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iPhone

The iPhone: because marketing trumps engineering or common sense.

Future versions will do this automatically!

Just a goddamn phone.
The iPhone was introduced in the United States on June 29, 2007.
Sold 25 units per second over the opening weekend.
The iPhone 3G was introduced on July 11, 2008, making the original iPhone obsolete four times faster than the NES.
3+4 means Apple effectively delivered ninety-thousand "FU"s per hour to early adopters.

The first iPhone was more eagerly anticipated than Jesus Christ returning with an eighth Harry Potter novel. Apple obsessives camped out for days to buy a product that would be readily available in every store, and every single person on Earth made fun of them. Including Apple, who slashed the price within weeks and made the whole product obsolete within a year. Imagine Leanord Nimoy arriving unannounced at a Star Trek convention and starting a "Who's bagged the most cheerleaders?" competition.

THE WORLD must know of my struggle!

Apple's App store recently reached one billion downloads, providing one app per six people on Earth, or fifty apps per annoying iPhone owner saying "You gotta see what my phone can do!". This integrated system provides a revolutionary way to convince people to spend money on fake lighters, "iBeer", and flash crap which would embarrass a Nicktoons website.

5 Reasons The iPhone Might Suck (And 5 Reasons Why We're Pumped Anyway) Submitted by: LukeMcKinney | Jun 6, 2009 | Source: Chris Bucholz

Ah, hindsight.

The 6 Most Underwhelming Moments From The iPhone 3G Debut Submitted by: LukeMcKinney | Jun 6, 2009

Gladstone is now in hiding from an iHad, having blasphemed against The Jobs.

20 Features The Next iPhone Should Totally Have Submitted by: LukeMcKinney | Jun 6, 2009

We refuse to buy another handset until at least one of these is included.

The 15 Most Completely Useless iPhone Apps Submitted by: LukeMcKinney | Jun 6, 2009

Because you haven't given them enough money yet.

Cracked Talk on | iPhone

3 of 64 Comments

Most of the phones out there don’t really appeal to me at all, but the iphone looks very awesome and I could definitely see going out and getting one. It sucks that we’ll have to wait a month though.managed hosting

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 11/6/2009 3:17 AM

rosymarshal

Google and Apple will one day start a war over the fate of the world. Then we will all be living on either Planet Google or iEarth, depending on who wins

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 10/26/2009 8:19 PM

mrbacons

'The first iPhone was more eagerly anticipated than Jesus Christ returning with an eighth Harry Potter novel.'

I have not yet stopped laughing. Well done, sir. Well done to you.

0 Replies | Reply | Posted on 9/1/2009 5:28 AM