wearing one of those?
i shall test it later at the strip joint.
April 25th, 2008 at 11:37 pm
Yeah right, Lynn, your writing style clearly reveals that you’re just JT’s penis in disguise.
April 25th, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Hahaha….
You are drowning in self pity, aren’t you?
April 25th, 2008 at 8:30 pm
I could have sworn a few times my boyfriend’s dick smelled like pussy juice, but how do you call a guy out on that? “Gee honey, you smell like fucked cunt juice….we haven’t fucked in weeks…are ya possibly cheating on me?” I know he would have lied about it. “No my balls were sweaty, you know I don’t wear underwear…I haven’t showered in 2 days…you’re crazy…” Sadly though, I just say nothing and continue to blow him because I love him, regardless of the fact he’s cheated on me, never calls on my birthday…never buys me christmas presents or takes me to a movie… I’m one of those pretty girls with low self esteem, dating a douchebag who’s cheated several times…and I stay completely loyal.
So this song makes me sad. Even a scary, intimidating “nappy headed ho” gets treated like shit by her man, just like the pretty white girl…
Love sucks!
April 25th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
My penis has an penchant for singing pickles.
By which I mean I’m on crystal meth.
April 25th, 2008 at 9:18 am
I concur
April 25th, 2008 at 7:21 am
My penis thinks that’s the most retarded thing it’s ever heard.
April 25th, 2008 at 5:33 am
Im posting this as a warning! LEAVE THIS SITE IMMEDIATLY! The radiation emitted from your screens as you read this comment is slowly mutating your penis and causing it to form a mouth and express a default personality mainly consisting of calling other men retards or pastries and confectionaries. CLOSE THIS BROWSER!
April 25th, 2008 at 4:21 am
I don’t know if anyone has said this yet because I couldn’t be bothered reading all your fucking comments but…
She can smell my dick anytime.
April 25th, 2008 at 3:10 am
THIS BITCH IS THE NEXT BEYONCE
fuck that…shes the next aretha franklin
the next elvis
shes fucking mozart
April 25th, 2008 at 3:07 am
hey dumbasses
she attempts to smell his dick to ascertain if it carries the scent of a female vagina, thereby coming upon substantial proff that her man has, in fact, been unfaithful to her
some of the first posters made some dumb ass comments os just wanted to make that clear
April 24th, 2008 at 11:56 pm
Swaim, that comment would actually have some degree of credibility had it come from your penis. Or any penis, for that matter.
April 24th, 2008 at 6:55 pm
Ross, I know you’ve got a lot of free time and Jack asked us to get the comment counts up, but come on…this thread is kind of a stretch in believability, don’t you think?
April 24th, 2008 at 4:50 pm
Sweet pea?
April 24th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
willy
April 24th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
I am just Haruhi, btw.
Because I get my humour (superior to everyone elses) all done in one name
April 24th, 2008 at 3:40 pm
peniscockKNIFEKNIFEKNIFEKNIFE
April 24th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
keep telling yourself that, sweet pea. At this point I’m just enjoying myself. Trolling for trolls sake, I believe is the term.
Oh, but you are still a douchebag…
April 24th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Im done arguing.. This has gone past my threshhold of poking the dummy with a stick… He’s just so cute when he foams at the mouth.
April 24th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Well, JT, since you’ve never seen me do either, I’d say that doesn’t mean much coming from you. Also, what I’d really like you and your alter-egos/butt buddies/whichever… to know is that I’m better than you. As long as you know that, I don’t care what else you know.
April 24th, 2008 at 3:29 pm
Sit on it!
Hey, which people are which? Are all the KGB people the same, and are all the non-word name people the same? This looks like a pathetic argument between two nerds.
April 24th, 2008 at 3:22 pm
MMck and JT post one minute between each other… We are the same..
Wonder Twin’s Power…. Activate !!!!!!!
April 24th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
Wow. If your as good at your “job” as you were with your “Stand up comedy”, I’d say its time for a new profession, kiddo.
April 24th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
I guess Tilly really wants us all to know that he has a wife.
April 24th, 2008 at 3:17 pm
Sorry JT, I have a job. Actually, I spend the majority of my time listening to how people talk and reading application/resume references. It’s amazing how obvious it is when people write their own references. Would you believe that people write in a certain pattern, even when they’re impersonating someone else? Oh, you probably already knew that…
April 24th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
MMck: How dare you compare me to that useless hunk of skin I have the misfortune of being attached to. Fuck him! And fuck you too! I’m down here in the swamp everyday, just trying to get by, and I have to suffer through overgrown piles of shit like you calling me out? Go screw yourself.
TillyKGB, you useless excuse of a man, I’d have left your sorry ass a long time ago if I wasn’t so attached to these balls. Here’s an idea, wiseass: why don’t you stop wasting your time with these basement virgins and get back to doing what really matters. And by what really matters, I mean paying attention to my needs. And what are my needs? Some fine young thing to sit on me! I heard you have a wife. Dammit, get her in action! Are you retarded?
