iPhone
The iPhone: because marketing trumps engineering or common sense.
Just The Facts
- Just a goddamn phone.
- The iPhone was introduced in the United States on June 29, 2007.
- Sold 25 units per second over the opening weekend.
- The iPhone 3G was introduced on July 11, 2008, making the original iPhone obsolete four times faster than the NES.
- 3+4 means Apple effectively delivered ninety-thousand "FU"s per hour to early adopters.
Cracked on iPhone
The first iPhone was more eagerly anticipated than Jesus Christ returning with an eighth Harry Potter novel. Apple obsessives camped out for days to buy a product that would be readily available in every store, and every single person on Earth made fun of them. Including Apple, who slashed the price within weeks and made the whole product obsolete within a year. Imagine Leanord Nimoy arriving unannounced at a Star Trek convention and starting a "Who's bagged the most cheerleaders?" competition.
THE WORLD must know of my struggle!
Apple's App store recently reached one billion downloads, providing one app per six people on Earth, or fifty apps per annoying iPhone owner saying "You gotta see what my phone can do!". This integrated system provides a revolutionary way to convince people to spend money on fake lighters, "iBeer", and flash crap which would embarrass a Nicktoons website.
Alot of this is true, but as an iPhone owner I can say its an excellent phone. Dropped it completely in a cup of a soda and worked perfectly fine, and hardly ever has any problems at all. I am not a big fan of apps at all unless they are free. It also runs smoothly and I almost never experience lag even when having large amounts of texts and pictures on my phone.
ReplyThe only thing "good" about iPhone is the funny AutoCorrect screwups that make it to the internet. It's like iPhone knew this would be a source of comedy! If they were intelligent enough to design the phone, they were intelligent enough to sit around and invent the most outrageous of AutoCorrect screwups! Honestly, though, I must say you can screw up LIGHTLY on a crappy flip phone like I have and it STILL be just as funny. My prime example is that my brother and I have a friend that we call "Ree Ree". I thought I lost my keys in her Bravada one night and I texted my brother and sent the message before I realized what I did (have you ever tried texting before you've had your coffee early in the morning?). The actual message read, "Call Pee Pee and ask her if I left my keys in her car." My brother got a kick out of that.
ReplyPeople get so worked up about phones, I don't get. I just got the 4s because my blackberry died and I really like it. You like android, you like android. It doesn't have to be the next dogs vs cats thing, you know...
ReplyThe only reason I would get an iPhone is to play Angry Birds because it doesn't work on my Android, and to use Instagram.
ReplyThe only reason I would have gotten an iPhone, or an Android, was to play Angry Birds, because Angry Birds is the s**t I don't care what you say leave me alone so that I can play my game in peace it's the only one I'm better at than my gamer boyfriends SHUT UP-But now I can play it on Google Chrome for free, so why bother???
ReplyIm no fanboy, but ultimately many of you android fanboys can be pretty bigoted. Apple products may not be truly innovative, but ultimately Apple gets them to sell, thus allowing the advancement of said product. Ultimately a lot of your stuff is just a ripoff of apple. I don't want you to like them, but have respect.
ReplyOnly reason I bought an Ipad is because I have my own studio, and there are tons of great apps for music making. Has a charm.
ReplyAlso there is no collection of apps that is bigger than Apples store. I am no fanboy, they are way overpriced. But there is pros..
Android FTW!!! In all seriousness though who the f**k needs a touch screen. I miss my old button phone with a brilliant speaker.
ReplyApple says their products are innovative. They aren't. The iPad follows the unsuccessful Samsung Origami, which came out years before it, and there is a better specced HP tablet from nearly 10 years ago.
Reply Hide All See All 3 RepliesApple products are overpriced, over glorified pieces of techno junk. If The products weren't either: marketed as innovative despite 10 year old tech, underspecced for the price or massively overpriced, I would have no problem with their products. However Apple fanboys can't seem to get past the fact that apple's products are easily out specced by other company's products for lower prices. If Apple products were cheaper or more highly specced for the price, then less people would despise Apple.
you have to realize, and I am not trying to troll, that Apple takes a little known or just s****y products, and they make them popular, Apple shows there is a market, and so everyone else creates there own version of it to compete, some of which are blatantly stolen, hell Steve Jobs is the whole reason we have computers, show some goddamned respect.
@betterdanyou: I'm sorry, your username just forced me to assume you're either a douchebag or a hipster. So saying "Steve Jobs is the whole reason we have computers" didn't really do you any favors. Long story short, please go fck yourself.
"Steve Jobs is the whole reason we have computers" - Alan Turing is spinning in his grave.
I hate apple. f**k you Steve Jobs, my CD player and cell are fine.
ReplyI think that all 3 of the past iPhones are crap and the iPhone 4 was the only one that was decent I'm now planning to get a 3d android phone or the next iPhone (if it has 4g) the iOS is okay but very strict (without jail breaking) I've noticed that android is much more customizable and user friendly
Replywait...is that it? Aw come ON!! I wanna read more.
ReplyiPhone, Y U NO FLASH?
Reply:D Cracked has an iPhone app :P
ReplyMight as well cash in :L
Because all Cracked articles are made by the same person who is also the owner of Cracked, right?
Call it what you want… I wouldn't trade my iPhone for all your writing talent (even if you threw in an iPad!
Replylmao
You sound like a simple-minded hater to me.
Apple-On!!!
You sound like a simpleminded fanboy to me.
KNOWLEDGE ON!
i phone on dammit
This article was obviously written by some one who doesn't own an iphone.
ReplyNo sh*t, Sherlock. Is he wrong?
You must own slaves to know about slavery, you must own money to know how it works, and you must drop a few hundred on an iPhone to know it is a piece of shit. I see your logic.
my friend has an iphone and another one has an ipad while i have a regular phone. so i get to play the fun games and not waste my money!! WOOOO!
ReplyMy phone broke a few months ago. I was thinking of getting the iphone 3gs. Apparently though 4g is going to come out latter this year so I guess I will wait.
ReplyApple will release the iPhone E next week, then the iPhone W 3 days afterwards. The difference between the two? The new one will make a clicky noise when you scroll, the W model will fix it.
ReplyApple will make millions, Steve Jobs will gloat, our founding fathers will spin in their graves and hipsters will go bankrupt after buying 2 iPhones in one week, then another one in 2 months because their old one broke when they looked at it funny.
i broke my phone 4 diffrent time and my phone isnt an iphon but it was 500 dollars .
i just have an i pod touch the i phone cost 85$ per month for service only.
Reply