April 24th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
The guy impersonating my penis.
You’re about as funny as a politician.
Kingmonkey, haruhiism is more geared towards killing the sick than healing the sick.
Also, feel free to rule casnadia, I’ll usurp you one day anyway
April 24th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I guess Tilly has given up on life and commited suicide.
April 24th, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Damn penis, you don’t live in Germany any more, it’s about time you adjusted.
April 24th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Weil sie penisköpfe sind
April 24th, 2008 at 3:00 pm
Warum alles den Kämpfen? Leben und Liebe freunds.
Amüsant video.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:50 pm
kingmonkey +1, if you’re still carrying around you’re recorder, who could oppose you?
April 24th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
But can Haruhiism heal the sick… say, for example, a ‘bitch’ with her eye ’swoled up?’
And also, what’s Haruhiism’s official stance on me being declared the King of Casnadia?
April 24th, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Shut up and keep playing with me.. We were almost there.
April 24th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
A fight on the internet is like the special olympics.
No matter who wins, you’re still retarded.
Chill out and emulate the haruhiist way, and have a nice cup of tea
April 24th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
I’m confused about who’s who now. JT’s obviously me and also Michael Swaim. Tilly, not tilly and tilly’s penis are the same person, but are herbykgb and tilly kgb’s penis the same person? And if so, does that mean tilly’s created an alter ego to hurl abuse at himself?
April 24th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
With all the cocks talking… maybe my idea to free ball was a bad idea. Underwear does serve a purpose. Although I still prefer the kilt. AAaaaggghhhhh
April 24th, 2008 at 1:56 pm
I heard there was a party here. Can I just get some attention? It doesnt matter who gives it to me..
Im so alone..
April 24th, 2008 at 1:52 pm
I tell you what Tilly. You shout from the rooftops I am 4 people mocking you. You scream till you’re blue in the face. Fuck, keep a journal to help deal with the pain “Dear Diary, JT/Robb/MMCK/whoever called me a name today”. Whatever you need to get through the day, champ.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:49 pm
What if there is no Robb Tilly? What if the name is just made up to anger you, to slowly form your mind into nothing more then putty? Why, tomorrow you might notice that your mailman.. he looks oddly like the guy from the Hardies drive thru… Dear lord man! the world is closing in on you, soon i am sure a stage light will fall from the heavens onto your lawn.
Paranoia rocks.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Here is a scientific thought for you creampuff…. Have you ever heard of Occam’s razor? Its a theory that states “All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best.” So what’s the simplest solution? I follow you around Cracked.com’s blogs posting wildly as diffrent people all through the day to undermind you, or…….
You’re just a big fucking cock that no one likes, and they take it out on you.
Hmmmmm….
April 24th, 2008 at 1:40 pm
Man, I sure hope this battle between these two halfwits gets an epic ballad written about it. Then maybe, by association, I’ll get a bit of attention. You here that, you insufferable prick that I’m connected to, stop wasting your time with this moron and find me a playmate!
April 24th, 2008 at 1:37 pm
Hmmm, I don’t know who this guy who is definitely not me is, but I like his style! Why, I couldn’t have said it any better myself. He even talks like me! Hey, he even called JT a fucking retard, just like I did. Wow, is that a coincidence or what?
April 24th, 2008 at 1:36 pm
Hey JT, as someone who is definitely not TillyKGB, I can say you are a total douchebag. Took a shit on him? Keep telling yourself that if it somehow makes you feel like your life is relevant. You’re fucking retarded.
Oh, and just so everyone has it straight, I am clearly NOT TillyKGB.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
LOL… Im starting to like you Tilly. Your the reason retards get a bad rap.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:34 pm
yes yes. Ask for facts that you know can’t be produced. That will surely prove your point. Oh, then try to deflect blame by commenting on MY name, which has been the same the entire time. I don’t even have to mention your obvious ploy any more. You just keep proving it more.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I actually dont have a past with Tilly. He was stalking Swaim in an earlier Blog post, and everyone took a shit on him. Yet somehow I am the mastermind, and I am logging on with multiple nicknames..
April 24th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Care to back that up with actual facts, cupcake? No, how silly of me.. Facts would blow your silly conspiracy theory out the window.
ohhhh. Wait a minute. You have KGB in your name, which is simular to JT, PJ, MMck, RD, FU.. Maybe I’m you too.. God this is freaky…
April 24th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
I don’t know what JT and Tilly’s past is, but up until a few minutes ago, I thought they were on the same side…
‘eyyyyyyyyy.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:28 pm
See Tilly, now you’re going to have to repeat the same fight you had with the entire site last week. At least change your name or something if you wanna keep commenting
April 24th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
What the fuck ever. Oh, it just so happens that half the times you post, 4 more people with similar names (PJ, MMck, RD, FU) all happen to post messages backing the original up? Give me a fucking break.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:26 pm
The truth is Hannah Montana has a penis. She keeps it in a box under her bed. Eerie…
April 24th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
You are correct Tilly, I am the same person as JT. I also go by the names Hector Lightningfoot, Dr. James Westfield, and on the rare occasion Senior Monster Cock, but that is a different story all together.
I dont need to flame you, cupcake. You’re doing a great job making yourself look like an idiot all by yourself.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:21 pm
If Hanna Montana asks to smell your cock… don’t do it! That’s what happened to Ross.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Hey JT, I remember you too. I couldn’t give two shits whether you like me. I’ll say what I want til they ban me. So go ahead, change your name as many times as you want and flame me. We all know you’re the same fucking person you stupid retard.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
I think Robb and Tilly are having a race for “King Retard of the internets” I think its a close race with Tilly edging Robb out, for coming here and pretending people like him.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Hey MMck, go fuck yourself. There, did that clear everything up for you?
April 24th, 2008 at 1:11 pm
I know what you mean. That guys one sad step below down syndrome.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Btw, just to clarify, he’s not a freak for getting the boner, it’s the sheer speed he goes from flopper to firm
April 24th, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Hey penis, did you hear that? That stupid asshole Robb can’t read! Why, somehow he thought you had mentioned his dick (honestly, I doubt he even has one.) I wonder what’s it’s like to be that pathetic…
April 24th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
Tilly, aren’t you that asshole from two weeks ago that everybody hated? Trying to pretend like nothing happened won’t work with me. People don’t forget
April 24th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
How to get a swollen eye from cock smelling, you ask?
Well, the way I picture it is, the girl is wearing a low cut top, and no bra.
So when she bends down to sniff the guy gets a view of his tits.
Due to the guy being a freak of nature, he gets a boner so fact that it stabs the girl in the eye, causing it to swell up.
Another mystery solved by the Haruhiists.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:06 pm
The frightening thing is, I’m sure she’s addicted to CockSmelling.
WATCH OUT! THE COCK-SMELLER IS ON THE LOOSE!
I apologize, I was trying too hard.
April 24th, 2008 at 1:03 pm
Odd how the talk so quickly became about my dick for Tilly and JT, why is that?
And Kingmonkey+1, if you swap the genders in this song you find that you have a whole lot of google search results.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Every time I signed in __ Bigblackconnect.com __ and there were always many women would talk to me … It is a funny and interesting place to talk to these thoughtful women.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:25 pm
You tell ‘em big guy! Also, I’ll see about scheduling visitation with the missus… However, this time don’t embarrass me by going to sleep!
April 24th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
JT: Don’t get confused! Robb isn’t a dick, his breath just smells like it. Actually, I suppose he would be under the old “you are what you eat” rules…
April 24th, 2008 at 12:12 pm
I wish the dumb bastard that I have been unceremoniously attached to for all these years would let me out to breathe sometime. Even if it was just to have his lady friend give me a sniff sniff. Hell, I’ve even heard he’s married. But have I ever met his wife? No! Ok ok, I met her a few times, but that was so long ago I can’t even remember what she looks like. I think she had hair perhaps? Dammit! I can’t work under these conditions!
April 24th, 2008 at 12:08 pm
If my girlfriend were to attempt this form of inspection, I would inform her that my excurricular activities for the night did not include intercouse, only assplay, then spin around and present my boyhole for his offactory pleasure.
And on the kilting issue, I once had a dream of being clubbed in the eye by a drunk bagpipper standing on a ladder.
April 24th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
I don’t think it’s my cock so much as my crotch in general. I shower, sometimes twice a day… I think it’s just unnatural to bind your cock n’ balls. Don’t gird your loins, let your junk swing wild and free!
April 24th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
You know, if you reversed the genders in that song, it sounds just as stupid, jealous, paranoid, etc..
Let me smell yo’ snatch,
Don’t play me like a fool.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:55 am
Pfft, typical, no one ever gives us credit for forcing men to wear skirts.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:29 am
I don’t know about my cock smelling bad… showering daily usually helps with that, but I do like the kilt idea. It’s spring, so a cool breeze would probably be good. Thanks for the idea Onodera.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:23 am
If I don’t air out my cock, it smells… bad. Even I can smell it at times. That’s why I started wearing kilts. Free is the way to be.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:19 am
I think I’d take rappers more seriously if they’d learn to spell. Risquée See, that would still look good on an album cover, right?
April 24th, 2008 at 11:07 am
What could he have possibly done to his dick that the scent would cause someone to get a swollen eye?
April 24th, 2008 at 11:06 am
Look, the first cock of the thread appeared. Well done Robb.
April 24th, 2008 at 11:05 am
I predict alot of Cracked blog reader’s penis will be making a visit to this one !
April 24th, 2008 at 11:03 am
You know, this type of logic could make anything about you… For instance, the Passion of the Christ, could be about you.. Your Jewish, you have facial hair, your often tormented by those who don’t understand you….
Hell you could make any story yours Mr. Ross, sir. Any story in history.